Where is the money?

Posted on January 23, 2011 by Sunil Rajguru

In India, Black Money should be called Invisible Money.
Nobody has ever seen most of it…

2G Scam.
Kapil Sibal: There never was any money in the first place!

Harshad Mehta.
Income Tax Department: Where is the money?

Satyam.
Stockbrokers: Where is our money?

Fodder Scam.
Aisa hai bhayya, ki paisa ghaas charne gaya hai…

ICC’s Match-Fixing Department.
365 days a year: Where is the money?

A residence in 1996.
Sukh Ram: Where is my money? This is party money!

Bofors.
Congress: There never was any money!

Telgi.
Police: Where is the money?

Maya.
I have no black money. All white money and most of it has been invested in infrastructure like statues and parks.

Hawala Scam.
There never was any money!

Swiss Banks India Chapter.
Ha ha ha ha ha! LOL! ROFL! ROFLMAOAAPMP!

It happens only in Facebook…

Posted on January 23, 2011 by Sunil Rajguru

• Real World
A & B are chatting…
C comes along and A says to C (pointing to B): We’re friends.
Virtual World
Facebooker A and Facebooker B are chatting.
A: Who are you?
B: We’re friends!

• “Real”ly…
Just because I don’t say it, it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you.
Virtually…
Just because I don’t comment, it doesn’t mean that I haven’t read your Status Message (Or seen your picture/album etc)

• A common dilemma…
To update or not to update, that’s the question.

• “A birthday a day” means you’re looking at your Facebook Events section.

Some typical Indianisms…

Posted on January 21, 2011 by Sunil Rajguru

Voluntary Disclosure Income Scheme: A means of gathering money from crooks, thereby pardoning them, thereby creating a pool of money for even more corrupt schemes which can thereby create more crooks those who can then go ahead and redeem themselves when the next round of VDIS comes.
(Ad infinitum)

Party President: Ask the Prime Minister…
Prime Minister: As the concerned minister…
Minister: Ask the concerned officials…
Officials: It’s not our fault, media sensationalizing it, conditions are…
Elsewhere, the Buck stops some where.
In India, the Buck always plays a merry merry-go-round.

A Philosopher’s Worry…
What if none of this is true?
What if it is all unreal?
What if it was already decided by some higher entity?
A Cricket Fan’s Worry…
What if none of this is true?
What if it is all unreal?
What if it was already fixed by some top bookie?

The truth about voting and party symbols…

Posted on January 18, 2011 by Sunil Rajguru

Desh ne Panja ko vote diya.
Panja ne desh ko thappad maara.

Desh ne Kamal ko vote diya.
Kamal murjha gaya, keechad keechad raha.

State ne Haathi ko vote diya.
Haathi ne state ko kuchal daala.

State ne Laaltein ko vote diya.
Satta main aate hi Laaltein bujh gaya.

State ne Teer ko vote diya.
Teer ne aam nagrik ko apna nishana banaya.

State ne Bicycle ko vote diya.
Bicycle ki tarah saare neta chod ke chal diye.

State ne Ghadi ko vote diya.
Ghadi satta main aate hi band ho gayi.

State ne Hammer & Sickle ko vote kiya.
Hammer ne sab ko thoka, Sickle ne progress ko hi kaat ke rakha…

The Adventure of the Missing One and Three-Quarter Lakh Crores

Posted on January 7, 2011 by Sunil Rajguru

(A.k.a. The Adventure of the Dancing Numbers)

A short one-act one-scene play based on the 2G scam…

CAG Moriarty: +1.76 Lakh Crore.

Sibal Holmes: -1.76 Lakh Crore.

Net Result: Zero.

Elementary, my dear Citizen Watsons.

Case closed. Now go home and sleep…

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Bollywood thoughts for 2011…

Posted on January 4, 2011 by Sunil Rajguru

Shahrukh Khan: Ye 3 Idiots ne abhi tak 3 Khans ko overshadow kiya hai. Doosra ekdum Dabangg hai. Main Teesra Maar Khan raha jaunga kya? Nowadays, everybody’s Name is Khan, even Akshay Kumar’s! Par kya main phir se Don banunga? Kya Ra.One Raavan to nahin ban ke rahajaayega, jab ki mujhe Robot chahiye!

Anil Kapoor: No Problem, main Bollywood Race main hu ya nahin, Hollywood hai na!

Akshay Kumar: Kahin meri jawani chali to nahin gayi? 2009 ek Kambakkht Tasveer thi aur De Dana Dan flops se main Blue raha gaya. 2010 main sirf ek House Full tha, baaki sab Khatta Khatta 2009 ka Action Replayy tha. Aur ye bhi pata chala hai ki main Khan nahin hu, aur who bhi Tees Maar…

Hrithik Roshan: Guzaarish hain ki 2011 main phir se ek Kati Kite ki tarah na raha jau…

Ajay Devgn: Once Upon a Time in 2010, main bana Bollywood Ka Super Hero, meri hi Rajneeti chali, koi Golmaal nahin! Abhi to dil jawan hai, Dil Toh Bachcha Hai Ji!

Abhishek Bachchan: Khela Main Jee Jaan Sey, phir bhi Raavan ban ke raha gaya aur abhi tak Paa ki saaya main hu. Kya mera Game 2011 main badlega? No Idea, sirjee!

Aamir Khan: Maine ghat ghat ka paani piya hai, ab thoda biwi ka Dhobi Ghat ka success ka paani pee lu!

Saif Ali Khan: Main kab se Kareena pe Kurbaan hu, main uska James Bond hu: Agent Vinod.

Ranbir Kapoor: Main Rockstar hu!

Rajnikant: Main kya soch raha hu, tumhe kya karna hai? Ye poori duniya hi meri soch hai! Sochna band karoonga to Bollywood hi gayab ho jaayegi, Mind it!