#RioOlympics2016 musings…

rio-1585738_640Badminton champion gets Rs 10+ crore for getting our only Olympics woman silver in 100+ years.
Daughter of badminton champion gets Rs 10+ crore for every film, hit or flop.

‪#‎Irony‬
Shobhaa De trolled the India Olympics contingent really gracelessly.
Instead those who outed her are being called trolls.

#Ind Post-1947.
6 #Olympics Gold medals.
3 cricket World Cups.
1 hockey World Cup.
All under Congress Prime Ministers. 100%.
#Replug

Most politically incorrect song from Bobby during the #Olympics
Na chahoon Sona Chandi…
Ye mere kis kaam ke…
Ye to hain bas naam ke!

I think they should award a fourth place “Pewter Medal” in the Olympics for the benefit of countries like India.
‪#‎Rio2016‬

Other countries…
You don’t win a silver, you lose a gold.
India…
You don’t lose a bronze, you win a fourth place.
‪‪#‎Reality‬

‪#‎BetiBachaoBetiPadhao‬
should be officially changed to
‪#‎BetiPadhaoBetiKhilao‬

Shobhaa De should make a few more nonsensical statements.
A couple more Indian women will end up winning ‪#‎Olympics‬ medals.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Kejri and his parallel universe…

Other people take a break when they work too much.
Kejri takes a break when he Tweets/alleges too much.
‪#‎Vipassana‬

Modi is so frustrated that he can have me killed.
Translation—I am so supremely frustrated and desperate that I just thought that up!
‪#‎Kejri‬

In Hollywood’s Wag the Dog, they create a fake war.
In Bollywood-style India, Kejri has made a complete fake universe around himself.

Modi may kill me: Kejri.
Kejri may kill me: Asim.
‪#‎AAPception‬ (AAP + Inception + Deception)

After blasting AAP, Sidhu can still join with his head held high because he is already part of two industries: Entertainment and politics.

If an AAP leader sets off a nuclear bomb in Delhi and is arrested, Kejri will Tweet…
Modi just arrested AAP man.
He’s not letting us work.

Not just ‪#‎Sidhu‬.
‪#‎Churchill‬ was a party hopper.
So is ‪#‎Trump‬.
And about half of India’s Prime Ministers too.

Why blame ‪#‎Sidhu‬?
About half of India’s Prime Ministers were party hoppers.
‪#‎Morarji‬ ‪#‎Charan‬ ‪#‎VPSingh‬ ‪#‎ChandraShekhar‬ ‪#‎Gujral‬ ‪#‎Gowda‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

US Presidential election musings…

Advisor 1: If Hillary becomes Prez, First Lady will become what?
Advisor 2: Ask Bill.
Advisor 1: Sir, First Lady?
Bill: LOL! First Lady? I am on my 2000th Lady!

Democrat: If our system was perfect, then Trump would never have been nominated.
Republican: If our system was perfect, then Hillary would be in jail by now.

For media, liberals, intellectuals, Leftists, seculars and DNC, Hillary is the messiah and Trump is an anti-Christ.

If you are perplexed at how Modi won and Trump is winning, it means you read/watch too much of mainstream media.
Social media trends are rarely wrong.

For those still thinking that Trump is “fringe” and “pariah”, know that 14 million people have already voted for him!
‪#‎RepublicanPrimaries‬

Bill’s charisma pushed her to the Senate.
Barack made her Secretary of State (out of guilt?).
DNC made her a Presidential candidate.
Self-made?

Democ(linton)rats.

In a fair election, Sanders may have beaten Hillary.
By settling with a DNC apology and endorsing Hillary—he’s betraying his own supporters.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The never ending Indian political musings…

1000 crimes in WB—Yawn!!!
1000 crimes in Bihar—I love Lalu!!!
1000 crimes in UP—Ignore till Dadri.
1 crime in Modi’s BJP-ruled State—This is Sparta!!!

Student: Bharat tere tukde!
Liberal: Wah wah! Maja aa gaya!
Citizen: Bharat Mata ki Jai!
Liberal: Sanghi! Bigot!
Arnab: India first!
Liberal: Pathetic journalism!

