Monthly Archives: September 2014

More on the Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty…

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Films of…
Pappu: The Man Who Would be Prime Minister.
Sonia: The Last Queen of Scamland.
Manmohan: On Her Majesty’s (Not So) Secret Service.

Report: Rs 51 lakh spent for maintenance at Sonia’s house.
Question: Has India spent Rs 51 lakh crore for maintenance of the Dynasty so far?

Like Mr India, Sonia Gandhi is a superhero called Mrs India.
She becomes totally invisible when media discusses scams, policy debacles and UPA2 disasters.

Manmohan: I was not in charge.
+ Sonia: I wasn’t the PM.
= Nobody was responsible for the UPA2 debacle.

Congress to all its detractors…
Kyun (Vinod) Rai ka parvat bana rahe ho?
‪#‎ScamsterMMS‬ ‪#‎UPA2‬ ‪#‎Coalgate‬ ‪#‎2G‬ ‪#‎NotJustAnAccountant‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

It’s all about the Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty…

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The mother of all plans…
Plan A: Senior Dynasty member.
Plan B: Junior Dynasty member.
Plan C: Wait for some other Dynasty member to grow up.

When things go right: All credit goes to the Dynasty.
When things go wrong: No blame goes to the Dynasty.

Every day…
Wake up thinking of the Dynasty. Listen to the Dynasty. Praise the Dynasty. Defend the Dynasty. Bow to the Dynasty. Sleep thinking of the Dynasty.

Slogan…
404 seats: Mera Dynasty Mahaan.
44 seats: Phir Bhi Mera Dynasty Mahaan.

Before election…
Rahul Gandhi Congress Bachao Yojana.
After election…
Rahul Hatao Priyanka Lao Yojana.
Roadblock…
Narendra Modi Congress Dubao Yojana.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

More Imran Khan-PTI musings…

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Pakistan is not a State.
It is a loose alliance of generals, politicians, US officials and terrorists.

Indian men watching Pak turmoil on news channels.
Indian women watching serene Pak soap operas on Zindagi.
Now all we need is an Indo-Pak cricket match for the sports channels.

It’s quite simple actually.
In Pakistan, night (dictatorship) always follows the day (democracy).
Also, the day is as dark as the night.

Imran Khan’s jingle for Pakistan is…
Boore din aane waale hai.

Lose elections.
Become irrelevant.
Lay siege to a capital.
Do lots of drama.
Rubbish journalists.
Party infighting.
24X7 TV coverage.
Iconic leader good at everything but politics.
‪#‎AAP‬ ‪#‎PTI‬

Imran Khan is the boy who didn’t even own the bat and got out and continued batting claiming that the bat was his.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When Imran Khan tried to take over Pakistan…

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Sometime in 1947…
That this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government of the army, by the army, for the army, shall not perish from Pakistan.

Imran Khan and Arvind Kejriwal are twins.
The only difference is that while the former is backed Generals, the latter was backed by Editors.

Pakistan today…
Mr Sharif: The power behind the PM’s chair.
General Sharif: The power behind the power.
America: The power behind the power behind the power.
Imran: Just behind power.

Nawaz Sharif: Head of democracy.
Raheel Sharif: Head of army.
Imran Khan: Head of anarchy.

Why New Pakistan?
Just rename it Pachaosistan.

Aide: Forget Imran, he’s going cuckoo.
Nawaz: I’m more worried about Pakistan going coup-coup.

Team Imran Khan lost all its wickets in 2013 but is curiously still batting in 2014.

Pakistan main Army kabaab hai aur democracy haddi.

Batsman: Nawaz Sharif.
Bowler: Imran Khan.
Umpire General Raheel Sharif: Koi baat nahin, no ball pe no ball feke jao.

Pakistan’s biggest enemy is not India, but Pakistan.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

August 2014 Status Updates

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Terrorists believe in…
‪#‎KickTheBucketChallenge‬.‬

In cricket, Imran Khan was a fine bowler and captain and wowed the spectators.
In politics, no bowling or captaining: Just lead the spectators to rioting.

(August 27)

A Tale of Three ODI 200s…
South (Africa) ki bajayi Sachin ne.
West (Indies) ki bajayi Sehwag ne.
East (Australia*) ki bajayi Rohit ne.
Note: England is in the North.
‪#‎JustThinking‬‬
(*Australia=Eastern side of world map.)

If somehow all these Ice Buckets could be transported from the West to parched areas in the rest of the world… now that’s a real Challenge!

(August 25)

The perpetual foreign Test rain song…
Rain rain go away,
come again another day,
India wants to lose today.

(August 11)

If looks could kill, you’d be arrested.
#BangalorePolice #SuspiciousBehaviour #Vagabonds

(August 8)

Modi is playing a Test match.
His detractors are giving commentary pretending that he’s playing a T20 match.

(August 4)

No-one can beat my shirtless acts: Salman.
Pantless beats shirtless any day: Aamir.
P.S. Plus both together!
#PK #MoveOverSunnyLeone

(August 3)

India won by pace and bounce. #Lords
England won by spin. #Southampton
Call it the Crossover Series. #IndVsEng

(August 1)

© Sunil Rajguru