The secret diary of LK Advani…

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Still plenty to live for…
Let me review my Vision 2020…

2011: Current Congress government most corrupt in the history of India!
Have to go on the offensive, stall Parliament, organize as many yatras as I can…
Stay in the limelight… stay in the limelight…

2012: Have to push Vajpayeeji for the President’s post when Pratibha madam retires. Only fit man in India to swear me in as PM…

2013: Modi will be sworn in as CM in the beginning of the year.
I have to get him to break Basu’s Bengal record.
Got to keep him away from Delhi… got to keep him away from Delhi…

2014: Anti-incumbency wave will finally hit UPA.
I finally get my dream to be PM!!!

2015: Nitish Kumar has to be pacified.
His re-election will make many NDA allies propose him as PM candidate.
5 cabinet berths for JD(U)? Massive Bihar relief package? Unification plan for Bihar and Jharkhand?

2016: Rath Yatras 17, 18 and 19 will have to be kick-started to maintain popularity.

2017: I will show these jokers how to implement 4G!

2018: BJP’s glorious campaign on Black Money will finally bear fruit, boosting the economy and boosting my popularity too!

2019: On my re-election as PM, I will simply have to appoint my successor, otherwise they will start pulling me down.

2020: Rath Yatras 20, 21 and 22 to celebrate my second term.

2024: Lok Sabha polls? No, no, no… that will be thinking too far ahead!

© Sunil Rajguru

The Real Wars on Terror…

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Corruption = Financial Terrorism.

Wah wah WikiLeaks whistleblower, khoob kaha!

Pakistan = Centre of Terrorism.

US = Centre of Diplomatic Terrorism.

India = Centre of Financial Terrorism.

Berlusconi = Centre of Sexual Terrorism.

And Nobody’s really fighting against these Wars on Terror.

This version By Sunil Rajguru

Where is the money?

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In India, Black Money should be called Invisible Money.
Nobody has ever seen most of it…

2G Scam.
Kapil Sibal: There never was any money in the first place!

Harshad Mehta.
Income Tax Department: Where is the money?

Satyam.
Stockbrokers: Where is our money?

Fodder Scam.
Aisa hai bhayya, ki paisa ghaas charne gaya hai…

ICC’s Match-Fixing Department.
365 days a year: Where is the money?

A residence in 1996.
Sukh Ram: Where is my money? This is party money!

Bofors.
Congress: There never was any money!

Telgi.
Police: Where is the money?

Maya.
I have no black money. All white money and most of it has been invested in infrastructure like statues and parks.

Hawala Scam.
There never was any money!

Swiss Banks India Chapter.
Ha ha ha ha ha! LOL! ROFL! ROFLMAOAAPMP!

© Sunil Rajguru

It happens only in Facebook…

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• Real World
A & B are chatting…
C comes along and A says to C (pointing to B): We’re friends.
Virtual World
Facebooker A and Facebooker B are chatting.
A: Who are you?
B: We’re friends!

• “Real”ly…
Just because I don’t say it, it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you.
Virtually…
Just because I don’t comment, it doesn’t mean that I haven’t read your Status Message (Or seen your picture/album etc)

• A common dilemma…
To update or not to update, that’s the question.

• “A birthday a day” means you’re looking at your Facebook Events section.

© Sunil Rajguru

Karnataka: Some questions and answers…

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Q: Who is the Leader of the Opposition in Karnataka?
A: The Governor.

Q: Why is the Centre not imposing President’s Rule in Karnataka?
A: Because it has already imposed Governor’s Rule.

Q: Why has all development in Karnataka either come to a standstill or is going at a snail’s pace?
A: Since an out and out pro-development CM SM Krishna was brutally booted out, subsequent rulers are convinced that the people of the state hate development and are working against it. Andhra Pradesh is also suffering for doing the same to Chadrababu Naidu. Also, corrupt CMs seem to have a greater chance of re-election.

Q: What is the land policy of Karnataka?
A: Equality for all politicians. Since it is perceived that the Congress and JD(S) have already taken over huge amounts of land, the BJP is desperately trying to achieve parity before it is toppled.

Q: Why is the Chief Minister of Karnataka not quitting?
A: If LK Advani can stay after the debacle of 2009, Narendra Modi can stay after Godhra, Manmohan Singh can stay after Adarsh, CWG, 2G etc, why punish poor Yeddy for much littler crimes?

Q: What does the future hold for Karnataka?
A: Not good I’m afraid. The poor electorate of Karnataka is totally confused. Was Congressman Dharam Singh the worst CM ever? Was JD(S) HD Kumaraswamy any good? Is BJP BSY the most corrupt? Is the Congress at the Centre totally destroying the state? Such questions usually lead to hung assemblies and general all-round instability.

© Sunil Rajguru

Some typical Indianisms…

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Voluntary Disclosure Income Scheme: A means of gathering money from crooks, thereby pardoning them, thereby creating a pool of money for even more corrupt schemes which can thereby create more crooks those who can then go ahead and redeem themselves when the next round of VDIS comes.
(Ad infinitum)

Party President: Ask the Prime Minister…
Prime Minister: As the concerned minister…
Minister: Ask the concerned officials…
Officials: It’s not our fault, media sensationalizing it, conditions are…
Elsewhere, the Buck stops some where.
In India, the Buck always plays a merry merry-go-round.

A Philosopher’s Worry…
What if none of this is true?
What if it is all unreal?
What if it was already decided by some higher entity?
A Cricket Fan’s Worry…
What if none of this is true?
What if it is all unreal?
What if it was already fixed by some top bookie?

© Sunil Rajguru