Reactions to India’s freak T20 victory…

(Team India wins an international cricket match on foreign soil after more than 7 months. After failing to register a single victory in 17 international matches (Test+ODI+T20) we finally win at Melbourne.)

MS Dhoni: I think I’ll finally quit captaincy. Nothing is better than going out on a high!

Brett Lee: We are stunned! We never thought the Indians could actually win anything abroad! Nothing beats the Poms: They didn’t concede a single defeat last year.

Mickey Arthur: We were planning to rest before every ODI match with India in the upcoming triangular series, but I think we will now have to revise our strategy.

Virender Sehwag: The six I hit in my innings is the most significant one in my life and could well prove to be a major turning point in my career.

Gautam Gambhir:
This is my third fifty that has revived Indian cricket. The first was in the 2007 T20 WC final. The second was in the 2011 ODI WC final.

Virat Kohli: The run out in my over was the turning point of the match. I think I’ll become a full-time all-rounder. Also, in the last series we won at Perth because of monkeygate. This time it’s because of fingergate.

Rajeev Shukla: The energetic fielding won us the match. The last time I saw so much energy in the team was when they went go karting. I recommend many more such sessions!

Duncan Fletcher: I was planning to retire, but I think this win may just have saved me.

Suresh Raina: When I retire, I’m going to settle down in Melbourne.

Rahul Sharma: I couldn’t believe we had won. I had to pinch myself. And I didn’t even have to bat!

Rohit Sharma: India now have a win for every ball I have faced on this tour.

Praveen Kumar: I would like to dedicate this victory to Sachin Tendulkar.

Sachin Tendulkar: I wish I was there, but there’s little scope to score a century in international T20s, so what’s the point?

Ravi Shastri: Every ball went like a bullet from the bat of the Indians!

Sunil Gavaskar: Whenever Dhoni comes down the order, India wins easily. Maybe that’s the way forward in Tests too.

K Srikkanth: Arre bhaiyya Aal Izz Well!

Statistician: Actually it’s nothing. The law of averages finally caught up with the Indian team!

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Big 3 nahin to Little 3 hi sahi…

Overheard…
VVS to SRT/Dravid: Bas Sri Lanka tour nikaal lo bhai logon… next foreign pitch tour is at the very end of 2013. We can easily play till then!
Yuvi-Raina-Rohit: Looks like we will be the “Allegedly Next Big 3” to retire from Tests and not them!
Sehwag: And I actually thought I could bat up the order!
BCCI: The only constant is (we will not) change.

∙ History first repeats itself as a tragedy (England tour) and then as a farce (Australia tour).

∙ Happy Republic Day!
However, no Independence Day from the farce of Indian batting on foreign pitches.

∙ Theme song of the Indian batting is Hum Saath Saath Hai
They hit form together and collapse together.

© Sunil Rajguru

I love my pitches of India…

Indian batsmen are tigers on Indian Test pitches and lambs abroad. Their theme song…

Please sing to the tune of I love my India from the movie Pardes

London dekha, Melbourne dekha,
London dekha, Melbourne dekha,
Aur dekha Birmingham,
Oval dekha, Sydney dekha,
Sab dekha meri jaan,
Saare jag main kahin nahin hai doosra Pitch-e-Hindustan,
Doosra Pitch-e-Hindustan,
Doosra Pitch-e-Hindustan.

Ye duniya ek uljhan,
Ye duniya ek uljhan,
Ulhano ke uljhan main Team India,
Ye mera Team India,
Ye mera Team India,
I love my pitches of India,
I love my pitches of India.

Jab chheda stumps ko kisi ne,
Jhoom ke doosra wicket bhi gira,
Aag lagi jaise pitch main ab,
Deepak raag sunaaya pacers ne,
Saare wicket-o ka sangam bane opposition ki mala,
Hum apne Bhagwaan ko bhi kehate hain beshatak wala,
Beshatak wala,
Beshatak wala.

Ye mera Team India,
I love my pitches of India,
Ye mera Team India,
I love my pitches of India.

(Original song: I love my India.
Film: Pardes.
Year: 1997.)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Hum draw karenge Test match ek din…

A new psychologist has joined the Indian cricket team, who has given a new theme song to the players to get them out of the current mess they are in…

Please sing to the tune of Hum honge kamyab

Hum draw karenge Test match,
Hum draw karenge Test match,
Hum draw karenge Test match ek din,
Ho ho ho mann main hai Vishwas,
Poora hai vishwas,
Hum draw karenge Test match ek din.

Chalega match paancho din,
Chalega match paancho din,
Chalega match paancho din ek din,
Ho ho ho mann main hai vishwas,
Poora hai vishwas,
Chalega match paancho din ek din.

Hamare wickets nahin girenge saath saath,
Hamare wickets nahin girenge saath saath,
Hamare wickets nahin girenge saath saath ek din,
Ho ho ho mann main hai vishwas,
Poora hai vishwas,
Hamare wicket nahin girenge saath saath.

Nahi darr kisi foreign pitch ka,
Nahi bhay kisi pace bowler ka
Nahi darr na bhay ek din,
Ho ho ho mann main hai vishwas,
Poora hai vishwas,
Nahi darr na bhay ek din.

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Why are the Big 3 like delicious Baingan ka bharta?

The original Baingan ka bharta joke…

One wife said to another, my husband is so strange!
On Monday I gave him Baingan ka bharta and he couldn’t stop praising how delicious it was.
On Tuesday I gave him Baingan ka bharta and he said it was good.
On Wednesday I gave him Baingan ka bharta and he smiled but said nothing.
On Thursday I gave him Baingan ka bharta and he ate it quietly.
On Friday I gave him Baingan ka bharta and he glared at me non-stop.
On Saturday I gave him Baingan ka bharta and he stormed off without eating it.
On Sunday I gave him Baingan ka bharta and he actually threw it at my face!

One BCCI selector said to another, these Indian fans are so strange!

When we sent the Big 3 to the tour of Australia in 2003-04, the fans called them the greatest!
When we sent the Big 3 to the tour of England in 2007, the fans said very good.
When we sent the Big 3 to the tour of Australia in 2007-08, some fans started grumbling.
When we sent the Big 3 to the tour of England in 2011, the fans started screaming and shouting!
When we played the Big 3 in the home tour of 2011, the fans actually started asking why we were playing them.
When we are persisting with the Big 3 in the tour of Australia in 2011-12, the fans actually want all 3 to be sacked!!!

This version by Sunil Rajguru