Category Archives: Short Takes

Feroz Shah Kotla Test musings…

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Ultimate irony.
Feroz Shah Kotla stands named Viru 309 & 319 after his blitzes.
AB de Villiers and Hashim Amla pay their respects by scoring super slow 43 off 297 and 25 off 244 in first match after that.

AB de Villiers is the only batsman in the world who can hit both 100 off 30 balls and 30 off 100 balls.
‪#‎IndVsSA‬ ‪#‎FerozShahKotla‬

First Extremist Shastri…
Fast: 200 off 123 balls in a First Class innings.
Slow: 10 off 63 balls in an ODI innings.
Second Extremist ABD…
Fast: 149 off 44 in an ODI innings.
Slow: 43 off 228 in a Test innings.

Green pitch: Bad!
Spinning pitch: Bad!
Dead pitch: Bad!
Great pitch: That which produces result in last over of Day 5.
(Meaning rocket scientists will now have to design Test pitch)

The Test conundrum…
Amla and ABD played brilliant cricket.
It was also a brilliant cure for insomnia.

#‎RohitTalentSharma‬
ODIs: Debuted in 2007, scored 200 in 2013.
Tests: Debuted in 2013, will score 400 in 2019.
Keep the faith!

Unke dus aadmi hamare ek ke barabar hai!
Rahane: Challenge accepted!—127.
South Africa—121.
‪

(Ref: Fourth India-South Africa Test)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

November 2015 Status Updates

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I will save the world through a Status Message.
—Motto for the 2010s.

(November 30)

It’s Australia all the way…
First Test: Australia versus England.
First ODI: Australia versus England.
First Day/Night ODI: Australia versus West Indies.
First international T20: Australia versus New Zealand.
First Day/Night Test: Australia versus New Zealand.

(November 29)

Movies on Swamy’s life…
The Lone Ranger.
Akeyla.
Main Aur Mrs Gandhi (1975-2015).

(November 27)

1. Syrian Government: Wrong.
2. Syrian Rebels: Wrong.
Two wrongs don’t make a right.
All these strikes: Wrong.
Three wrongs will finish off Syria outright.

One day they will declare…
Oh sorry! He is the universe’s typing error.
‪#‎BritishBuddhu‬

Maybe “President of Britain firm” became “Firm resident of Britain”.
‪#‎TypingError‬ ‪#‎BritishBuddhu‬

Pakistan tourism USP…
Kucch din to guzaaro Pakistan main.
Kya pata, kal ye desh ho ya na ho.
‪#‎Balochistan‬ ‪#‎PoK‬ ‪#‎RogueNation‬

Kejri’s ultimate U-turn…
Then: I will put every corrupt politician in jail.
Now: I will hug and do business with every corrupt politician

(November 27)

For India, ISI is more dangerous than ISIS.
Misguided youth support the latter.
Misguided celebrities support the former.

Bangalore’s theme song this month…
November Rain.
(But as sung by the pop group “Garbage”)

(November 22)

If nobody hates you, you’re doing something wrong.
—Dr House.
Corollary…
Everybody is right on Twitter.

One man’s freedom fighter is another man’s militant and another man’s terrorist and yet another man’s “victim”!
‪#‎CantEvenDefineTerror‬

(November 20)

Shahrukh Khan and Kajol starring in Dilwale.
Sequel will be Dulhania.
Threequel will be Le Jayenge.

Whole of Bengaluru will now have to start singing…
BESCOM waale babu yahan power chala do, power chala do!
‪#‎DarkCity‬

(November 10)

Mid-way through results, every TV channel showing trends from different parallel universes.
‪#‎BiharResults‬

Forget Modi, even Amit Shah has more achievements than Sonia, Pappu and Kejri put together and hasn’t even got 10% of their media praise.

Opinion polls made against Modi to sway undecided voters.
Exit polls made against Modi to indulge in bashing till counting.

