Sunday ho ya ande,
Roz khao dande,
Scorecard pe ande,
Press conferences main anek funde,
Khele acche ya gande…
…phir bhi hit hai IPL aur ad ke dhandhe.
Ye hain Indian cricket team ke bandhe…
This spoof by Sunil Rajguru
Anna Hazare definitely needs Z+ Security from the verbal assaults and character assassination attempts from the fleet Congress spokespersons, particularly Diggy Raja.
Who says India doesn’t have good stand-up comedians?
Diggy Raja is world class.
Given enough time, Diggy Raja will blame the RSS even for JFK’s assassination.
Diggy Raja is totally sane.
It’s the world that’s mad.
Height of conspiracy…
Diggy Raja is an RSS agent.
If Diggy Raja was made the Lokpal, then he’d shut the office in two minutes flat saying that there is no corruption in India.
Jitna fast Anna ko stomachache nahin deta, us-se kahin jyaada Diggy Raja us-se headache deta hain.
Arundhati Roy is not an Independent Republic. Diggy Raja is.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
If the English won’t get you, then the injuries will.
If the injuries won’t get you, then the DRS will.
(Especially applicable to greats like Rahul Dravid)
Sachin has been stranded on his 99th international century for ages now. But that’s normal. He always spends a lot of time in the nervous nineties.
The BCCI now stands for the Board of Control of Cricketing Injuries.
A movie based on the tour will predictably be called Ghayal, the English remake will be…
Eight Injuries and Indian Cricket’s Funeral.
Yesterday’s Theme: Hum honge kaamyaab…
Today’s theme…
Hum honge tanadarust, hum honge tanadarust ek din,
Tan main hain vishwas, poora hai vishwas…
New rhyme for kids…
Eleven Indian cricketers standing in the field,
Eleven Indian cricketers standing in the field,
If one Indian cricketer should get accidentally injured,
Then there’d be ten Indian cricketers standing in the field,
Ten Indian cricketers standing in the field…
Indian cricket players can now be divided into two equal halves:
Between those who have played on the 2011 England tour and those who haven’t.
Desperate measures: Sack the coach, hire a fleet of doctors. Scrap the NCA, build a BCCI Hospital.
Old Saying: Delhi door hai.
New Saying…
Sachin ka sauwa shatak door hai.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
∙ Anna Hazare on fast. Loses 3 kgs in 3 days.
Congress credibility also on fast. Has lost so much weight that very soon it will be hospitalized and put on drip.
(August 19)
∙ A CongPal Resolution has been passed by which the Congress party will be protected at any cost; Desh, Lok, Anna sab gaye tel lene!
∙ Many years ago, they made a Tryst with Corruption. At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the whole world slept, they looted the nation.
Here’s wishing India Independence from these corrupt blokes.
(I know that’s impossible, but hey! A wish is a wish!)
(August 15)
∙ The three avatars of BSY…
Pre-2008: Godot (Wait, I’m coming one day)
2008-2011: FevicolMan (Meri aur gaddi ki majboot jod hai, tootegi nahin!)
2011: Terminator (I’ll be back!)
(August 14)
∙ Overheard…
A US President: I just upgraded my Blackberry and downgraded my country!
∙ In light of the Gold prices, from now on in India a Platinum Jubilee will be celebrated after 50 years and a Golden Jubilee after 75 years.
∙ Roller Coaster Duncan Fletcher…
When Fletcher took over England, they were at the bottom. He took them to the top.
(Then to the bottom again)
When Fletcher took over India, they were at the top. He took them to the…
Either way, it’s a roller coaster. India riding up or down from Birmingham?
(August 9)
∙ A Second Recession in the US?
I have a feeling that they have merely split the Second Depression into two parts for some positive spin and good press.
∙ America needs a new AAA battery.
Anyone has a spare?
(August 8 )
∙ Is it a one down batsman?
Is it a temporary wicketkeeper?
Is it a makeshift opener?
Is it a taken-for-granted rock solid wall?
Is it a recalled ODI batsman?
No!
It’s DravidMan!
Dhan-tana!!!
∙ Dear India,
No action will be taken against Sheila as she refuses to quit and her boss is on sick leave.
Regards,
A grand 126-year old party.
(August 7)
∙ Haar ke baad Yuvi-Bhajji bimaar…
CWG probe se Kalmadi ka dimaag bimaar…
Scams ka tsunami ke baad Sonia bimaar…
India is one really Bimaru nation!
∙ Manmohan Singh looks so peaceful with his headphones in Parliament.
I’ve a sneaking suspicion that he listens to soothing music and not the transcripts of MPs!
(August 5)
∙ 2007-2009 T20 World Champs.
2009-2011 Test World Champs.
2011-2015 ODI World Champs.
Indian fans stop complaining!
We’ve never been called world champs for 8 long years!
Which brings me to the Indian Cricket Rule: To wear a new world crown, you have to remove the one that’s already on your head!
(August 2)
© Sunil Rajguru
∙ Bhajji ko series main itne saare runs khaake hajam nahin hua isiliye fourth day ko stomach upset tha.
∙ Tendulkar Mahashatak Trivia No. 23: The bowlers purposely leaked runs to ensure that Sachin would get a large enough target to score his 100th international hundred.
∙ If we lose this Test then Rahul might just gain Sachin’s iconic status. Some may say: We lose every time Dravid scores a century.
∙ Bad performance Reason No. 24: Duncan Fletcher has spent so much time with the English cricket team that he speaks like them. The Indian players sub-consciously think that the enemy is speaking to them and don’t listen to him.
∙ Bad performance Reason No. 27: The Indian cricketers body clock is still set to IST and that’s why they play well till tea after which its bedtime for most. Either that or the English tea simply doesn’t suit them.
∙ If the Indian cricket team were an animal then it would be one with a great body and a lousy tail.
(Reference: India-England cricket Test match at Trent Bridge from July 29-August 2)
© Sunil Rajguru
∙ Here’s hoping that the English Lords find Trent a Bridge too far…
(July 29)
∙ Yeddy… (2008)
Steady… (2009)
Go… (2010)
Finally went! (2011)
(Note: UPA still “Steady” in 2011)
(July 28)
∙ Prayer for Kalmadi-type blokes…
Oh God forgive them for they remember not what they have done!
(July 25)
∙ The Congress has finally hit out strongly against terrorism!
(Key: Diggy Raja=Raja Harishchandra. RSS=Terrorists. Slap=Retaliatory Action.)
(July 18)
∙ Somewhere in Wonderland…
Alice Kingsley: I try to believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
Somewhere in India…
Diggy Raja: I try to say as many as six impossible things before the last Press Conference.
(July 12)
∙ In Facebook, you can be a friend without really knowing a person.
You can have a 100 mutual friends despite being absolute strangers.
Like pen friends, what are we?
Mouse friends? Keyboard friends? News Feed friends? Wall friends? Status friends?
∙ Cabinet Reshuffle: DMK eyeing Minister of State for Home.
Reason: All its Ministers have left their Home State for Tihar Jail…
…and prisons come under the above-mentioned ministry.
∙ Emraan Hashmi movies look really good.
Fresh heroines, great songs and different plots.
I probably would have watched all of them had it not been for Emraan Hashmi.
(July 9)
∙ Foreign coach: Never give up on Hope!
First Indian athlete: Woh kya bola re? Accent gadbad hai.
Second Indian athlete: I think… Never give up on dope!
∙ Yesterday: India was a nation of no-hopers in Sports.
Today: It desperately wants to be a nation of no-dopers!
(July 8 )
∙ Trillion Rupee Babies…
Holy Wealth: Padmanabhaswamy Temple
Scam Maker: A Raja
Tax Evader: Hasan Ali
While temples are desi, for the rest, its Indo-Swiss bhai bhai!
(July 7)
∙ Lokpal to be renamed Netapal as it will end up protecting politicians instead of the people.
Corrupt log pal pal bach gaye!
∙ The only “natural” thing for Ghulam Nabi Azad and his government is men having shady deals with other men (MSDM). Any absence of that is a “disease” which has to be cured. Example, Anna Hazare.
(July 5)
∙ The Indian version of Waiting for Godot is Waiting for Lokpal.
Conceived in 1969, yet to be born even in 2011.
Veerappan and Prabhakaran were caught in lesser time.
∙ Like Google+ our politicians should launch a social networking site called Corruption+
(July 4)
∙ Novak is the Serbian word for new.
Djokovic means following after.
Looks like a “New” age of competition will “Follow after” the Federer-Nadal era of monotony.
(July 3)
∙ World cricket is a closed loop.
BCCI = Board of Control of Cricket in ICC.
ICC = India’s Cricket Council.
(July 1)
© Sunil Rajguru