#UdtaPunjab musings…

Shahid Kapoor visited Punjab as a squeaky clean kid in 2007 (Jab We Met) but returned as a hardened drug addict in 2016 (‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬).

Punjab Problem (Udta Punjab)
Kashmir Problem (Haider)
Mumbai Riots, Kargil, 9/11, Godhra (Mausam)
Match-fixing, drugs (Kaminey)
Education problem (Paathshaala)
‪#‎ShahidKapoor‬

#‎UdtaPunjab‬ is a catchy name and a catchier hashtag.
Multiple Twitterstorms were inevitable.

“Adult with Caution” films at red light areas!
What next?
Red Light Mall Multiplexes?
‪#‎CensorBoardRevamp‬

Superheroes, aliens and spaceships are more real, believable and relevant than drugs, sex and nudity—hence we’ll pass the former.
‪#‎CensorBoard‬

Fact is stranger than fiction.
—Anonymous.
Fiction can’t be based on strange facts.
—Censor Board.
‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬

Drug problem is there.
India is corrupt and racist.
Gays are in large numbers.
Sex exists.
So, reality can’t be shown in fiction?

Censor board: Please replace Punjab with a fictitious land.
(The problem is that their image of Punjab itself is fictitious!)

Anurag Kashyap now has the unique record of having a film banned under Vajpayee, MMS and Modi.
Guess which made most noise?
‪#‎Paanch‬ ‪#‎BlackFriday‬ ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬

#‎UdtaPunjabVerdict‬
Shahid Kapoor
+ Kareena Kapoor
+ Alia Bhatt
+ Anurag Kashyap
+ Ekta Kapoor
+ Diljit Dosanjh
thrash Pahlaj Nihalani

The fact.
Every Censor Board since Independence has sucked.
The spin.
It started with Nihalani.
Modi hired Nihalani.
It’s Modi’s fault.

Gokul Shankar banned under Nehru.
Aandhi banned under Indira.
Pati Parmeshwar banned under Rajiv.
Black Friday banned under MMS.
Stop behaving as if it’s something new!

Time is right to make a film on the crazy chain of events in the ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ controversy.

Too many jokers are supporting ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ for all the wrong reasons.

Kejriwal is unhappy.
He doesn’t get a chance to waste an evening and review ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ for his Punjab voters.
Hence the attacks.

Above an “A” certification, just put a “Danger” certification and just go ahead and release the film as it is!

Reminder…
Censor Board was formed under Nehru.
It had a non-filmi ignoramus under Manmohan.
It has always been a problem.
But now it is finally being revamped under Shyam Benegal.

2004: ‪#‎AnuragKashyap‬’s Black Friday ready for release.
2007: Finally released by SC after censor ban.
2016: Delay in ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ makes India North Korea.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#UdtaKejri musings…

Kejri doing time pass till his next working day on Thursday.
(When he’ll review ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ on its premiere)

Don’t worry, by 2020 we will have a film called ‪#‎UdtaDelhi‬ showcasing the total breakdown of the city by then.

Kejri won the battle which didn’t even really concern him… ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬
But he totally lost the war… ‪#‎21UdteMLA‬

Delhiite 1: Par usne to bola tha ki main Delhi main bahaar launga?
Delhiite 2: Arre buddhu, usne bola tha ki “main Bihar launga”!

Kejri: Kya Modi bataaenge…
Modi’s office: Kripaya intezaar keejiye. Aap kartaar main hain. Aapk number 345678 hai…

Kejri was nausikhiya: Got 28 seats.
Did crazy midnight dharna: Got 67 seats.
Now he’s given such abysmal governance that he’ll get 70 seats next time.

Kejri said he would change the system.
He has spectacularly succeeded!
(He has made it much worse)

Mujhe PM banao, main poore India main anarchy failaaunga!
Voter: Pahale Delhi main karke dikha, fir dekhte hai.
Kejri: Challenge accepted!

Then…
There are cases against 40% MPs!
Now…
There aren’t cases against 40% AAP MLAs!
‪#‎Kejri‬

Kejri isn’t CM without portfolio. He’s…
Minister of External (Anything but Delhi) Affairs.
Minister of Information & Broadcasting Against Modi.

Zero portfolios.
Multiple MLAs out on bail.
21 extra parliamentary secretaries.
Water-power-garbage woes.
A million allegations.
‪#‎KingKejri‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Social media musings…

Troll.
Noun.
1. Critic.
2. Opponent.
3. Fault finder.
4. Fact checker.
5. Who differs in opinion.
and lastly
6. Stalker, abuser and one who threatens.

Social media has made all of us philosophers, writers, photographers, videographers, voyeurs, experts, agony aunts, attention seekers and trolls.

Fake story goes viral. Millions page views.
Fake story debunked. Millions more page views.
Particle-antiparticle pairs can be created from nothing.
Same with news!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

General political musings…

1999-2013: Nitish + BJP = Good governance.
2013-15: Alone = Directionless.
2015-__: Nitish + RJD = Jungle Raj.
Nitish = Water.
(Takes the shape of whatever vessel he’s put in!)

BJP weak.
SAD in shambles.
Congress uses riot-tainted Kamal Nath.
AAP was always a joke.
‪#‎PunjabAssemblyPolls‬ = Ultimate battle of losers.

Lok Sabha has 546 members.
543 elected.
2 nominated by President.
1 nominated by ‪#‎AdarshLiberals‬ ‪#‎SadhviPrachi‬

Lalu knew he’d get Jungle Raj.
Intellectuals knew he’d get it.
Lalu knew that the intellectuals knew he’d get it.
Some intellectuals, eh?

Most spokespersons in India are actually speaknonsensepersons.

If BJP boycotted all English media and embraced Doordarshan, AIR and all regional media, it would enhance their image and get more votes.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

And the Modi Hate Industry continues…

Under a Sonia regime they are too petrified to talk.
Under a Modi regime they scream boldly from the rooftops that they are petrified.

Rule.
Crime happens.
MLA. MP. CM. PM.
If anyone is from BJP, blame BJP.
After Modi won 2014, blame secured till 2019.

There are six degrees of separation between a Modi Hater and him blaming Modi for every little thing that happens in India.

People behave as if Modi had 1000 implementations ready just after he took oath of office.
Only Shastri and Rao achieved this much in 2 years.
200 million voted for NDA in 2014, a world record.
Yet they keep talking of “Paid BJP trolls”.
Every party and company has paid Tweeters.
‪#‎Fact‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

US Presidential musings…

Why Trump may win…
‪#‎ISimplyHateTrump‬ beats ‪#‎ButIHateHillaryEvenMore‬
(May the best man win = May the least hated person win!)

Every politician’s dilemma…
2008.
Obama: Down down Hillary!
2016-beginning.
Sanders: Down down Hillary!
2016-end.
Obama/Sanders: Up up Hillary!

The US President is King of the Global World Order.
So if Trump gets elected, forget America, you may have to leave this planet.
‪#‎Liberals‬

Had super delegates not rigged it, Sanders would have got all anti-Hillary and anti-Trump votes, which would be a good chunk.

Democrat leadership supports dynasty over merit.
Sanders was far more charismatic, but super delegates put him behind at start line itself.

Socialists/Communists say the American Dream is dead.
Can we instead discuss the Russian Dream from 1917-91?

100% American Presidents have been males who had at least one white parent.

If elected, ages when their US Presidential term ends in 2021…
Sanders 79.
Trump 74.
Hillary 73.
Old age pensioners club of candidates!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru