Indian soldier hai na!

For citizens…
War? Indian soldier hai na!
Insurgency? Indian soldier hai na!
Earthquake? Indian soldier hai na!
Counter-terrorism? Indian soldier hai na!
Flood? Indian soldier hai na!
Any type of dirty work? Indian soldier hai na!

For politicians…
Punching bag? Indian soldier hai na!
Scapegoat? Indian soldier hai na!
Pak-appeasement? Indian soldier hai na!
Arre baba Indian soldier ko kabhi to defend karo!—Nahi na!

India’s motto…
The Indian soldier will always defend citizen, but the Indian politician will never defend him.

© Sunil Rajguru

The poverty of Pappu 2…

Nehru: We will end poverty and ignorance.
Pappu: Poverty is a state of mind and ignorance is bliss.

Descartes’ mantra to humanity…
I think therefore I am.
Pappu’s mantra to the poor…
I think I am rich therefore I am.

I think the time has come for someone to write the ultimate Indian joke book: Thus Spake Pappu or PappuShastra or ‪#‎PappuNama‬…

The thin line between Confidence and No Confidence has just been renamed the Poverty Line.
‪#‎PappuBoltaHai‬

The “poor” have been officially redesignated as simply those who “lack confidence” and thereby the Congress has finally achieved its goal of 100% poverty eradication in India.
‪#‎GareebiHatGayi‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Indo-Pak musings…

Maybe the people spotted near the border were wearing Pakistani uniforms Made in China.

Next solution?
“Some unknown people wearing Chinese uniforms are being spotted regularly near the Indo-China border.”

Pakistan PM: Sorry sir, but I am not in control of my country.
Indian PM: Don’t worry. Neither am I.
‪#‎TheekHai‬

Aman Ki Asha is losing to Jung Ki Khwaaish.
(Maybe it’s always been like that since 1947)

Johnnie Walker…
Keep Walking.
The entire sum of the Indo-Pak peace process…
Keep Talking.
(While the results always go for a long walk)

Q: Since the public opinion is against talks with Pakistan, don’t you…
Congress: Public opinion? Woh kya hota hai?

Pakistan’s actions are unacceptable!
(Arre babu! Accept karke unacceptable bolne se kya fayada hai bhala?)

Sometime back on the phone…
Manmohan Singh: What should we discuss in the US?
Nawaz Sharif: Don’t worry! I will give you something to talk about.

On August 13, 1947, they were 40 million Indians.
On August 14, 1947, they suddenly became 40 million Pakistanis who virulently hated Indians.
Do you really expect sanity and peace to come out of this absurdity?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Political musings of the day…

Politicians: Servants of the People.
Government officials: Servants of the servants of the People.
Aam Aadmi: Servants of the servants of the servants of the People.
Note: Who are these mysterious “People” that the Constitution keeps talking about?

Dear Congress,
In the 1970s, the Opposition took to strikes, extreme violence and even bombs.
Aren’t peaceful protests and Internet Humour much better than that?

Congress slogans…
1970s: Gareebi Hatao.
Post-Food Bill: Gareebi Hat Gayi.
Now all the focus can be on: Modi Hatao.

Q: Why’re you issuing Clean Chits to everyone including even Pakistan?
A: Hehe. Sorry. We’ve used up all our Guilty Chits on Modi and have none left!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The wish that came true…

Sometime in the past…
Young Indian citizen: Oh God! I’m tired of these illiterate, uneducated, crooked politicians who have no understanding of the economy ruling the country. Give an educated and understanding outsider for a change!

God: Tathastu!
Let me prepare someone… Rank holder… Oxford… Cambridge… PhD… United Nations… Planning Commission… RBI… economic whiz… honest… clean… sincere… There that should do it!

Sometime now…
Old Indian Citizen: Hey bhagwaan! Ye kis gadhe ko bhej diya hum pe raaj karne!

<Divine facepalm>

Moral: Be careful what you wish for. You might just get it!

© Sunil Rajguru

The 12 Fundamental Rights of Indian politicians…

1. Right to disrupt Parliament.

2. Right to bunk Parliament.

3. Right to be in Parliament despite being chargsheeted.

4. Right to rule even from jail.

5. Right to conflict of interests.

6. Right to nepotism.

7. Right to scams.

8. Right to arrogance.

9. Right to speaking total bakwaas 24X7.

10. Right to rule bureaucracy like royalty.

11. Right to totally forget the electorate between elections.

12. Right to Information.*
(*Right to “get” any information and not to “give” it)

© Sunil Rajguru