July 2016 Status Updates

All-in-one Indian cities.
Venice during rains.
Celebrating Earth Hour during power cuts.
Ghost towns in the night.
War zones during the day.

(July 29)

Q: So what are your priorities after the coup?
Erdogan: Infrastructure.
Q: ?
Erdogan: Jails. I need many more jails. I don’t know where to put all these people!

(July 28)

#‎BangaloreStudents‬
April-May: Summer Vacations.
October: Dussehra Vacations.
December: Christmas Vacations.
July: Transport Bandh Vacations.

(July 27)

Being Human is totally incorrect.
On screen he’s Superhuman.
Off screen he’s Inhuman.
‪#‎Bhai‬

(July 25)

Christopher Nolan can still make Inception 2 and claim that Inception 1 was all a dream and the sequel is the real world movie.

Listen to a talk or interview and count to the number of times a person says “You know!”
It’s an epidemic.

(July 20)

#‎TerrorAxe‬
‪#‎TerrorTruck‬
‪#‎TerrorCar‬
‪#‎TerrorPlane‬
‪#‎TerrorCycle‬
‪#‎TerrorBelt‬
‪#‎TerrorShoe‬
‪#‎TerrorSuitcase‬
‪#‎TerrorUnderwear‬
‪#‎TerrorChildren‬

(July 19)

2004: Masti.
2013: Grand Masti.
2016: Great Grand Masti.
2018: Super Great Grand Masti?

Cook can break Sachin’s Test records.
Kohli/Amla can break Sachin’s ODI records.
Nobody can breaks Hobbs’ record of 61,760 First Class runs.

(July 16)

Why the 3 Khans never age…
Salman
1989 bachelor—Maine Par Kiya
2016 bachelor—Sultan
Aamir
1984 student—Holi
2009 student—3 Idiots
SRK
1996 Major—Army
2012 Major—Jab Tak Hain Jaan

(July 12)

The irony…
A living Saddam leads to tens of thousands of deaths.
A dead Saddam leads to hundreds of thousands of deaths.

Breaking the eardrums.
Breaking all logic.
Breaking the country.
Breaking the peace.
Breaking each other’s necks.
Anything but breaking news.

(July 11)

What if a lab finds more fat content in certain Indian foods than burgers and pizzas?
‪#‎KeralaFatTax‬

(July 9)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

No matter how low Hillary sunks, they’ll attack Trump…

2008.
Obama: Bush is the establishment. I’m the anti-establishment.
Slogan: Yes we can.
2016.
Trump: Obama is the establishment. I’m the anti-establishment.
Slogan: Yes we can make America great again.

Even when the millionth scandal/revelation comes about Hillary, the mainstream media will still exclusively continue to attack Trump 24X7.

Democrats: We condemn Trump’s proposed wall to keep out Mexicans, but we’ve built a 4-mile fence at convention site to keep out Americans.

All Trump has to do is keep replaying Obama’s 2008 and Sanders’ 2016 campaigns against Hillary and sit back and enjoy the fun.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#‎TurkeyPostCoupCoup‬

Cold Turkey: The abrupt cessation of a s̶u̶b̶s̶t̶a̶n̶c̶e̶ democratic dependence and the resulting unpleasant experience.

Had a coup actually taken place, then thousands would have been arrested, sacked, emergency declared, human rights convention suspended…
Oh wait…

If it takes 20 years to build a democracy, it takes just 20 days to annihilate the complete democratic infrastructure.
‪#‎Turkey‬ ‪#‎Pakistan‬

Erdogan’s slogan…
Yes we can…
…put as many people as we want in jail.

Famous last words…
This State of Emergency is to save the nation’s democracy.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Yet another brand new innings for Sidhu the Great

Cricketer turned Commentator turned Convict turned Comedy Show Star turned Chief Minister?

Kevin Pietersen played the switch hit on the field.
Right to Left.
Sidhu played the switch hit off the field.
Right to Left = BJP to AAP.

Strokeless Wonder-Palm Grove Hitter.
Cricketer-Commentator (English-Hindi).
Reality Show Judge-Reality Convict.
Lok Sabha-Rajya Sabha.
BJP!-AAP?

For every State the BJP gains, it loses an MP.
Not a bad bargain actually.

Sir are you Out of the BJP?
Sidhu: Please wait for the decision of the Third Umpire.
‪#‎AAP‬ ‪#‎PunjabPolls‬

The BJP just lost Punjab.
(But then they never really had it in the first place)
‪#‎Sidhu‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

And Kashmir continues to suffer…

Who introduced what in Kashmir?
Root problem=Nehru.
Dismissal of popular Govt=Indira.
Pandit exodus=Rajiv.
AFSPA=VP Singh.
Out of control terror=Rao.
Pellet guns=Manmohan.

The paradox…
Kashmir cannot be independent thanks to Pakistan.
(It would annex it)
Kashmir can’t live peacefully within India thanks to Pakistan.
(Pak-sponsored terror)

Headline: Every hour of prime time TV news aggression pushes Kashmir a mile westward from India.
Untrue. If that was the case, it would be on the moon by now.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#ErdoganCoup

erdogan-2215259_640A second coup is underway in Turkey where Erdogan is totally ousting democracy.

1994: Mayor.
2003: Prime Minister.
2014: President.
2016: Supreme Dictator.

Pisses off Putin—shoots down jet.
Pisses off Obama—brings US angle to coup.
Sacks 2700 judges.
Thousands of soldiers arrested.
‪#‎DonErdogan‬

Looks like tens of thousands jobs will suddenly come up on Turkish job sites.
‪#‎TurkishPostCoupPurge‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru