Monthly Archives: September 2011

We all follow Anna…

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Anna: Is desh ko jail bharo andolan ki zaroorat hai.
Impact: MPs and former MPs start lining up in Tihar jail. All the Reddy politicians down south either get arrested or chargesheeted.

Anna: Digvijay ko mental asylum bhejo.
Maya: Ye accha idea hain! Julian Assange ko bhi mental asylum bhejo!

Anna: Ek strong bill hi corruption khatam karega.
Maken tries Annagiri immediately after the fast with a strong Sports Bill, but unfortunately falls flat.

Anna: Chahe to Parliament ka gherao karo!
Advani: Ye accha idea hai. (And for days the BJP protests outside parliament instead of inside it).

Anna: Anshan sahi raasta hai.
Government planners: To food inflation ko badne do, phir sabko majbooran anshan karna hi padega!

Anna: Main politicians ke khilaaf kuch bhi boloonga.
Poor Kiran, Om Puri, Kejriwal, Prashant Bhushan try exactly the same thing and promptly get privilege notices.

© Sunil Rajguru

Diggy Raja musings…

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Anna Hazare definitely needs Z+ Security from the verbal assaults and character assassination attempts from the fleet Congress spokespersons, particularly Diggy Raja.

Who says India doesn’t have good stand-up comedians?
Diggy Raja is world class.

Given enough time, Diggy Raja will blame the RSS even for JFK’s assassination.

Diggy Raja is totally sane.
It’s the world that’s mad.

Height of conspiracy…
Diggy Raja is an RSS agent.

If Diggy Raja was made the Lokpal, then he’d shut the office in two minutes flat saying that there is no corruption in India.

Jitna fast Anna ko stomachache nahin deta, us-se kahin jyaada Diggy Raja us-se headache deta hain.

Arundhati Roy is not an Independent Republic. Diggy Raja is.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

India-England cricket tour injury musings…

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If the English won’t get you, then the injuries will.
If the injuries won’t get you, then the DRS will.
(Especially applicable to greats like Rahul Dravid)

Sachin has been stranded on his 99th international century for ages now. But that’s normal. He always spends a lot of time in the nervous nineties.

The BCCI now stands for the Board of Control of Cricketing Injuries.

A movie based on the tour will predictably be called Ghayal, the English remake will be…
Eight Injuries and Indian Cricket’s Funeral.

Yesterday’s Theme: Hum honge kaamyaab…
Today’s theme…
Hum honge tanadarust, hum honge tanadarust ek din,
Tan main hain vishwas, poora hai vishwas…

New rhyme for kids…
Eleven Indian cricketers standing in the field,
Eleven Indian cricketers standing in the field,
If one Indian cricketer should get accidentally injured,
Then there’d be ten Indian cricketers standing in the field,
Ten Indian cricketers standing in the field…

Indian cricket players can now be divided into two equal halves:
Between those who have played on the 2011 England tour and those who haven’t.

Desperate measures: Sack the coach, hire a fleet of doctors. Scrap the NCA, build a BCCI Hospital.

Old Saying: Delhi door hai.
New Saying…
Sachin ka sauwa shatak door hai.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

August 2011 Status Updates

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∙ Anna Hazare on fast. Loses 3 kgs in 3 days.
Congress credibility also on fast. Has lost so much weight that very soon it will be hospitalized and put on drip.

(August 19)

∙ A CongPal Resolution has been passed by which the Congress party will be protected at any cost; Desh, Lok, Anna sab gaye tel lene!

∙ Many years ago, they made a Tryst with Corruption. At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the whole world slept, they looted the nation.
Here’s wishing India Independence from these corrupt blokes.
(I know that’s impossible, but hey! A wish is a wish!)

(August 15)

∙ The three avatars of BSY…
Pre-2008: Godot (Wait, I’m coming one day)
2008-2011: FevicolMan (Meri aur gaddi ki majboot jod hai, tootegi nahin!)
2011: Terminator (I’ll be back!)

(August 14)

∙ Overheard…
A US President: I just upgraded my Blackberry and downgraded my country!

∙ In light of the Gold prices, from now on in India a Platinum Jubilee will be celebrated after 50 years and a Golden Jubilee after 75 years.

∙ Roller Coaster Duncan Fletcher…
When Fletcher took over England, they were at the bottom. He took them to the top.
(Then to the bottom again)
When Fletcher took over India, they were at the top. He took them to the…
Either way, it’s a roller coaster. India riding up or down from Birmingham?

(August 9)

∙ A Second Recession in the US?
I have a feeling that they have merely split the Second Depression into two parts for some positive spin and good press.

∙ America needs a new AAA battery.
Anyone has a spare?

(August 8 )

∙ Is it a one down batsman?
Is it a temporary wicketkeeper?
Is it a makeshift opener?
Is it a taken-for-granted rock solid wall?
Is it a recalled ODI batsman?
No!
It’s DravidMan!
Dhan-tana!!!

∙ Dear India,
No action will be taken against Sheila as she refuses to quit and her boss is on sick leave.
Regards,
A grand 126-year old party.

(August 7)

∙ Haar ke baad Yuvi-Bhajji bimaar…
CWG probe se Kalmadi ka dimaag bimaar…
Scams ka tsunami ke baad Sonia bimaar…
India is one really Bimaru nation!

∙ Manmohan Singh looks so peaceful with his headphones in Parliament.
I’ve a sneaking suspicion that he listens to soothing music and not the transcripts of MPs!

(August 5)

∙ 2007-2009 T20 World Champs.
2009-2011 Test World Champs.
2011-2015 ODI World Champs.
Indian fans stop complaining!
We’ve never been called world champs for 8 long years!
Which brings me to the Indian Cricket Rule: To wear a new world crown, you have to remove the one that’s already on your head!

(August 2)

© Sunil Rajguru