#‎SleepingBeautyRahul‬
Ye bechaara kaam ka maara, ise chaahiye chhutkaara.
Congress: Par hum denge ise party President ka tiara.

Advisor: Apologize or we will have a lengthy court case.
Pappu: Suits me. I have nothing to do. Ye sab accha time pass hai!
‪#‎RSSCase‬

In 2009 the BJP was done and dusted.
Social Media biggest factor in its revival.
If BJP cracks down on Social Media, backlash will be colossal.

Log poochte hain ki Modi sahab videsh main itna khush kyun rahate hai.
Arre bhai Bharat main to kucch log unko 24X7 gaali dete hai, to kaise khush rahe?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

July 2016 Status Updates

All-in-one Indian cities.
Venice during rains.
Celebrating Earth Hour during power cuts.
Ghost towns in the night.
War zones during the day.

(July 29)

Q: So what are your priorities after the coup?
Erdogan: Infrastructure.
Q: ?
Erdogan: Jails. I need many more jails. I don’t know where to put all these people!

(July 28)

#‎BangaloreStudents‬
April-May: Summer Vacations.
October: Dussehra Vacations.
December: Christmas Vacations.
July: Transport Bandh Vacations.

(July 27)

Being Human is totally incorrect.
On screen he’s Superhuman.
Off screen he’s Inhuman.
‪#‎Bhai‬

(July 25)

Christopher Nolan can still make Inception 2 and claim that Inception 1 was all a dream and the sequel is the real world movie.

Listen to a talk or interview and count to the number of times a person says “You know!”
It’s an epidemic.

(July 20)

#‎TerrorAxe‬
‪#‎TerrorTruck‬
‪#‎TerrorCar‬
‪#‎TerrorPlane‬
‪#‎TerrorCycle‬
‪#‎TerrorBelt‬
‪#‎TerrorShoe‬
‪#‎TerrorSuitcase‬
‪#‎TerrorUnderwear‬
‪#‎TerrorChildren‬

(July 19)

2004: Masti.
2013: Grand Masti.
2016: Great Grand Masti.
2018: Super Great Grand Masti?

Cook can break Sachin’s Test records.
Kohli/Amla can break Sachin’s ODI records.
Nobody can breaks Hobbs’ record of 61,760 First Class runs.

(July 16)

Why the 3 Khans never age…
Salman
1989 bachelor—Maine Par Kiya
2016 bachelor—Sultan
Aamir
1984 student—Holi
2009 student—3 Idiots
SRK
1996 Major—Army
2012 Major—Jab Tak Hain Jaan

(July 12)

The irony…
A living Saddam leads to tens of thousands of deaths.
A dead Saddam leads to hundreds of thousands of deaths.

Breaking the eardrums.
Breaking all logic.
Breaking the country.
Breaking the peace.
Breaking each other’s necks.
Anything but breaking news.

(July 11)

What if a lab finds more fat content in certain Indian foods than burgers and pizzas?
‪#‎KeralaFatTax‬

(July 9)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

5 ways how Bollywood promotes misogyny

nature-3047449_1280Recently Bollywood superstar Salman Khan said that he felt like a raped woman during the shooting of his upcoming film Sultan. While this created quite an outrage, why are we surprised? Bollywood has been misogynistic in nature for decades and it has only got worse in multiplex age.

A look at how all this plays out…

1. Glorification of eve teasing: India is a strange country. First of all, the name “eve teasing” sounds so harmless and actually fun. The truth is that it should be called outright harassment or molestation. And eve teasing is glorified in Bollywood.

How many times has the hero indulged in eve teasing with a group of friends against the heroine and her group of friends? Then they get together and it’s all supposed to be OK. But what if they didn’t get together? Wouldn’t it be plain harassment?

Bollywood morality shows that it is OK to eve tease someone whom you intend to marry and it’s all supposed to be part of the wooing process. What the heroine thinks it totally irrelevant.

Another problem is that the hero also physically touches the heroine in inappropriate places during the wooing process and she’s just supposed to get angry and storm off instead of reporting the harasser/molester… sorry eve teaser to the police.

2. Saying that stalking for love is OK: Stalking is considered a serious crime in the West. It was a joke in Bollywood and India and it took only the horrific Nirbhaya rape case and the 2012 national anti-rape outrage to bring about a change in the laws.

The 2013 amendment saw stalking being a crime with a prison sentence of 1-3 years. What if we indulged in an imaginary exercise and applied this law retrospectively to Bollywood films down the ages?

How many Bollywood plots would go awry because the hero ended up in jail for stalking?

Take a recent music video sang by Bollywood singer Yo Yo Honey Singh featuring Bollywood stars Hrithik Roshan and Sonam. In the video the two don’t know each other that well but they keep bumping into each other all the time.

In one scene Sonam enters his room and finds it full of her photographs clicked secretly over a period of time at many locations. In the video she is shown as quite thrilled but in the real world I suspect an average woman would find it creepy and freak out.

3. Really retrograde lyrics: The Bollywood eve teaser’s anthem should be “Tu Mere Agal Bagal” from the movie Phata Poster Nikhla Hero (2013). Sample some of its lyrics…

Khaali peeli khaali peeli rokne ka nahin,

Tera peechha karoon toh tokne ka nahin,

Haan tujhpe right mera,

Tu hai delight mera,

Tera raasta jo rokoon,

Chaukne ka nahin,

Tere doggy ko mujhpe bhaukne ka nahin,

Tera peechha karoon toh rokne ka nahin.

The song continues like this and to cut a long story short, the synopsis is that the hero says that he has a right (and even “delight”) to stalk and eve tease the heroine and she is not even supposed to protest it. She should in fact accept the stalking and teasing in full.

It is picturised on A-lister Shahid Kapoor and made by A-list director Rajkumar Santoshi who has been in the movie business for more than 30 years.

Even a superstar like fourth generation Bollywood dynast Kareena Kapoor did an item number with the lyrics…

Main to tandoori main to tandoori murgi hoon yaar,

Gatkale saiyan alcohol se oh yeah.

(I am a just a tandoori chicken in a tandoor yaar, just swallow me dear lover with alcohol oh yeah!)

The movie was Salman’s Dabangg 2 (2012).

The changing of Mandana Karimi’s lyrics from “Oh boy, oh boy, I’m your soft toy” to “Oh boy, oh boy, you’re my soft toy” by producer Ekta Kapoor was considered revolutionary by Bollywood standards.

The movie was Kyaa Kool Hain Hum 3 (2013).

I wouldn’t be surprised if the song “Dhoop main nikla na karo roop ki rani” would have been sung a million times in the last 30 years by random guys when they saw random girls on the road all across the country since the movie Geraftaar was released in 1985.

That movie had Amitabh Bachchan singing the lyrics and also featured Kamal Haasan and Rajinikanth. Talking of Rajinikanth there is also a scene in Enthiran (2010) where Aishwarya Rai is almost molested by a coconut seller and later the hero and heroine just laugh it off and subsequently sing and dance. Crimes against Indian women are generally not taken that seriously by the Indian film industries.

4. Showcasing the alpha male vis-à-vis the heroine: World cinema has gone ahead, but most of our movies still show that the hero has to be an alpha male and he has to strut around wooing the heroine. We are yet to get out of the formula of romantic musicals.

Even if you keep churning out romantic musicals and show the hero and heroine on equal footing, it is OK. But even in 2016 it appears that it is the hero who has to woo the heroine and keep her away from harm and she just can’t take care of herself.

5. Trophy heroine for blockbusters in the multiplex age: This is a continuation of the above and the latest rage is the blockbuster where the Bollywood masala has been supersized with the prime example being Dabangg (2010). Most of the blockbusters are made keeping the hero in mind and the heroine is just a fill in the blanks kind of thing and anyone can be taken.

The heroine just has to look good with the hero. Like we have the concept of the “trophy wife”, you could say that Bollywood has mastered the art of the “trophy heroine”.

Taken all this together, you could say that Bollywood has a serious problem with the way it treats its women on the screen.

(This article appeared in Sify.com)