Every day is a Sonday 7…

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∙ He says that his body clock is probably set according to a US time zone and not the Indian one.
That’s why he’s so hyperactive late in the night and lethargic in the classroom during the day!

∙ Nowadays when he’s done something bad, he demands that I shout at him in advance, so that he can tell me what wrong he’s done and why in peace without worrying about the consequences.

∙ Once he said, “Mujhe lobia ka gaana sun-na hai.”
(Lobia in Hindi=Black Eyed Peas in English)
(Or how Cool becomes Uncool)

∙ Once the menu for dinner was simple a dal-chawal.
He sighed and said, “Kya 1947 ka khaana khila rahe ho!”
When I asked him what he meant by that, he said, “I’m sure that when Mahatma Gandhi came home in that year, his wife must have fed him something like this.”

∙ Everything has to be said grandly.
Once he refused to do something because it was forbidden by his mother.
He declared, “It is against the Laws of Mamma!”

∙ “One of these days I’m going to hack into your website and go crazy there!”
Sigh, threats aren’t what they used to be!

© Sunil Rajguru

October 2011 Status Updates

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∙ Another way to review the movie…
Ra(ting)One(out of 10)
P.S. I’ve been One die-hard SRK fan for Two decades, so I think can rant a bit (much!).

(October 31)

∙ Sports Minister Maken was asked Rs 600 crore for an F1 entry ticket.
He refused and hence didn’t get an invite.
Good for him. Good for India.

∙ Toot-ta hua khabar: Sutra-Ek Bharatiya Vishaal Puruskar main Sabyasachi Vithal tez gaadi chala kar Pahala Khamba Sthaan le gaye hai. Gaadi ka naam Laal-Saand-Renault hai.

∙ Now if Mayawati and Lady Gaga come on the same stage, then that’s what I call true globalization!
Wah re F1!

∙ Wonder if inflation will ever touch Twitter and we’ll have 160-180 Characters.
(Or is it recession and 120?)
(Facebook Status Message has gone up to Unlimited from 420 Characters and LinkedIn is 500+ Characters)

(October 30)

∙ So after the English Goose got Cook(ed) throughout the tour,
They finally won on their Swann Song!

∙ Lagta hai G.One ka dot gir gaya hai.
Isi liye Ra.One Gone ho gaya hai!
(Via My Son)

∙ Stray dog to F1: I am more relevant to India than you!

(October 29)

∙ Kareena Kapoor completes her Khan Trilogy.
Aamir Khan, 3 Idiots, The Good.
Salman Khan, Bodyguard, The Bad.
& Shahrukh Khan, Ra.One, The Ugly.

∙ Just heard: SRK stole his statue from Madam Tussaud’s and used it for the second half of Ra.One.

∙ The Diggy Raja Empire has succeeded.
Na rahega Team, na bajega Anna.
(Aise bhi bechara Maun Vrat par hai)

(October 28)

∙ By Jove, Obama is on a roll! The US has finally sealed the WikiLeaks thanks to some excellent economic plumbing.

∙ Smear campaign worked
ABC of Corruption
A: Anna’s Team
B: BJP
C: Congress
A to Z of chances to fight corruption
From A-All-hopers to Z-Zero-hopers

(October 26)

∙ Gadaffi’s final Status Message…
“I am not dead. I am alive.
It’s the world that’s dead!”

∙ According to the Economist Democracy Index, the head of Saudi Arabia is a greater dictator than was the head of Libya.
Also close is the head of China.
Both are great friends of the US.
So much for the end of Dictators!
(Bonus: Best Friend Pakistan is always just one coup away from surpassing all of them.)

(October 21)

∙ Gen Kayani: US should think 10 times before attacking Pak.
US: Sure thing… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10… OK! Attack!

(October 19)

∙ “I would like to thank Mr Pathak for making me join the August company of Bush, Wen Jiabo, Musharraf, Zardari, Mubarak, DSK, Chidambaram, Manmohan, BSY, Advani, Kalmadi…
–Hon. Arvind Kejriwal, while accepting the High-Profile Shoe Target Award.

∙ Siri Siri Appy Shankar presents The Art of Virtual Living with a Timewaste Kriya that can be practiced 24X7.

(October 18)

∙ At first I thought we had a Steve Jobs Day in cyberspace.
Then I thought it would be a Jobs Week.
We are well into a Steve Jobs month now…
(‎2011-12: The United Nations Year of the Steve Jobs.)

∙ The medical council is seriously thinking of accepting Jail Fever as a genuine Indian disease.
Outlook: May reach epidemic status in the future.

∙ The Congress has lost its deposit at the Centre… Oh! Sorry, that was Hisar!

∙ Think Chidambaram should introduce a comprehensive Prison Reform Bill to secure his own future and that of his fellow politicians…

(October 17)

∙ A few days back on October 13, India witnessed the sixth anniversary of the RTI Act coming into force.
The UPA celebrated this event by resolving that the Act wouldn’t make it to the next anniversary in one piece.

(October 15)

∙ Mayawati is superior to other corrupt politicians.
Baaki neta log Rs 685 crore kha ke hajam karte hain aur dakaar bhi nahin sunai deti.
Yahan aap ek park aur memorial ka jab chahe maja loot sakte hai!

∙ Welcome to coalition politics Anna.
Keeping your allies together, handling spokespersons shooting off their mouths and intense media scrutiny.
Now you know how the UPA feels all the time.
Maybe now you two will work better together as you understand each other better!

∙ iDead seems to be more respected, talked about, raved and appreciated than iAlive…

∙ Corruption fight reality…
Sarkari Lokpal vs Team Anna Lokpal.
Janata gayi tel lene… (aur woh bhi mila nahin thanks to steep petrol price hike!)

∙ News: Manmohan wants to review RTI Act.
Analysis: Hamara har cheez galat ja raha hain, to jo sahi hain, hum usko bhi galat kar denge!

∙ Homeopathic treatment for corruption: Cure like with like.
BJP workers give cash to journos at anti-corruption Rath Yatra PC.
Fight corruption with corruption!

Rahul Gandhi rode on bike of criminal.
Pretty much sums up the Congress leadership.
They’re all clean, but driven by criminals.

∙ Bill Gates is alive.
Steve Jobs is dead.
But what will happen to Jobs Bill?

(October 14)

∙ Stay hungry? Stay foolish?
Doesn’t that already describe the world we live in?
Millions of starving people led by thousands of foolish leaders…

(October 13)

∙ Word of the day…
Mutual: having the same relation each toward the other.
Facebook fact of the day…
My personal record for number of “Mutual Friends” without ever having heard of (let alone met) a particular person: 143.

(October 12)

∙ …suffering from mental indigestion with the excess Apple-Jobs eulogies… need to go on a news Apple-free diet… I’m a huge fan myself, but near-divine status (& status updates) is all quite baffling…

(October 11)

∙ Dear Politicians,
Parliament is not Supreme. The Constitution is.
Parliament is not Sovereign. The People are.
Everyone respects Parliament.
Wish one could say the same for our Parliamentarians!

(October 9)

∙ The more I see my News Feed, the more I am convinced that the collective wisdom of the Facebook Status Messages is greater than the collective wisdom of humanity…

(October 7)

∙ Bigg Boss 5 should be called Big Behenji or Big Amma.
Even Shakti signifies the feminine power.
So 13 + 1 Shaktis?

(October 3)

© Sunil Rajguru

Enjoy your movie and tell the whole world to SOD off!

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There is no such thing as a good movie or a bad movie.

Every movie is unreal and basically a lie trying to sell itself to every member of the audience.

It all boils down to Suspension of disbelief (SOD).

When this phrase was first used for books, the onus was on the reader and not the writer to achieve SODhood.

That’s the same thing with movies.

The viewer can either choose to happily believe what he sees (=SOD) or go on with his utter disbelief  (=absence of SOD).

If a viewer achieves SODhood, then he even delights in the little things.

If he doesn’t achieve SODhood, then even a brilliant piece of cinematic work will look ridiculous.

That’s why a movie that is considered “greatest ever” by a critic is considered utter trash by millions of viewers.

And vice versa!

Even the worst of movies will end up finding a small fan following.

Even the best of movies will find some fierce critics.

There are many important ingredients of movie making.

But the most important ingredient of movie watching is simply SOD!

SOD is in your head and no-one really knows when, why and how the SOD factor will kick in—or not!

But it’s the difference between a SODingly good movie and one which makes absolutely no SODing sense.

So basically if you enjoy a movie, just enjoy it and tell the whole world to SOD off!

© Sunil Rajguru

Why only PJ? Why not BR32PDJ?

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Tired of “Good Joke” and “Poor Joke” being just about the only ways to classify jokes, The Indian Institute of Social Welfare for Jokes has decided to introduce a brand new classification scheme.

When you listen to a joke, weigh in your mind how good or bad it is and classify accordingly…

FBCJ: Forbes Billionaire Class Joke.

RJ: Rich Joke.

MCJ: Middle Class Joke.

PJ: Poor Joke.

RPJ: Really Poor Joke.

BPLJ: Below Poverty Line Joke.

DCJ: Destitute Class Joke.

And finally, the absolute worst of all jokes…

BR32PDJ: Below Rs 32 Per Day Joke.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Oh Lord! We are thankful for…

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OK, the Congress Government is under a lot of flak and everything seems to be going totally wrong.

However, it has still given us many things to be thankful for…

(Don’t they tell us to count our blessings?)

Dear Sonia Gandhi,
Thank you for not becoming Prime Minister in 2004, a move that would have turned the country’s top post into a 24X7 tamasha by your belligerent detractors.
Thanks for engaging Civil Society in the decision making process even though, like RTI, it has turned totally against you in the end.

Dear Manmohan Singh,
Thank you for being an honest and clean head of state in this cesspool of corruption, even though you couldn’t do anything about it, or maybe you have, merely by letting it out in the open.
Thanks for never ever have used bad, unparliamentary or abusive language, like many other so called great politicians and for always conducting yourself with dignity and grace.
Thanks for your concern over nuclear energy.
Who knows, it may yet become India’s best idea in 20-30 years!

Dear Kapil Sibal,
Thank you for getting those pesky telecallers off my back!
Thank you for at least trying for a badly needed major educational reform in this country.
If you were a little less arrogant, then people might actually notice your many achievements.

Dear Jairam Ramesh,
Thanks for scuttling a lot of schemes that would have otherwise destroyed the environment and at least trying sincerely for much needed land reforms in the country.

Dear Ajay Maken,
Thank you for taking on rich powers like the BCCI and not giving tax rebates to even richer sports like F1.

Dear Mani Shankar Aiyar,
Thank you for being the biggest critic of your own government.

Dear Digvijay Singh,
Thank you for providing so much fodder to cartoonists and humour writers.
Without you, India would be a much less interesting place than it is now.

Dear Rahul Gandhi,
Thank you for not becoming Prime Minister… yet. You will definitely get that post one day, it is your birth right, but you haven’t earned it… yet.

Dear Congress,
Thank you for giving this country political stability in the last seven years despite having just 27% seats in the Lok Sabha from 2004-09 and 38% thereafter.

Yours Gratefully,
Sunil Rajguru

Chaos and the Bellary Butterfly Effect

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Timeline: 2004 to 2011

Voters to BJP: Thanks for everything, but your services are no longer required.

BJP to RSS: Thanks for everything, but your services are no longer required.

RSS to Advani: Thanks for everything, but your services are no longer required.

Advani to Yeddy: Thanks for everything, but your services are no longer required.

Yeddy to Reddys: Thanks for everything, but your services are no longer required.

Reddys to Bellary: Thanks for everything, but your services are no longer required.

Bellary to Itself: Kyunki mining services bache hi nahin hai. Maine kisi ka kya bigaada re, ki main aisa ujad gaya! Sab ke jebe bhar bhar ke main khud kangaal ho gaya hu!

How green was my valley!

The Butterfly Effect: The flapping of a butterfly’s wings in Mexico can unleash a tornado in the US.

The Bellary Butterfly Effect: The flapping of ballot papers in Delhi can unleash an environmental and economic tornado in Bellary.

This version by Sunil Rajguru