UPA bashing of the day…

· I have a strong feeling that the Congress leadership has a game every morning to select “Idiot of the Day” and that person entertains TV channels and trends on Twitter for the day.

· Whenever the US is under threat, a 100 random lives get killed for no reason.
Whenever the UPA is under threat, a 100 random websites get killed for no reason.

· Hamam main sab nanga,
Par usme bhi
Congress sabse changa.
(Actually ye hai bahati corruption ki Ganga).

∙ Q: Aap ka dhan ka kaalapan ka raaz kya hai?
UPA: Hum roz Coalgate ka istemaal karte hai!

∙ Coal is a fossil fuel.
The UPA is full of fossils and has no more fuel to run any more.

· Manmohan’s personal symbol is the Lotus. He’s squeaky clean but surrounded by tonnes of mud.
(No wonder the BJP hate him so much!)

· Rahul is a Twit whose exploits have been ReTwitted in cyberspace a million times.
Boy will he Trend when he becomes PM!

Million dollar Baby: Hollywood.
$100 Billion Dollar Baby: UPA Scams.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Random black money musings…

Jitna White Snow Switzerland main hain, utna Indian Black Money to zaroor hoga us desh main.

∙ The Indian politician’s…
Ad jingle: Khaaye ja, khaaye ja, corruption ke gun gaaye ja…
Money anthem: It don’t matter if you’re black or white.
Slogan: Black power!
Favourite book: Black Beauty.
Favourite film: Black.

∙ The country is in its elements…
Earth (Coalgate), Fire (KG Basin Oil Scam), Air (2G), Water (Belekeri port scam)

∙ Overheard…
Citizens: Bring back money from Switzerland.
Politicians’ families: Bring Black Money from Switzerland.

© Sunil Rajguru

We didn’t start the scamfire…

This could well be in anthem of UPA2.

Corruption, scams and scandals have been around in India for what seems like forever.

Please sing to the tune of Billy Joel’s We didn’t start the fire

Haridas Mundhra & LIC, Pratap Singh Kairon & SC,
Jeep scam, Cycle import scandal, BHU funds misappropriation,
Teja loan and Kaling Tubes, Nagarwala scandal’s on,
Maruti & Kuo Oil, AR Antulay and cement what ho!

Bofors mega scam, St Kitts’s forgery and Airbus,
Palmolein Oil Import Scam in Kerala hai hai!

Harshad Mehta’s here now, the stock market’s got a new king,
Sugar import, preferential allotment, Meghalaya forest bye bye.

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…

Purulia arms drop, Fertilizer import uff oh!
CR Bhansali and Sukh Ram, Laloo’s fodder’s the big bloc.

SNC lavalin power project scam and Hawala’s on,
UTI almost falls, Cricket match-fixing around the clock.

Ketan Parekh, Barak Missile, and Kargil coffin scam,
Bihar land trouble and even a Cobbler scandal, India is a scamland,

PF, HUDCO, Taj corridor,
Navy war room spy scam, Trouble with Mr Telgi.

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…

Gegong Apang and PDS, Bihar flood relief scam,
Oil for food, Uttar Pradesh ayurveda and IPO.

Kerala ice cream parlour sex and Scorpene Deal,
White money homicide, Children of corrupt politicians.

Punjab city centre project scam, all sorts of mafia,
Haryana Teachers’ recruitment scam, Clean projects are a no-go.

Satyam not so true, State Bank of Saurashtra is in it too,
Jharkhand medical equipment scam, Cash for votes in Parliament also.

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…

Army ration pilferage, Ultra corrupt in the corrupt land,
Hasan Ali, Gujarat sugarcane, Emmar, Total scam invasion.

Coal, Tarta, CWG, LIC, Belikeri, Scam media mania,
ISRO S-Band, KG Basin oil, Goa SEZ, UP MGNREGA.

Adarsh, NHRM, IPL, Madhu Koda, ND Tiwari sex,
2G Rs 1.76 lakh crore, what else do I have to say?

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…

No control, Punjab paddy, Anna Hazare back again,
Flying club frauds, many scams in J&K too what rot.

Highway and HP pulse scams, Trouble on the airline,
Gujarat PSU irregularities, Sukhna, All’s sinking in scamistan.

Andhra also has a land scam, might as well commit suicide,
Karnataka Wakf Board Land, Maharashtra stamp duty.

President Patil land grab, Mines are under jungle law,
Congress and BJP wars, I can’t take it anymore.

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
But when we are gone,
It will still burn on, and on, and on, and on…

We didn’t start the scamfire,
It was always burning,
Since the world’s been turning,
We didn’t start the scamfire,
No we didn’t light it,
And we didn’t fight it…
We didn’t start the scamfire…

(Original Song: We didn’t start the fire.
Singer: Billy Joel.
Year: 1989.)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru

The blind men and the Lokpal Elephant

(Based on the story “Blind men and an elephant”)

The Lokpal Elephant was kept in a dark room and various people went to check it out.

Kapil Sibal felt the tusks and said, “This is pretty strong, hard and can rip apart almost anything!”

Laloo Prasad Yadav felt the leg and said, “My God! This is so strong! It can crush us any time!”

Arvind Kejriwal felt the tail and said, “This is so thin and useless!”

M Karunanidhi felt the ear and said, “This looks quite small and useless, my ministers will be safe.”

Mamata Banerjee tried to touch the trunk but it kept moving this way and that way and she exclaimed, “My God! I don’t even know what this is!”

Mulayam Singh Yadav felt the stomach and it rumbled loudly and so he ran out of the room.

Some Congress MPs went too close to its rear and got disgusted and ran away too.

LK Advani sat in the corner and refused to touch the elephant saying, “What do I care! We are not in power!”

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Anna-UPA musings…

How to make India a clean country…

Step 1: Take the highly complex issue of Corruption and isolate it.

Step 2: Put it in a box called Lokpal and lock it, throwing away the keys.

Step 3: Throw the box in the Anna River.

Step 4: Stand by the banks and pray…

∙ This whole Anna Hazare saga and his fight with the government is fast resembling a Harry Potter-Voldemort fight. Here’s reworking the original prophesy…

“The one with the power to vanquish the UPA approaches… born to a movement which has been thrice defied by the Centre… and the UPA will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the UPA knows not … and either must fall at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives…”

2012 Outlook: Either the government will fall or Anna will totally fail and be consigned to the shadows.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Tu mera Anna No. 1

OK, Team Anna is facing really tough times and the movement needs a theme song to pep it up.

Here’s one for Anna Hazare…

Please sing to the tune of Sona Kitna Sona Hai (Tu mera Hero No. 1) from the film Hero No. 1

Sona kitna sona hai, sone jaise tera jan andolan,
Sun zara sun kya kehti hai, krantikari desh ki dhadkan,
Sona kitna sona hai, sone jaise tera jan andolan,
Sun zara sun kya kehti hai, krantikari desh ki dhadkan,
Tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera Anna no.1,
Tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera Anna no.1.

Anna tu mera Anna hai, Baba jaisa kaam na kar,
Usne jo bhi kaam kiya, bilkul waisa kaam na kar,
Anna tu mera Anna hai, Baba jaisa kaam na kar,
Usne jo bhi kaam kiya, bilkul waisa kaam na kar,
Gandhiji kehete hai anshan, achchha nahin ye netapan,
Tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera Anna no.1,
Tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera Anna no.1.

Sarkar main kitni sampatti hai, baahar kitni kadki hai,
Sarkar ne bedardi meri haalat kaisi kar di hai,
Oof sarkar main kitni sampatti hai, baahar kitni kadki hai,
Sarkar ne bedardi meri haalat kaisi kar di hai,
Lokpal ko sanwidhaan main basaale, tod le sab tu uljhan,
Tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera Anna no.1,
Tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera Anna no.1.

Sona kitna sona hai, sone jaise tera jan andolan,
Sun zara sun kya kehti hai, krantikari desh ki dhadkan,
Sona kitna sona hai, sone jaise tera jan andolan,
Sun zara sun kya kehti hai, krantikari desh ki dhadkan,
Tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera Anna no.1,
Tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera tu mera Anna no.1.

(Original Song: Sona kitna sona hai.
Film: Hero No. 1.
Year: 1997)

This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru