Category Archives: Short Takes

#IndVsNZ #500th Test

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Ravi Shastri says “The boys must be pumped up” on TV for the 500th time on the occasion of India’s #500thTest.

India’s new millennium Test spin troika…
600 wallah Kumble.
400 wallah Bhajji.
200 wallah Ashwin.

The international fast bower celebrates after the umpire raises his finger.
The Indian spinner celebrates before the umpire raises his finger.

The job of Indian fast bowler is to take shine off ball.
#500thTest second innings…
Kohli: Rahene de tu, utna bhi zaroorat nahin.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Total AAP leadership failure musings…

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I don’t have authority to buy a pen, but I have authority to spend thousands of crores on ads, perks and privileges.
—Sri Sri Kejri Baba.

People thought Kejri was a character from the 2001 film Nayak.
They were right.
He’s Amrish Puri.

Sab pe apna raaj hai,
Darne ki kya baat hai,
Ye to bas shuruaat hai,
Abhi (2016) to party shuru hui hai,
Party chalegi till 2020…
—Kejri

The best way Modi can troll Kejriwal right now is by making Kiran Bedi Lieutenant-Governor of New Delhi.

The disaster is not that Sisodia is in Finland.
The disaster is that he’s totally useless whenever he’s in New Delhi.
#AAPHaiAbroad

Aam Aadmi political party nahin hai.
Free for all never-ending party with freebies for all its leaders.

Leader.
1. Responsibility. 2. Accountability.
Indian leader.
1. Responsibility. 2. No accountability.
Kejri & Co.
1. Responsibility/accountability dono gaye tel lene. 2. Only perks and privileges.

Kejri seeking votes in 2019…
LG didn’t let me work from 2015-19.
Make me PM and I promise you Prez of India won’t let me work from 2019-24.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

August 2016 Status Updates

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Trump = Alt-Right Hillary… Control Ctr-Delete Ctr-Alt-Delete

Those shouting over Modi’s silence over little crimes would shout the loudest if he dismissed the Bihar government for its million crimes.

(August 27)

So far Obama is history’s biggest snooper and persecutor of whistleblowers.

Judge: Did RSS kill Gandhi? Pappu to his lawyer: Aaaj odd hain ki even hai? #RahulRSSFlip

I have a feeling that even during Modi2 we will be discussing UPA2 scams.

National Herald. AgustaWestland. Scorpene Leaks. 2 years into the new government, UPA2 scams are still trending big time.

Some Twitter trends are priceless like… #NavyInfoLeaksParrikarSleeps The leak took place when Sleeping Beauty Manmohan Singh was PM.

(August 26)

6/14 Abhay Deol films are in the Indian IMDb Top 250. But he’s usually out of a job because Bollywood hates really good films.

(August 24)

Bollywood Only film industry where you’ve to pass through Dance School, Bodybuilding School & Fight School to join & learn acting on the job

(August 23)Man created the Industrial Revolution to fast track his path of progress.
The Devil created the Communist Manifesto to peg mankind back.

No result in #IndVsWI final Test.
Why?
Long batting innings?
No.
Rain?
Not really.
Then why?
A: No drainage.
#PortOfSpain

(August 22)

Cross-branding idea…
Star Wars between the Avengers & Justice League in the Star Trek universe infested with dinosaurs from Jurassic World.

(August 13)

Baap #AnupamKher
1980s main heroine ko shaadi nahin karne deta tha.
2010s main hero ko khelne nahin deta hai.
#DhoniBiopic

(August 12)

Today #Ind play West Indies in Darren Sammy Stadium.
P.S. Darren Sammy has been told he’s not good enough to play in Darren Sammy Stadium.
Kejri exposed with 2013 Communist Manifesto.
Fully exposed with 2014 dharna.
Still won 2015.
All logic out of window.
He can still win 2020.

(August 9)

Post-2000 Gujarat politics
Patels didn’t do well
#Keshubhai #Anandiben (Quit) #Hardik (Arrested)
Non-patels did well
#Modi #AmitShah #Rupani

(August 6)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri and his parallel universe…

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Other people take a break when they work too much.
Kejri takes a break when he Tweets/alleges too much.
‪#‎Vipassana‬

Modi is so frustrated that he can have me killed.
Translation—I am so supremely frustrated and desperate that I just thought that up!
‪#‎Kejri‬

In Hollywood’s Wag the Dog, they create a fake war.
In Bollywood-style India, Kejri has made a complete fake universe around himself.

Modi may kill me: Kejri.
Kejri may kill me: Asim.
‪#‎AAPception‬ (AAP + Inception + Deception)

After blasting AAP, Sidhu can still join with his head held high because he is already part of two industries: Entertainment and politics.

If an AAP leader sets off a nuclear bomb in Delhi and is arrested, Kejri will Tweet…
Modi just arrested AAP man.
He’s not letting us work.

Not just ‪#‎Sidhu‬.
‪#‎Churchill‬ was a party hopper.
So is ‪#‎Trump‬.
And about half of India’s Prime Ministers too.

Why blame ‪#‎Sidhu‬?
About half of India’s Prime Ministers were party hoppers.
‪#‎Morarji‬ ‪#‎Charan‬ ‪#‎VPSingh‬ ‪#‎ChandraShekhar‬ ‪#‎Gujral‬ ‪#‎Gowda‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

US Presidential election musings…

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Advisor 1: If Hillary becomes Prez, First Lady will become what?
Advisor 2: Ask Bill.
Advisor 1: Sir, First Lady?
Bill: LOL! First Lady? I am on my 2000th Lady!

Democrat: If our system was perfect, then Trump would never have been nominated.
Republican: If our system was perfect, then Hillary would be in jail by now.

For media, liberals, intellectuals, Leftists, seculars and DNC, Hillary is the messiah and Trump is an anti-Christ.

If you are perplexed at how Modi won and Trump is winning, it means you read/watch too much of mainstream media.
Social media trends are rarely wrong.

For those still thinking that Trump is “fringe” and “pariah”, know that 14 million people have already voted for him!
‪#‎RepublicanPrimaries‬

Bill’s charisma pushed her to the Senate.
Barack made her Secretary of State (out of guilt?).
DNC made her a Presidential candidate.
Self-made?

Democ(linton)rats.

In a fair election, Sanders may have beaten Hillary.
By settling with a DNC apology and endorsing Hillary—he’s betraying his own supporters.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The never ending Indian political musings…

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1000 crimes in WB—Yawn!!!
1000 crimes in Bihar—I love Lalu!!!
1000 crimes in UP—Ignore till Dadri.
1 crime in Modi’s BJP-ruled State—This is Sparta!!!

Student: Bharat tere tukde!
Liberal: Wah wah! Maja aa gaya!
Citizen: Bharat Mata ki Jai!
Liberal: Sanghi! Bigot!
Arnab: India first!
Liberal: Pathetic journalism!

#‎SleepingBeautyRahul‬
Ye bechaara kaam ka maara, ise chaahiye chhutkaara.
Congress: Par hum denge ise party President ka tiara.

Advisor: Apologize or we will have a lengthy court case.
Pappu: Suits me. I have nothing to do. Ye sab accha time pass hai!
‪#‎RSSCase‬

In 2009 the BJP was done and dusted.
Social Media biggest factor in its revival.
If BJP cracks down on Social Media, backlash will be colossal.

Log poochte hain ki Modi sahab videsh main itna khush kyun rahate hai.
Arre bhai Bharat main to kucch log unko 24X7 gaali dete hai, to kaise khush rahe?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru