Anna-UPA musings…

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How to make India a clean country…

Step 1: Take the highly complex issue of Corruption and isolate it.

Step 2: Put it in a box called Lokpal and lock it, throwing away the keys.

Step 3: Throw the box in the Anna River.

Step 4: Stand by the banks and pray…

∙ This whole Anna Hazare saga and his fight with the government is fast resembling a Harry Potter-Voldemort fight. Here’s reworking the original prophesy…

“The one with the power to vanquish the UPA approaches… born to a movement which has been thrice defied by the Centre… and the UPA will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the UPA knows not … and either must fall at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives…”

2012 Outlook: Either the government will fall or Anna will totally fail and be consigned to the shadows.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

C for Cyberspace, but C for Censorship?

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(The world’s largest democracy wants to regulate the world’s largest democratic medium…)

Kapil Sibal sahab: Whether it’s someone like you or someone like me,
Whether it’s grand Madam Sonia or the beleaguered Narendra Modi,

Whether you’re a bigot or trying to make your point pretty fairly,
Whether you’re pretty famous or just a piece of anonymity,

Once you get into cyberspace and make any opinion “simply”,
Get ready to be attacked and get it from all sides equally,

If a newspaper becomes trash the next day, in cyberspace it’s gone in an hour,
(Unless you keep digging it out of the grave over some perverse sense of honour),

Just take the criticism and move on, the Net won’t cut you any slack,
Otherwise just get out of cyberspace and don’t look back.

© Sunil Rajguru

Lokpal? Please simply laugh out loud…

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In LOKPAL, the K stands for Kiran Bedi, the P stands for Prashant Bhushan and the A stands for Anna Hazare.

Now you’ll ask, what about the letters that are left.

What are the letters that are left?

L… O… L…

LOL!

So you really think that a strong Lokpal Bill will be passed?

LOL!

© Sunil Rajguru

UPA2 preparing for UPA3…

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Many successful schemes in UPA1 led to the reality that is UPA2.

Now UPA2 is going all out to ensure there will be a UPA3.

Some of the schemes on the anvil…

NREGA2: After the Mahatma Gandhi NREGA, now we will soon have the Rahul Gandhi NREGA or Net Regulation Employment Guarantee Act where millions of unemployed urban youth will be hired to pre-screen millions of Facebook, Twitter and Orkut accounts along with tens of thousands of prominent websites and blog.

RTI2: The RTI Act Part 2 will cover the politicians’ Right to Information related to our online accounts, logins, passwords, identities etc. Now the Internet companies will simply have to provide whatever Information that the politicians feel they have a Right to.

New States Re-organisation Bill: The UPA will come out with a bill to divide India into 50 states to pre-empt moves like Telangana, Vidarbha and the splitting UP. It will also go well with the party’s “Divide and Rule” policy.

4G: To bring in much-needed extra revenue for the government’s coffers. A Raja is likely to make a spectacular comeback.

Cyber Communal Violence Bill: The Communal Violence Bill will be modified for cyberspace and instead of State governments, the Centre will be able to dismiss Internet companies that don’t co-operate with it.

© Sunil Rajguru

Grand achievements of the Union Cabinet of Ministers…

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Manmohan Singh: I nearly Nuked the government once and almost did it again with the Foreign (DI) Hand.

P Chidambaram: I converted the Ministry into “Home” operations for the party.

Pranab Mukherjee: I brought about tremendous Financial growth in inflation and hikes.

Kapil Sibal: I mastered Miscommunication and Misinformation and turned politics into a “legal” Technology.

A Raja: I converted Telecom into Telecon and pulled Rs 1.76 lakh crore magically out of thin air (spectrum).

Abhishek Manu Singhvi: I single-handedly converted the Lokpal into a Netapal.

Praful Patel: I laid the seeds of Aviation becoming less Civil.

S Jaipal Reddy: Thanks to me, Petroleum is full of Gas.

Ambika Soni: I Broadcast Misinformation.

MK Azhagiri: I Fertilized the DMK.

Suresh Kalmadi: I showed how any Common Wealth could be turned into a financial Game for any politician.

Sharad Pawar: I made sure that all political Food was Consumed by the UPA and facilitated for political and private (non-Public) Distribution.

© Sunil Rajguru

The Theory of Lokpal Relativity…

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Classic Saying: Delhi door hai.
Anna Saying: Delhi paas hai.

Congress: Lokpal paas hai.
Anna: Lokpal door hai.

Congress: Bhrashtachar door hai.
Anna: Bhrashtachar (tumhare) paas hai.

Congress: RSS (tumhare) paas hai.
Anna: RSS door hai.

Anna: Hamare paas Lok taqat hai.
Congress: Tumse door Lok Sabha hai.

Anna: Aam aadmi (tumhare) paas nahin hai.
Congress: Aam chunav door hai.

© Sunil Rajguru