Political musings of the day…

Posted on by
Reply

Lalu is India’s worst politician.
Kejri is Junior Lalu.
Kanhaiya is Junior Kejri.

India—Pappu se chahiye azaadi.
Bihar—Lalu se chahiye azaadi.
WB—Jungle Raj se chahiye azaadi.
JNU—Kanhaiya se chahiye azaadi.

The Rolling Stones debuted when Nehru was Prime Minister.
With the way they’re going, they might be performing even (if and) when Nehru’s great grandson becomes PM.

Nitish…
P for Prohibition.
P for Peace.
Jungle Raj criminal…
B for Bihar.
B for Bootlegging.

Lalu ne Bihar ki waat laga di.
Ab gham main daru bhi nahin pee sakte wahan ke log!
‪#‎JungleRajWithProhibition‬

Empty vessels (bartan) make loud noise.
Pori-bartan makes even louder noise with its empty promises.
‪#‎WBPolls2016‬

Congress totally destroyed West Bengal by 1977.
Since then, for the last 39 years, it has been “Under Construction”.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#2016T20WorldCup musings

Posted on by
Reply

Glory days of West Indies cricket of the 1970s-80s in ODIs and Tests won’t return, but they’ve come back at least in international T20s!

Dhoni has been doing unconventional things for 9 years.
With that he’s won 3 ICC Trophies and 2 Asia Cups.
So you can’t say that he’s gone wrong suddenly.

Sehwag didn’t get his 3rd Test triple.
Dhoni isn’t getting his 3rd World Cup.
But Rohit will get his 3rd ODI double.

1975-Hockey-Indira.
1983-ODI-Indira.
2007-T20-Manmohan.
2011-ODI-Manmohan.
All 4 World Cups under Congress Prime Ministers.

1983 World Cup final…
183 in 60 overs enough with West Indies.
2016 World Cup semi-final…
192 in 20 overs not enough with West Indies.

1979—Eng-WI final.
Since then from 1983-2015 all World Cup (ODI + T20) finals (14 in all) had at least one team from Australasia
Full circle…
2016—Eng-WI final.

Greatest fighter: Bruce Lee.
Greatest villain: Christopher Lee.
Greatest cricketer: Virat Koh Lee.

Teacher…
Every day is not a Sunday.
Kohli…
Every day is an MC-BC chakka-chauka maaro day.

Kohli ko neend main se utha ke bat thama do to fir bhi kisiko bhi 6 maarega.

The England riddle…
Great Test and T20 team.
Rubbish ODI team.

Sachin was declared a better batsman than Gavaskar.
ODIs had a great role in that.
Kohli will surpass Sachin.
iT20s will ensure that.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

March 2016 Status Updates

Posted on by
Reply

Strange…
The foreign media appears more shocked over the protests against the terror attacks rather than the attacks themselves.
‪#‎Brussels‬

(March 28)

Yesterday…
This is life. We are all just passing time here.
Today…
This is the Internet. We are all just passing time here.

(March 27)

You don’t need a Home Page any more.
A website can post just links of its articles via social media and still go viral and get a zillion hits.

(March 26)

No one ever really dies on X-Files.
Afridi never really retires.

If Tintin was a real person, he would go after all the terrorists and catch them one by one.
He wouldn’t be crying like that cartoon which went viral.
‪#‎Brussels‬

(March 25)

Pakistan’s golden age with cricket against India started with Miandad’s last ball 6 in Sharjah in 1986 and ended with the 1992 World Cup loss at Sydney.

(March 20)

English schoolkids wore ties.
Indians copied them.
Most English schoolkids stopped wearing ties.
Indian schoolkids still wear them.
(Despite India being much hotter than UK!)

Madame Tussauds made a statue of Manmohan Singh but it was immediately transferred to another Madam who used it to run the nation for 10 years.

(March 19)

The Left may kill a million and at the same time scream from the rooftops over an alleged unproven act of violence by their opponents.
‪#‎LeftistTerror‬

Ministers make editorial changes in their documents.
Editors make political changes in their reports.
‪#‎Ishrat‬

We are exercising our FoE¹.
—Kanhaiya and students.
We are also exercising our FoE².
—JNU authorities.
¹=Freedom of Expression.
²=Freedom of Expulsion.

(March 15)

They should just rename the Newshour to APL or Arnab Premier League.
Arnab wins every time.
Other 10 participants to battle for Runners Up trophy.

(March 12)

Maal-laaya.
Maal-liya.
Maal-le gaya.

RJ: Rich Joke
MCJ: Middle Class Joke
PJ: Poor Joke
RPJ: Really Poor Joke
BPLJ: Below Poverty Line Joke
DCJ: Destitute Class Joke

The exact yoctosecond you were born, you held the world record for being the youngest human being on Earth.

(March 10)

SWAK = Sealed With A Kiss.
SWAS = Sealed With A Six.
‪#‎Dhoni‬ ‪#‎AsiaCup‬ ‪#‎6KaBadshaah‬

(March 7)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Virat “King Kohli” musings…

Posted on by
Reply

cricket-players-2027502_640Foreign intellectuals will soon start an ‪#‎AwardWapsiCampaign‬ to protest Kohli’s Rising Intolerance against all bowlers in all formats.

When it comes to Kohli, MC-BC now stands for…
Master Chaser-Boss of the Chase.

Kohli ko chase main harana mushkil hi nahin, namumkin hai.
Iska hal gaayra mulko ki coaching departments khoj kar rahi hai.
‪#‎DonKohli‬

Q: What do you think of ‪#‎GharWapsi‬?
Kohli: Yes I love it. First we sent the Pakistanis home and then the Aussies. I want to do the same with the Windies.

Phone call: Can I speak to xyz Indian batsman?
Answer: Woh abhi batting pe gaye hai. Noodles chadha do. Boil ho jaayenge, tab tak wapis aa jaayenge.
Phone call: Can I speak to Kohli?
Answer: Woh abhi batting karne gaye hai. Kucch ghante baad jab India ki jeet ke phatake phootenge, matlab woh free ho gaye. Tab call karna.

Kohli to Australia…
Aisa hai bhai, aap logon ne ODI World Cups kuch had se jyaada hi jeete hai. Ab hum tumhe T20 World Cups nahin jeetne denge.

Rohit: Poori innings ya to main kheloonga ya tu.
Kohli: Chal hat. Is maamle main, main thoda selfish hu.

Australia in first 4 overs = 53 runs.
India in last 4.1 overs = 59 runs.
Tu great starter, to main greater finisher.
—Sri Sri Kohli Baba.

And Dhoni too…

Ashes to ashes,
And dust to dust,
If Kohli don’t get you,
Dhoni must.

Umpire: Line belongs to me.
Dhoni: Last over belongs to me.
Kohli: BC. MC. Poora inning mera.

Indian batting…
Body: Kohli.
Tail: Dhoni.
Yaane ki Indian batting ki umar hai itni sanam,
Kohli se shuru aur Dhoni se khatam.

Brangelina se dumdaar jodi hai Dhonikohli.

Smith wins the toss, elects to bat. Dhoni, you disappointed.
Dhoni: Thanks Steve! Kohli will anchor the chase and I’ll hit the winning shot.

Steve Waugh could do mental disintegration over a period of five days.
MS Dhoni can do that in one ball.

Chase main koi double century bhi maarega phir bhi winning shot main hi maarunga.
—Sri Sri Dhoni Baba.

Lethal jodi…
Kohli takes single and Dhoni comes on strike.
Bowler apna sar patakta hai.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Sinking Congressi musings…

Posted on by
Reply

1977-80.
1989-91.
1996-2004.
Congress money tanks were always flush when in Opposition.
For the first time taps in danger of running dry.

Congress: How could you dismiss Uttarakhand Government? This is murder of democracy!
Modi: Abhi to party shuru hui hai!
Ye toh bas shuruwaat hai.
Baad main na kahana kuch bhi.
Pahale hi de doon warning!

Shashi Tharoor…
Would be United Nations Secretary General.
To Minister of State.
To Kanhaiya’s spokesperson.
What a fall!

Go figure…
Student joins campus in non-BJP State.
Joins Communist politics, quits in frustration.
Commits suicide when Modi is PM.
Verdict: Modi’s fault!

Forget the Congress, President’s Rule has been implemented around 75 times just when the Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty was incharge.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#AdarshLiberals musings…

Posted on by
Reply

What #AdarshLiberals want…
New post of undisputed Monarch: Sonia.
President: Kejri.
Prime Minister: Pappu.
Home Minister: Lalu.
Foreign Minister: Mamata.
Education Minister: Kanhaiya.
Information & Broadcasting Minister: Diggy Raja.

Very high water guzzlers…
Meat industry.
Washing machines.
Western flushes.
Highest water guzzler for ‪#‎AdarshLiberals‬ who consume all three…
Holi!

JNU sedition rally and Hyderabad student violence is not shocking.
Shocking is how all this has been raging on unchecked for decades now.

It costs a lot of money to keep the Modi Hate Industry alive.
By keeping quiet and ignoring them, he’s bleeding them financially.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru