Some political definitions…

Lok Sabha boycott: An art perfected by Rahul Gandhi, while the BJP is still struggling to pull it off.

PM’s Statement in the House: Something that rarely comes and when it does, there’s no-one around to listen to it.

Opposition: Something the BJP has outsourced to civil society, CAG, courts etc.

Social Networking: The new terror network and danger to India.

Lakh Crore: The very basic unit of a scam.

NDA: Non-functioning Democratic Alliance.

UPA: Unilateral Parties Association.

The NaMo Test: The litmus test in Indian politics. You are either with him or against him with nothing in between.

Civil Society: A type of society that the government finds quit uncivil.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

July 2012 Status Updates

∙ Overheard…
Manmohan Singh: Kamse kam tum logo ka power waapis to aayega! Mera power cut to permanent hai!

∙ Zero Loss Sibal gets his match in Zero Power Loss Tewari.

∙ India has officially entered the Dark Age… Black Money, Blackouts and Black hearts are the order of the day.

(July 31)

∙ Anna is “fast” losing support in this country.

(July 25)

∙ Election of a President.
When you add an S (Sonia) to it, it is nothing but…
Selection of a President.

(July 24)

∙ Today the IPL resumes: IndoLanka Perennial League.

(July 21)

∙ No. 1 is White Money. No. 2 is Black.
And they say Rahul Gandhi is No. 2 in Congress.

(July 19)

∙ Cricket + Politics = Cocktail
Cricket + Politics + Pak = Molotov Cocktail

(July 16)

∙ Fed(is.no)ex!

(July 9)

∙ Bose… Boson.
So if a Mr More discovers a subatomic particle, we’ll finally have a Moron?

(July 7)

∙ Particles have antiparticles.
So is the antiparticle of the God particle the Devil particle?
Over to you CERN.

(July 5)

∙ You can find God in whatever you look, even in a particle.

Bhagwan nahin mila, par kam se kam bhagwan ka tukda to mila!
(God particle)

(July 4)

∙ New election symbols in UP…
SP: Car.
BSP: Maya’s statue.
BJP: Wilted lotus.
Cong: Thumbs down hand.

∙ Lady Gaga is the smartest celebrity.
I’m sure she goes out of her house in normal clothes regularly and nobody recognizes her.

∙ It had become LinkedIntoTwitter.
Now it’s back to being LinkedIn.

∙ A Kingfisher bird strikes in the water.
A Kingfisher plane strikes in the air.
(Note: Both strikes have different meanings.)

(July 3)

∙ No relationship comes with an expiry date.
Unless you’re Tom Cruise… then it’s 33.

∙ The reign in Spain stays mainly on the football plain.

(July 2)

∙ Everyone apes TOI. TOI apes The Hindu.
At Independence, The Hindu carried only ads on the Front page.
Now in 2012, TOI does that regularly.

(July 1)

© Sunil Rajguru

To be or not to be, that is the question…

Politics in India is facing Hamlet style dilemmas…

Karnataka BJP…
To split or not to split, that is the question.

Nitish on NDA…
To quit or not to quit, that is the question.

Mamata on UPA…
To exit or not to exit, that is the question.

UPA on explaining the economy…
To bullshit or not to bullshit, that is the question.

Planning Commission woes…
To shit (in such an expensive loo!) or not to shit, that is the question.

ACP Dhoble when he enters a Mumbai bar…
To beat or not to beat, that is the question.

Rahul Gandhi’s entire political philosophy…
To eat (in a poor man’s house) or not to eat, that is the question.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

April 2012 Status Updates

∙ The Indian Judicial system solved the Rs 1 Lakh bribe issue @Rs 25 a day.
That’s why it took 11 years.
At this rate other multi-crore scams may not be solved till even Judgement Day.

∙ At this rate Mamata will ban even red paint from West Bengal.

(April 28)

∙ After AMS, all dirty pictures were banned on TV. Poor The Dirty Picture just got caught in the crossfire.

(April 24)

∙ Common man’s shot at politics: Around 150 Lok Sabha MPs are chargesheeted. Around 150 are from a dynasty. Around 120 are from reserved quota.

∙ The Trinamool isn’t showing any mamata to the people of West Bengal.
SP is still being mulayam towards the criminals of UP.

(April 23)

∙ BSY: The CM’s chair is mine.
Comment: Yes you have been removed due to that “mine” only.

∙ Congress ko PMS, sorry AMS ho gaya hai.

(April 20)

∙ Change has finally come to West Bengal.
Things have gotten much worse!
Yesterday: Think Left. Today: Think Left Ultra.

(April 19)

∙ Mamata in the Opposition was obviously anti-establishment.
Mamata as the Establishment is also sadly anti-establishment.

(April 17)

∙ Indian politics today:
The Centre’s at the periphery.
Nothing’s right with the Left.
Nothing’s left with the Right.
Regional players are plain parochial.
The Voter’s in Hot Water.

Zara deri ho gayi. Kash amir dil se aap kuch 26/11 pe action lete.
(Plus: It’s Indo-Pak tourism more than Indo-Pak talks)

∙ The detractors will now have to SIT down.
After 10 years, Godhra has been Modified.

∙ So the Republicans zero in on Mitt Romnahin.

∙ In 2012, the world may well end for things like UPA governance, low prices and Republican Presidential aspirations.

∙ Asking for privacy in social networking is like asking for a burqa for “Face”book.

(April 11)

∙ 0G=Motilal/Jawaharlal (No Gandhi surname).
1G=Indira Gandhi.
2G=Sanjay, Rajiv, Sonia.
3G=Rahul-Priyanka.
Dynasty bhi abhi 2G pe hi atka hua hai!

∙ Agatha Christie wrote And Then There Were None.
Manmohan Singh is also writing And Then There Were None where None=Clean ministers in his Cabinet.

∙ Like the Terminator, BSY keeps saying “I’ll be back”.
Like the Terminator, BSY is bent on terminating the BJP in Karnataka.

∙ In terms of generations of corruption, India must be at 10G, I guess.

∙ Say coup twice: CoupCoups.
Yes you’ve gone Cuckoos if you think it can happen in India.

∙ Corruption ka ghada bhar gaya, overflow hua aur toot bhi gaya. Indian politicians ne doosre Maha ghade ka intezaam kiya hai.

(April 5)

© Sunil Rajguru

Main politician to nahin…

(Original Lyrics: Main shaayar to nahin, magar ae haseen jab se dekha maine tujhko, mujhko shaayari aa gayi…
Song: Main shayar to nahin. Film: Bobby. Year: 1973.)

Now Kanimozhi was a shaayar to begin with. So how did she enter politics?
Her take…
Main politician to nahin, magar ae haseen rokda jab se dekha maine tujhko, mujhko politics aa gayi…

Manmohan’s take…
Main politician to nahin, magar ae kambakht Raja ko jabse dekha, mujhko politics aa gayi…

Anna’s take…
Main politician to nahin, magar ae haseen andolan aur mauka jab se dekha maine tujhko, mujhko politics aa gayi…

Diggy Raja’s take…
Main spokesperson to nahin, magar ae Congress bachane ka bhoot ka virus jab se dimaag main ghusa, mujhko verbal diarrhoea aa gayi…

Rahul…
Main politician to nahin, magar kya karu, mere DNA main hain, politics aaye ya na aaye, ek din to pradhan mantra ban-na hi padega! Meri duvidha samjha karo bhai log!

Advani…
Main pradhan mantri to nahin, magar marte dum tak pradhan mantrigiri jaayegi nahin…

Maya…
Ye koi maya to nahin, par jabse maine pradhan mantri ki kursi ko dekha, aur kuch dikhai deta hi nahin…

Sonia…
Na main politician hu, na main shaayar hu, bus ek behind the scenes player hu…

Chidambaram…
Main politician to nahin, magar ae Subramanian Swamy ko jab se dekha, lagta hai ki bachi kuchi politics bhi chali jaayegi…

Pawar…
Main politician to nahin, main billionaire bhi nahin, main BCCI main bhi koi nahin, in fact main kuch bhi nahin…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Books and Authors: Indian politics section

The Merchant of 2G: A Raja

Discovery of Corruption in India: Subramanian Swamy

Decline And Fall of the Congress Empire:
Anna Hazare

Death of a Prime Minister:
An autobiography by Manmohan Singh

Invisible Man:
A biography of Manmohan Singh by LK Advani

Such a Long Journey, A Story of all my Rath Yatras: LK Advani

I Follow the Anna:
Kiran Bedi

Blind Men of Hindoostan in The Corruption War: Arvind Kejriwal

The Book of Revelations, India Chapter: Julian Assange

A Suitable Boy (For the PM’s Post): Diggy Raja

Diggy Raja in RSSland: Where our hero plays the Mad Hatter, the grinning Cheshire Cat and the Mocking Turtle all in one for the Queen of Hearts of the Congress Party

All’s Well That Ends Well, A Prediction for 2014: Kapil Sibal

All the Queen’s Spokesmen: Manish Tiwari

Character Assassination of a PM: Pranab Mukherjee

A Statue for Ms Mayawati: Satish Misra

Only Full Stops in India:
Prashant Bhushan

Anna Hazare Ha, Ha, Ha: Mani Shankar Aiyar

Lokpal-The Gathering Storm: Anna Hazare

The Prisoners of Tihar: Amar Singh

Passage to England: MS Dhoni

Passage to India: Alastair Cook

The Lokpal Odyssey Series…

1963: Odyssey One, 1968: Odyssey Two, 1971: Odyssey Three, 1985: Odyssey Four, 1989: Odyssey Five, 2011: Odyssey Six…

Coming Soon: Lokapl, the Final Odyssey: Abhishek Manu Singhvi

These versions by Sunil Rajguru