UPA misrule musings…

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· Italian absconders. Lankan Tamils. Pakistani infiltrators. Chinese hackers. Bangladeshi immigrants. Swiss banks. American business…
The sum of India’s foreign policy right now.

· TMC, DMK pull the plug.
Don’t worry.
SP-BSP battery hai na!

· SP-BSP vs Congress.
Masters in UP.
Servants at the Centre.

· Even a Lame Duck looks dynamic compared to the current UPA government, which is totally crippled.

· If there was such a thing as a lame duck Opposition, then the BJP is it.

· US had 9/11, where the Twin Towers were destroyed.
India had 2011, where the Twin Towers of Governance and Stability were destroyed.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Aussie Mohali 3-0 musings…

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· Dhawan: I replaced Sehwag.
Vijay: I displaced Gambhir.
Pujara: I’m the New Wall.
Kohli: I filled Dada’s void.
Dhoni: I’m in Laxman’s position.
Rahane (Looking at Sachin): Sigh! Mera number kab aayega?

· Mickey Arthur: What’s my homework?
Cricket Australia: Go home and get some other work. We need a new coach.

· Sound of Music: I am 16, going on 17…
Sound of Cricketing Music: We are 3-0, going on 4-0…

· And in other news, the ODI World Champions win their (almost) T20 match at Mohali.

· The Last Minute should be renamed as The Dhoni Minute.

· At this rate, all the Aussie bowlers will now refuse to do their homework in the hope of getting out of the Fourth Test.

· 1984: Mooche ho toh Nathulal jaisi ho warna naa ho.
2013: Mooche ho toh Shikhar Dhawan jaisi ho warna naa ho.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Katju musings…

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· I think it should be mandatory for the Chairman of the Press Council of India to have a degree in journalism.

· Sweet Dish: Kaju Katli.
Journo’s favourite sweet dish: Katju Kat-le.

· Media houses have a journalistic license.
Most journalists have a journalism degree/diploma.
Justice Katju, sadly, has neither.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When the Italian Marines fled India…

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· Khurshid to Marines: Tum Italy jaoge to sahi, magar waapis kaise aaoge?
Marines to Italian Government: I think he doesn’t want us to return!

· US: Americans first. Italy: Italians first…
Indian Government: Err… since all the first places have been taken, we guess it’s Indians Last.

· Consequence=Merely an effect.
Doing nothing can be a consequence.
Sleeping can be a consequence.
Manmohan: Consequences if Italian Marines are not sent.

· Dear Manmohan,
“Unacceptable” is something you don’t accept, not something you say after accepting it.

· Not Khurshid’s fault. When Marines left, he told Italian Government…
“Woh jaayein Italy, woh aayein Italy, lekin laut kar bhi aayein Italy se!”

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

We sack cricketers for not doing their homework…

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· Yet another profession ruined by PowerPoint.
(4 Aussie cricketers sacked for not submitting report)

· Arthur takes the mickey out of the Aussie cricket players.

· CA: We believe each player should list 3 ways in which their individual performance can be improved. What about you?
BCCI: We just believe in just 3 letters!
CA: Eh?
BCCI: I-P-L. They add value to our coffers. (P.S. We still have the WC till 2015)

· Who is coaching Cricket Australia?
A. Mickey Arthur?
B. Mickey Mouse?
C. King Arthur?

· Arthur takes the mickey out of the Aussie cricket players.

· Pattinson: Here mate, take 8 wickets for the first 2 Tests.
Clarke: Thanks mate! Wickets are pure gold here!
Arthur: Hey where’s my report!
Pattinson: But I’m not a reporter!
Arthur: You’re Out!
Clarke: How did he get out?
Pattinson: I’m Stumped!

© Sunil Rajguru