(November 8)

Q: Who won? ‪#‎AwardWapsi‬ or ‪#‎SammanWapsi‬?
Sir Ravindra Jadeja: My ‪#‎FormWapsi‬ of course!
‪#‎IndVsSA‬ ‪#‎Mohali‬

Tired of losing, Kohli launches ‪#‎HaarWapsi‬ campaign.
SA meanwhile successfully conclude their first ‪#‎WicketWapsi‬ campaign.
‪#‎IndVsSA‬ ‪#‎Mohali‬

(November 7)

ICHR…
Indian Communist Historical Research till 2014.

Partition.
British wanted it.
Jinnah did it.
Mahatma allowed it.
Nehru didn’t care.

The number of schemes-institutes named after Nehru-Indira-Rajiv is 10 times more than the number of MPs the Congress has in the Lok Sabha.

Once it was called the Fifth Column.
Today it has become the Filth Column.

(November 2)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#‎ReturnOfJungleRaj‬ in Bihar musings..

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Bihar’s Top 3 industries by 2020…
1. Bootlegging industry.
2. Kidnapping industry.
3. Lootmaar industry.
‪#‎Lalu‬ ‪

2015: Jungle Raj returns to Bihar.
2016: Won’t even be able to drown your sorrows with drinks as prohibition arriving in Bihar.
‪#‎NitishKiJaiHo‬

BJP should make Manjhi Governor of Bihar.
Then it will become a land of Super Chief Ministers.
‪#‎Lalu‬ ‪#‎Rabri‬ ‪#‎LaluKeBete‬ ‪#‎MiffedMisa‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#Intolerant Sonia musings…

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Motilal conceived the Constitution.
Nehru created it.
Indira nurtured it.
Rajiv strengthened it.
Baaki sab gaye tel lene.

When you run out of arguments…
Tu Aryan hai!
Tune Constitution nahin banaya!
Tu jaanta nahin meri sasuma kaun thi!

Q: Help, I’m doing a project on media houses attacking Modi.
A: Pick up any media house.
Q: Help, I’m doing a project on media houses attacking Sonia.
A: Oh, that’s fiction!

Christianity under attack?
‪#‎Fail‬
Intolerance rising?
#Fail
Next #Fail…
Constitution under attack.

Best media managers…
Gold Medal = Sonia Gandhi.
Silver Medal = Arun Jaitley.
Bronze Medal = Lalu Prasad Yadav.
Consolation Prize = Arvind Kejriwal.

Congress LS MPs: 45.
More awards returned.
More scams done.
More Parliament disruptions.
But Pappu has a lower IQ than that.

Hitler lost the 2014 elections.
Goebbels is still going strong and eyeing 2019.

Rumours about Congress tend to be true.
Media tries to keep quiet even after confirmed.
Rumours about Modi tend to be false.
Media goes ballistic at first sniff.

Kharge’s wisdom…
An Italian born who refused Indian citizenship as long as she could is the upholder of the Indian Constitution.
Anyone else amending it should face bloodshed (‪#‎Raktpath‬).

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

India-South Africa Nagpur Test musings…

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The level of intolerance against South African batsmen shown by Indian spinners has reached new depths.

South Africa requires 310 runs in 1704 balls (284 overs) and they’re still not the favourites!
Welcome to Test cricket!

Strange team South Africa.
Hasn’t lost a Test series abroad in 9 years.
Hasn’t won a Test series at home against Australia in 45 years!

Even though it’s the Third Test, today is the 5th day of the India-South Africa Test series.

Nagpur opens with a 5th day 3rd session pitch on the 1st day 1st session!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#BiharResults musings…

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In Modi’s first ever big State big loss in his entire career, BJP increases vote share while Bihar gets Jungle Raj and a convict as a power centre.

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
BJP in Bihar…
Keep your enemies away and your friends even more away.

Fact of the day…
BJP has increased its vote share in each and every election after Modi took charge.
Winning even in more municipalities.

1947-2014: Congress was Establishment or Establishment-in-waiting.
2014-_: Despite ‪#‎BiharResults‬, Modi is still the Establishment with no-one in waiting.

If you used Tarot Cards for Indian election opinion/exit polls, you’d get the same results and save tonnes of money.
‪#‎BiharResults‬

Both Nitish and Modi are pro-development.
Nitish + Modi & allies = 51% vote share.
One way of looking at it!
‪#‎BiharResults‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru