Sonia: Puppetmaster.
Rahul: Trainee puppetmaster.
Manmohan: Puppet.
Pranab: Puppet doctor.
Sibal: Voice of the puppet.
Tiwari: Noise of the puppet.
Chidambaram: Shadow puppet.
Team Anna: Noisy audience.
News channels: TV without a remote.
Parliament: Punch and Judy Show.
© Sunil Rajguru
(Based on the story “Blind men and an elephant”)
The Lokpal Elephant was kept in a dark room and various people went to check it out.
Kapil Sibal felt the tusks and said, “This is pretty strong, hard and can rip apart almost anything!”
Laloo Prasad Yadav felt the leg and said, “My God! This is so strong! It can crush us any time!”
Arvind Kejriwal felt the tail and said, “This is so thin and useless!”
M Karunanidhi felt the ear and said, “This looks quite small and useless, my ministers will be safe.”
Mamata Banerjee tried to touch the trunk but it kept moving this way and that way and she exclaimed, “My God! I don’t even know what this is!”
Mulayam Singh Yadav felt the stomach and it rumbled loudly and so he ran out of the room.
Some Congress MPs went too close to its rear and got disgusted and ran away too.
LK Advani sat in the corner and refused to touch the elephant saying, “What do I care! We are not in power!”
This version by Sunil Rajguru
Social activist Anna Hazare has spawned a group of services all across India and is doing a lot of things for a lot of people…
Anna Political Opposition Services
Have you been a poor Opposition and been unable to stand up to the Government of the day? Have you been ineffective and invisible for too many years? Then never fear! Anna will do your dirty work for you!
Clients: BJP and other Opposition parties.
Anna Legislative Consultancy Services
Have your bill drafts been weak and unable to gain wide acceptance of the masses? Have you been unable to pass a particular bill for four odd decades? Well then, Anna will help you on your way!
Client: Congress and Lok Sabha. (Unwillingly)
Anna TV Programming Services
Tired of showing the same ole shit related to Bollywood, cricket and other mundane happenings of India? Anna will provide you with enough TV content to last 25 hours comfortably, if ever the day was to be extended.
Clients: All Indian TV news channels.
Anna Image Management Services
Do you want to be political stars without being politicians? Simply join our team!
Clients: Kiran Bedi, Arvind Kejriwal, Prashant Bhushan, Kumar Vishwas…
Anna Alcoholics Anonymous
Do you want to give up your drinking habit for good? Well, step this way please! We will flog you within an inch of your life and you will be too scared to look at a single peg in your entire life!
Clients: The anonymous alcoholics of Ralegaon Siddhi.
Anna Recruitment Agency
Have you been unable to hire an effective Lokayukta for your states? Are all your prospective candidates jinxed? Don’t worry: Team Anna will give you a workable list and push hard in the public domain.
Client: Karnataka Lokayukta (trial in progress).
Anna International Services
Coming Soon.
Anna Catering Services
Disclaimer: Please simply go on a fast!
© Sunil Rajguru
∙LM Singhvi: I gave birth to the Lokpal Bill.
Abhishek Manu Singhvi: That’s nothing. I killed its effectiveness.
Anna: Wait for the Second Coming.
Lokpal Terminator: I’ll be back!
∙ Sonia: Now I’m ready to fight for the Lokpal Bill!
Anna: OK, wear the boxing gloves and let’s get in the ring.
Spokesperson: No. No. No. That’s against our sanskriti. What it means is that when someone else writes a speech, she reads it out and when she writes a statement, someone else reads it out. It’s nothing more than that!
∙ Maybe it’s all a problem of numerology while naming it the Lokpal.
Some alternative names…
Latepal… Lamepal… (go jump in the) Lakepal… Mockpal… (chaaku ki) Nokepal… Roke(sako to rok lo)pal… Tokepal… (un)Luckypal… Netapal… Votepal… Waatpal… Quotapal… (zero+joke)Zokepal…
© Sunil Rajguru
Sibal: Censor cyberspace!
Cyberspace: Censor Sibal!
Singhvi: Lokpal draft finished.
Team Anna: Lokpal finished!
Religious leader to women: Please don’t touch bananas.
Congress woman president to party leaders: Please stop going bananas!
Congress: FDI in Retail.
The Rest: Retail of Foreign Delayed Indefinitely.
Pranab Mukherjee: We are lucky that we are not eating lizards!
Citizen to politician: You lizard!
© Sunil Rajguru
Uncle: Beta, tum bade hokar Gandhi banoge ya Nehru?
Beta: Par main to already Anna ban chuka hu!
According to the World Population Census, the fastest growing country in the world in the month of August was Nation Anna.
The April agitation was a first step towards the August agitation, which is the first step towards drafting a strong Lokpal Bill, which will be the first step in the long and tough battle against corruption… (First step or Last hope?)
© Sunil Rajguru