Tag Archives: indo-pak

The conundrum that is Pakistan…

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Pakistan hates America, but loves to take huge military and financial aid from it.

Pakistan hates terrorists, but loves to give them all forms of support.

Pakistan loves the Army, but hates to accept the fact that it has ruined democracy in Pakistan.

Pakistan loves fundamentalists, but hates to acknowledge the destruction they have unleashed.

Pakistan hates India, but loves blaming it for all its ills.

Pakistan loves Kashmir, so much so that it seems to hate all its other provinces.

© Sunil Rajguru

Indo-Pak Nobel Peace Prize musings…

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(Reference: 2014 Nobel Peace Prize)

Too young to vote.
Too young to marry.
Old enough to get a Nobel Prize.
‪#‎MalalaYousafzai‬

Who won the Nobel Prize?
Nobel Committee: Indo-Pak Peace. Hindu-Muslim bhai bhai.

War and Peace…
War at the Indo-Pak border.
Peace Prize for two Indo-Pak citizens.
‪#‎LoC‬ ‪#‎Satyarthi‬ ‪#‎Malala‬

Fact of the day…
This is the first time that an Indian-born Indian resident citizen has won the Nobel Prize after 1930.

3 Indians won the Bharat Ratna for winning the Nobel Prize.
‪#‎CVRaman‬ ‪#‎MotherTeresa‬ ‪#‎AmartyaSen‬
Is Kailash Satyarthi next?

So now Pakistan shares an uneasy relationship with all its Nobel Laureates.
‪#‎AbdusSalam‬ ‪#‎MalalaYousafzai‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Indian border/LoC musings…

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Sad ugly truth…
China: Our soldiers don’t require visa to enter India.
Pakistan: Our soldiers don’t need to enter India. We fire from our positions and the Indian government does nothing.

What is common to Batman, Superman and Indo-Pak peace?
A: They are all fictional characters.
Tragedy is our leaders still believe in it as soldiers keep dying non-stop.

Pak leaders’ gifts…
Liaquat: 1948 Kashmir war.
Ayub: 1965 war.
Yahya: 1971 war.
Zia: Siachen conflict.
Benazir: Kashmir militancy.
Sharif: Kargil.
Sharif is back! Arre kamse kam koi usko return gift to de do!

Antony on KBC…
Antony: People in Pak Army uniform did it.
KBC: LoC kiya jaaye?
AKA: Errr… let me change my answer… Pak Army did it.
KBC: Full marks to you! Now we move on to the next question. What are you going to do about it?

We are an army of tigers led by wolves in lambs’ clothing.
(Summing up the soldier-politician relationship)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Why did the Pakistani cross the LoC?

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Why did Musharraf cross the LoC and then cross back again?
Because he was a double crosser.

Why did the Indian official cross the LoC and visit Pakistan?
Because he foolishly believed that peace was on the other side.

Why did the Indian soldier cross the LoC?
To win a war.

Why did the Pakistani soldier cross the LoC?
To lose a war.

Why did the Indian citizen cross the LoC?
Because he wanted to have a blast.

Why did the Pakistani citizen cross the LoC?
Because he heard a blast on the other side and mistook it for Pakistan.

Why did the terrorist cross the LoC?
He stoutly denied it saying that since he believed both Kashhmir and PoK were one and there was no LoC and it was an imaginary line and he didn’t cross it at all!

Why did the bird cross the LoC?
Birds are true children of nature and nature know no boundaries.

Why did the chicken cross the LoC on Monday?
To get to the other side.

Why did the Pakistani soldier cross the LoC on Tuesday?
Because it was the chicken’s day off.

Why did the chicken cross the LoC?
Because it heard a lot of Pak-Pak-Pak and PoK-Pok-PoK on the other side.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Aman ki asha musings…

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∙ Pak is Aman.
India is Asha.
Only Pak can bring peace.
India can only hope.

∙ Too much peace will leave you in pieces.
Some times it’s just best to stop talking peace.
Justice is far more important.
Respect our soldiers.

∙ Cong to Pak: Do not to test India’s patience!
Pak to Cong: We’ve been testing it for 65 years now, what’s a few decades more?

∙ Aman ki Asha=Chaman ki Bhasha.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Overheard 1…

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First official: Who’s next?
Second official: Some professor of Anna University in Chennai called Abdul on his way to New York.
First official: OK, check him thoroughly.

***

First voice: Main kal ek reality show pe ja raha hu, thoda kadki hain bhai!
Second voice: To ja na, aish kar.
First voice: Nahin yaar, programme main sach bolna padta hain. Ho sakta hain ki tumhare khilaaf kuch bol du.
Second voice: Jo bolna hain bol, itne saalo ke baad kya pharak padta hain? Waise bhi maine newspapers aur news channels wagere dekhna padna kab ka chod diya hain.
First voice: Cool

After a few days…
First voice: Yaar maine bola ki mujhe lagta tha ki tu meri aur madad kar sakta tha.
Second voice: Yaar maine poori koshish ki tumhe mere saath rakhne ki, shayad aur koshish karni thi.
First voice: Chal chod, kal pakka mil rahe hain na?
Second voice: Ha yaar, see you then.

After a few more days…
Sachin-Kambli friendship on the rocks!
Kambli blasts Sachin in reality show!!
Ye dosti… toot gayi!!!
How will Sachin react when he finally comes to know of the great betrayal???
………………………

***

Day 1
Guilty?
Nahin! No!
….
Day 12
Guilty?
Nahin!
….
Day 73
Guilty?
Nahin!
….
Day 143
Guilty?
Nahin!
…
Day 229
Guilty?
Nahin!
Day 230
Guilty?
Ha bhai hain! Main guilty hu! Kya karloge? Bahut ho gaya! Bas ye sawal band karo.

***

International concall
First head of state: Yes!
Second head of state: No!
First head of state: Yes!
Second head of state: No!
First head of state: Yes!
Second head of state: No!
First head of state: Yes!
Second head of state: No!
First head of state: Yes!
Second head of state: No!
First head of state: Yes!
Second head of state: No!
Senior official: Enough children! (Addressing the first) You’ll get your nuclear reactors (Addressing the second) You’ll get your millions.
First head of state: But I’m in a weak coalition government, anything could happen.
Senior official: I read the papers you know, I know you’ve a virtual 5-year-fixed term.
Second head of state: But I’m facing a coup.
Senior official: If you don’t comply, then we’ll organize one.
Interpreter: Kuch to Sharm karo…
Senior official: Ah yes! Sharm el-Sheikh…
Interpreter: …is also called the The City of Peace Madam!
Senior official: Then it’s settled!
First head of state: Yes Madam!
Second head of state: Yes Madam!
Interpreter: Yes Madam!

***

© Sunil Rajguru