Category Archives: Cricket & Sports

Consolidated Adelaide musings…

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∙ Ricky Taunting India. Michael Clarke Kent (a.k.a Superman). Rahul “The Gate” Dravid. 99dulkar. Vir”Under” Sehwag. Dhakkan Fletcher. Kris SriCan’t. B (Don’t) See (Don’t) See I.

∙ The BCCI logic: Rohit Sharma is such a waste player! Forget scoring runs, he couldn’t even play a Test match! Drop him next time!

∙ After the 0-4 debacle in England the only person to be sacked was Harsha Bhogle from the anchor’s chair.
Who will they sack after 0-4 in Australia?

∙ Law of diminishing returns…
Test No. 1 ranking: Gone in 600 days.
Indian innings: Gone in 60 overs.
Opening partnership: Gone in 60 balls.
Indian Batsman: Gone in 60 seconds.

∙ Overheard…
Speaker: Can you deny the genocide the English committed on us?
Listener: No!
Speaker: Can you deny the genocide the Australians committed on us?
Listener: Eh??? Aussies in our freedom struggle?
Second Listener: He’s actually talking about cricket…

∙ If Cricket is our Religion, then the Australian tour is Blasphemy.

© Sunil Rajguru

Hum draw karenge Test match ek din…

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A new psychologist has joined the Indian cricket team, who has given a new theme song to the players to get them out of the current mess they are in…

Please sing to the tune of Hum honge kamyab…

Hum draw karenge Test match,
Hum draw karenge Test match,
Hum draw karenge Test match ek din,
Ho ho ho mann main hai Vishwas,
Poora hai vishwas,
Hum draw karenge Test match ek din.

Chalega match paancho din,
Chalega match paancho din,
Chalega match paancho din ek din,
Ho ho ho mann main hai vishwas,
Poora hai vishwas,
Chalega match paancho din ek din.

Hamare wickets nahin girenge saath saath,
Hamare wickets nahin girenge saath saath,
Hamare wickets nahin girenge saath saath ek din,
Ho ho ho mann main hai vishwas,
Poora hai vishwas,
Hamare wicket nahin girenge saath saath.

Nahi darr kisi foreign pitch ka,
Nahi bhay kisi pace bowler ka
Nahi darr na bhay ek din,
Ho ho ho mann main hai vishwas,
Poora hai vishwas,
Nahi darr na bhay ek din.

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

It was the best of teams and worst of teams…

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The common fan’s feelings on the Indian cricket team…

It was the best of teams,
it was the worst of teams,
it was the age of greatness,
it was the age of foolishness,
it was the epoch of belief in Team India,
it was the epoch of incredulity at its decline,
it was the season of World Cup Light,
it was the season of Overseas Test Darkness,
it was the spring of hope,
it was the winter of despair in the very same year,
we had everything before us,
we had nothing before us…

(With due apologies to the opening of A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens, 1859)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Why are the Big 3 like delicious Baingan ka bharta?

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The original Baingan ka bharta joke…

One wife said to another, my husband is so strange!
On Monday I gave him Baingan ka bharta and he couldn’t stop praising how delicious it was.
On Tuesday I gave him Baingan ka bharta and he said it was good.
On Wednesday I gave him Baingan ka bharta and he smiled but said nothing.
On Thursday I gave him Baingan ka bharta and he ate it quietly.
On Friday I gave him Baingan ka bharta and he glared at me non-stop.
On Saturday I gave him Baingan ka bharta and he stormed off without eating it.
On Sunday I gave him Baingan ka bharta and he actually threw it at my face!

One BCCI selector said to another, these Indian fans are so strange!
When we sent the Big 3 to the tour of Australia in 2003-04, the fans called them the greatest!
When we sent the Big 3 to the tour of England in 2007, the fans said very good.
When we sent the Big 3 to the tour of Australia in 2007-08, some fans started grumbling.
When we sent the Big 3 to the tour of England in 2011, the fans started screaming and shouting!
When we played the Big 3 in the home tour of 2011, the fans actually started asking why we were playing them.
When we are persisting with the Big 3 in the tour of Australia in 2011-12, the fans actually want all 3 to be sacked!!!

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Overheard 12…

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Prime Minister: Army chief problems… Supreme Courts raps… Corruption charges… Maybe a new President this year… Say it one more time: I am an honest and independent head of state… Nobody can remote control me… Running a coalition government is tough…
Errr… who’s speaking: Manmohan Singh or Yousaf Raza Gilani?

∙ One Indian player to another: OK, now Indian Test cricket is in serious trouble.
Our ad endorsement rates are falling!

∙ Umpire: This is your last warning if you don’t go faster, then you could face a one-match ban.
Captain (to himself): Good idea to get out of this dratted losing streak. As it is the board will never give me rest.
(To his bowlers): OK guys, forget the over rate, wickets are important!

∙ Indian Board official: Right, we are here to discuss Indian Test cricket’s biggest crisis in decades. Matches are getting over in just 3-4 days! We are losing so much revenue in terms of telecast days!

© Sunil Rajguru

Anhoni ko Dhoni kar de Dhoni ko anhoni …

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India are down 0-7 for Tests on foreign soil.
Please sing to the tune of Anhoni ko honi kar de from the Bollywood film Amar Akbar Anthony…

Anhoni ko Dhoni kar de Dhoni ko anhoni,
Anhoni ko Dhoni kar de Dhoni ko anhoni,
Ek jagah jab jama ho teeno… Tendlya, Laxman aur Dravid,
Anhoni ko Dhoni kar de Dhoni ko anhoni…

Ek wicket se bhale do, do wickets se bhale teen,
Technique-himmat saath nahi, records hai victories nahi,
Arre kuch darne ki baat nahi,
Ye Tests ki raina hai koi gam ki ODI raat nahi,
Yaaro hanso bana rakhi hai kyo ye surat roni…
Ek jagah jab jama ho saare…

Ek wicket se bhale do wicket, do se bhale teen (Count till 10),
India ke openers ko, is team ke bowlers ko,
Koi hope nahin hai… no… no… no…
Kaise baat matlab ki samajhaau deewaano ko,
Sapan salone le ke aayi hai ye raat saloni,
Ek jagah jab jama ho saare gyaarah members Indian team ke…

(Original song: Anhoni ko honi kar de.
Film: Amar Akbar Anthony.
Year: 1977)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru