· When the UPA falls, there will be a great reduction in Noise Pollution levels thanks to the wind being taken out of the sails of the Congress spokespersons.

· Old speculation: Will the Sensex cross 20K?
New speculation: Will the next scam cross Rs 2 lakh crore?

(August 31)

· Come! Be corrupt. Bunk office. Don’t be accountable. Shout loudly at work. Go on junkets. Promote your children shamelessly. Get chargesheeted freely. Never retire. Live long.
(Ad for Indian politics)

· Modi made a really stupid statement on malnutrition.
Score: Modi: 1. Congress Spokespersons: 10,786.

· Kasa kay barah aahe?
I am Kasab bhai,
Kashala fret kartos bhai,
Still some time before I die…

(August 30)

· Confused birds: For Assam violence, Home Minister goes chicken (Pak Pak Pak Pak) and Prime Minister goes Tweet Tweet Tweet Tweet.

· The UPA machine can count only upto 12 digits.
Any number in 13 digits (1 lakh crore) and it sets itself to Zero.
Hence the multitude of “Zero Scams”.

· British rule: Loot India, subdue regional players, play politics of religion, believe in Queen and dynasty…
(Now replace British with Congress.)

· BJP twisted logic No. 24…
More the UPA works, the more scams it creates.
Parliament disruption leads to No Work = No Scams.

(August 29)

· Manmohan at NAM might well declare, “I am not aligned to any superpower scam!”

· Sholay ran for 5 years for its 15 crores.
Today films get Rs 100 crore in 5 days.
But Sholay still rules after 37 years.
These other films will be forgotten in 37 days.

· My wife complains that post-Twitter, my attention span is also 140 characters and that’s how much I listen to her at a time!

(August 28)

· Emergency 1975: Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi.
Emergency 2012: Hazaaron Scams Aisi.

· Coalgate was exactly the 1000th question that MMS had refused to answer to the nation and hence Hazaron jawabo se achchi hai khamoshi meri…

· 2009-12: UPA’s Opposition is Courts, CAG, Anna, Swamy and itself. BJP absent.
2012: BJP in the news only by being absent.

· PM Said: Hazaaron jawabo se acchhi hai meri khamoshi…
Unsaid: Hazaaron scams pe jawab dene se acchi hai khamoshi…

· Indian democracy…
Hamaam main sab nange,
Koyle ke khaan main sab kaale,
Hamaare saare vote bekaar.

(August 27)

· MSM agenda: Break the news. Break the back of Social Media news.

· Overseas: 10 Indian batsmen=1 Foreign one. Trent Bridge 2011: India 158. Bell 159. At home, reverse: NZ 159. Pujara 159.

· Armstrong. Live Strong. Fall Strong. Doping committee Headstrong?

(August 25)

· Coalgate: Right now the Congress and BJP are singing to each other: Jo tera hai who mera hai, jo mera hai who tera hai…

· Swamy and Chidu are like Bollywood brothers separated at birth.
Ek hero bana, ek villain bana.
Climax main kya hoga?

· Casablanca quotes for TV…
Breaking News! Let’s have a panel discussion! Round up the usual suspects!
Anchors to Usual Suspects: I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship!

· The Cricketing Monk who sold his Ferrari and gave away his BMW.

(August 24)

· Right now Cheteshwar Pujara is The Brick. It takes time to build The Wall.
(Note: Gavaskar, Manjrekar & Dravid were called The Wall in that order).

· Pre 1947: Angrez. Post 1947: Congrez.

· There’s a Coald war between the Congress & BJP over a Coallosal scam.
The BJP thinks the Coalition with Coallapse.
Coald comfort! Coald shoulder in Parliament won’t work.

· This is the first time in years we won’t be able to unleash the D/L method on our Test opponents.
(D/L=Dravid/Laxman)

(August 23)

∙ NDA, 1998-2004: We can’t help it, we are clearing the mess the Congress made.
UPA, 2004-12: We can’t help it, we are simply following the policies of NDA.
Third Front, 2014: We don’t care. Either way, you’re screwed!

∙ Everyone will get their 15 minutes of fame.
Every Modi basher will get his or her 15 years of fame.

∙ Wilfred Rhodes of England played Test cricket till the age of 52.
Sachin Tendulkar has declared that will be the last record he will break before retiring.
(Just joking!)

∙ Congress: Ban SMS!
BJP: Ban MMS!
Internet Hindus: Ban MSM!

∙ Coalmine: A mine from which coal is obtained.
Coalnotmine: Both the BJP and Congress blaming the other for Coalgate.
Scam? Not mine!

∙ 2004 reality: BJP is Bad so let’s replace it with something Worse. Enter the Congress.
2014 expectation: Congress is Worse so let’s upgrade to the Worst and Hang Parliament.

(August 22)

∙ Forecast: Dark Knight (Rahul) to Rise in 2014 thanks to the likes of Bane (Prasad Verma).

∙ In 2014, Rahul will act in a movie called Ek Tha Dynasty.

∙ Beni Prasad Verma is happy with both Financial Inflation (as symbolised by UPA2) and Intellectual Recession (as symbolised by Rahul Gandhi).

∙ SMS temporarily stands for Scarce Messaging Service.

∙ Today will be celebrated as Happy Inflation Day! (Patron: Beni Prasad Verma)

∙ Ek anar (Rahul) sau bimaar (entire Congress leadership).

(August 20)

∙ Before you find out whether a movie starring the 3 Khans, Devgan or Akshay is great or pathetic, it has already made Rs 100 crores. Business beats Logic any day.

(August 19)

∙ BSY should be renamed the Trinity.
He Created the BJP government in Karnataka; he Preserved his chair for years and now he is bent on Destroying his party in the state.

(August 18)

∙ As the Centre watches, the North East madness goes West and then South.

∙ Asylum is fine. But will Assange be able to “Leak” into Ecuador wiki wiki?

(August 16)

∙ Gali gali main shor hain,
Sab neta chor hain,
Par ye corruption andolan ab bore hain.

(August 13)

∙ What the UP minister actually meant…
Steal a little (crores), but don’t loot (lakhs)…

∙ The writings relating to Chetan Bhagat are infinitely more interesting than the writings of Chetan Bhagat.

∙ 1980s Bollywood cliche: Bas chahiye naukri aur chhokri.
2012 Baba Bhagat wisdom: Young India wants good job and girlfriend.
P.S. Girls are not part of Young India or do they want girlfriends too?

(August 10)

∙ Main bhi Anna, tu bhi Anna aur lo ban gaya Anna ek aur neta.

(August 5)

∙ Bharatiya Anna Party. Indian National Anna. Anna Party of India. Annawadi Party. Anna Dal. Team Anna Anshan Party. Team Anna (United)…

(August 3)

∙ If only Team Anna could get one vote for every Anna status message in cyberspace, it’d get a landslide in 2014!

∙ Bura na maano Rakhi hai!
Today is the birth day of many new brothers.

(August 2)

© Sunil Rajguru