Some really bad PPJs (Pakistan PJs)

Ek haath se Tali(ban) nahin bajti.
Isiliye do haath chahiye:
1. Afghanistan Taliban chapter and 2. Pakistan Taliban chapter.
Ab dono milke poora region ka baja rahe hai.
(Tali to baj rahi hain, ab
Taliban ka kaun bajayega?)

∙ From now on the BBC will stand for the Banned Broadcasting Corporation in Pakistan.

∙ The Pakistan government has also decided to ban the word “vice” from texting.
Henceforth, Short Messaging Service will be known as Short Messaging Ser.

∙ Pakistan na to India ka dost hai aur na to Afghanistan ka dost hai aur na to US ka dost hai aur ab latest NATO ka bhi dost nahin raha…

∙ Pakistan has banned Facebook and YouTube. They will now be coming out with a new website called Twofacedbook. The replacement for YouTube will be MeTube, where Me stands for Military eye.

© Sunil Rajguru

Books and Authors: Current Affairs

International…

A General out of his Labyrinth!—Asif Ali Zardari

All the Prime Minister’s Women—Silvio  Berlusconi

(A sequel to All the President’s Women by Bill Clinton)

A Tale of Two Revolutions—The Unknown Egyptian Protestor

Arms and the Afghan—Mullah Omar

Blind Men of Pakistan and the War Against Terror—Maulvi Jalaluddin Haqqani

Economy…

Book of (No) Job— The Unknown Wall Street Protestor

And Quiet Flows the Cash— Another Unknown Wall Street Protestor

I Bing—Bill Gates

National…

How to Lose Friends and Influence No People—Diggy Raja

Chronicle of a Scam Foretold—Subramanian Swamy

Waste Land: The Playing Fields of CWG & F1— Mani Shankar Aiyar

Catch-22—Manmohan Singh

Heir (Not So) Apparent: A Biography of Rahul Gandhi—Arvind Kejriwal

Pride and Prejudice—Manish Tiwari

Does the Empress of India have the Emperor of Maladies?—The Non-existent Indian Journalist

Much Ado About Nothing: The truth behind 2G—Kapil Sibal

My Prison Diary—Anna Hazare

Khan Wars—Kareena Kapoor

MMS & A Series of Unfortunate Events—Pranab Mukherjee

In Search of Rahul Gandhi—An Unknown Indian Citizen

2011: War Without Victory—Manmohan Singh

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

More said and unsaid…

Prime Minister Manmohan Singh: No irritants in ties with US.
Unsaid: Pakistan, China, 2G, CWG… nothing irritates me anymore. I have attained Nirvana!

Pakistan: We are still considering the MFN status with India.
Unsaid: We’ve already given them MFN status with regard to export of terrorism, haven’t we?

Indian Media: Justice Markandey Katju is wrong, erroneous and talking absolute crap!
Unsaid: We know that he is right, but if we accept it then how will we be able to function? Which world are you living in man?

BJP: We strongly oppose Mayawati’s move to split Uttar Pradesh into four states.
Unsaid: It’s a brilliant populist move and we wish we could have done it when we were in power!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Money for nothing and arms for free

Pakistan sure knows how to play America to get billions of dollars for nothing in return for most of the time.

Please sing to the tune of Money for Nothing by Dire Straits…

I want my military fee…

Now look at them generals, that’s the way you do it,
You play the terrorists and then set them free,
That ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it,
Money for nothin’ and arms for free,
Now that ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it.
Lemme tell ya them guys ain’t dumb,
Maybe get a little sinister on your swagger,
Maybe get a swagger on your n-bomb.

We gotta install nuclear-tipped missiles,
Custom Chinese and North Korean deliveries,
We gotta move these armies,
We gotta move these hidden Al-Qaidis,

(See the little president with spectacles and the grin,
Yeah buddy that’s his own hair,
That little president got his own jet airplane,
That little president he’s a millionaire)

We gotta install nuclear-tipped missiles,
Custom Chinese and North Korean deliveries,
We gotta move these armies,
We gotta move these hidden Al-Qaidis,

I shoulda learned to play the superpowers,
I shoulda learned to play them dumbs,
Look at that drama, they’ve got the bloody moolah,
Man we could have some,
And they’re up there, what’s that? Nuclear noises?
Bangin’ on the missiles like a chimpanzee,
That ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it,
Get your money for nothin’ get your arms for free

We gotta install nuclear-tipped missiles,
Custom Chinese and North Korean deliveries,
We gotta move these armies,
We gotta move these hidden Al-Qaidis.
Money for nothin’ and your arms for free,

Look at that, look at that…

Money for nothin’ and your arms for free,
I want my, I want my, I want my military fee,
Money for nothin’ and arms for free…

I want my, I want my, I want my military fee…

(Original Song: Money for Nothing.
Group: Dire Straits.
Year: 1985)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

Everybody loves Dr Strangelove…

Pakistan to US: We have nukes, don’t mess with us.

India to Pakistan: We also have nukes, but we allow you to mess with us, don’t we?

China to world: Nukes gaye tel lene, we’ll mess with who we please.

Russia: We have thousands of nukes and nobody even notices us anymore.

Britain & France: What about us, we’re invisible nuclear powers too!

Israel, North Korea, Iran…: Me too! Me too!

US: Bachha log jhagadna band karo. We rule the world without using a single nuke.

(Hiroshima and Nagasaki happened in the last century).

Japan: Besharmo, ek nuke ka kya asar hota hai, koi hamse poochho!

Terrorists: Bhagwan ke naam pe ek nuke dede re baba.

Moral of the story: Everbody loves Dr Strangelove and they have learnt to stop worrying and love the bomb.

This version by Sunil Rajguru

…Static from Pakistan…

… Rabbani ki jawani… Haqqani ki qurbani…  Kayani ki manmaani… SOS to US… US to use Pak… Pak to use US… US-Pak useless… Amreeka-Pak bhai bhai… Amreeka-Pak bye-bye… ISI US you… Sab ka hai bhool… Ulta har usool… Khatre main sabki jaan… Phir bhi Amreeka mahaan… Doublespeak Wikileak… Come and take a peek… Obama ka drama… Osama ka hungama… Musharraf in a huff… International handcuff… Zardari harakiri… Pak terror baby… Deadly Headley… To be or not to be… Major Iqbal ka jaal… Sab hain behaal… Lashkar bas kar… Jeeta tera darr… Pak ka kata nak… Kya karega Barack… 26/11 nahin hai 9/11… Bhoolo 11/7 aur 13/7… Bharat chal hat… Stay in your rut… Dawood n the hood… Any moolah’s jolly good… Ilyas still the boss… India can stay cross… Osama se Pak O fasa… Terror itihaas racha… CIA’s no to ISI… ISI’s no CIA… Nuke ki bhook will puke… Zara tu ruk… Kam tamaam… Balm’s the harm… Kya cool hai hum… Barood, terror, bomb aur gham…

This version by Sunil Rajguru