Pricey onions and other woes…

Posted on by
Reply

onions-1397037_640Pyaz rulayega, tel aag lagayega, rupaiyya gir jayegaa, food bill economy ko khaayega, koyala dhan ko kala karayega, 2G jee jee karke marega…

Ek din Rupee, petrol, onion… sab ek saath century maarenge aur India all out ho jaayega.

Maybe he should now be promoted to…
Onion Man in a Banana Republic.
‪#‎RobertVadra‬

Work from home.
‪#‎Petrol‬
Eat Jain diet.
‪#‎Onion‬
Invest in Dollars.
‪#‎Rupee‬
Stop following news.
‪#‎Scams‬

Coming soon:
Onion Shanti Onion with the dialogue…
Ek chutki pyaaz ki keemat tum kya jaano!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

UPA hurtles from one disaster to another…

Posted on by
Reply

10 ways to counter Pakistan…
1. Denial.
2. Bluster.
3. Confusion.
4. Summon envoy.
5. Parliament Resolution.
6. Cricket ban.
7. Petition US.
8. Talk about talks.
9. Hope.
10. Forget.

They say…
1. Anna is anarchy.
2. Social media is anarchy.
3. Rajya Sabha is anarchy.
But…
It feels like there’s no Government at the Centre.
That’s anarchy.

I shudder what will happen when Pappu reads Descartes.
The poor man will just have to say…
I think I am rich therefore I am.

This government is like a cancer to the nation without a sense of humour.
In fact, it has a sense of tumour.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

More general political musings of the day…

Posted on by
Reply

Pakistan Army men a.k.a. men in Pakistan Army uniforms.
a.k.a. = also known as.
(That AKA is also AK Antony is purely coincidental)

All members of the Congress are born with a clean chit in their mouth.

Every Pakistani leader dreams of a Plot that will win Kashmir.
Every Indian leader dreams of a Talk that will win the Nobel Peace Prize over Kashmir.
Result: No-one wins.

Millions of bullets.
Thousands of deaths.
Hundreds of failed talks.
Dozens of inept leaders.
Two pissed off N-powers.
1 disputed territory.
Zero solutions.

Dear Congress,
If BJP is rated 4/10 in cyberspace, then they can probably double it to 8 with sustained effort.
You are at -1 and hence eNREGA will probably double it to -2.

Congress’ most dangerous enemies…
First: Pappu’s speech writer.
Second: Diggy Raja.
Third: Modi.
No consolation prize to: BJP.

Difference between Congress and BJP…
Man writes Sonia biography thousands of kilometres away.
Congress goes ballistic and bans it.
Man insults Modi right next to Shivraj
Shivraj keeps quiet and buzzes off.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

NaMo Hyderabad rally musings…

Posted on by
Reply

Hyderabad: Pay Rs 5 for a Modi Express speech and be left speechless.
Rest of India: Pay Rs 500 for Chennai Express and be left brainless.

Modi: Yes we can!
Congressman to Pappu for the umpteenth time: Sir please become our PM candidate and attack Modi head on!
Pappu: No I can’t!

Congress Stage 4 Rocket to attack Modi speeches…
Stage 1: Pata nahin kya bolega aaj!
Stage 2: Sigh! Kitna accha bolta hai ye re!
Stage 3: Huddle. Huddle. Huddle Kuch nahin mila aaj bhi!
Stage 4: Chhodo. Just attack him strongly randomly as usual!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Musings on Manmohan Singh the great economist…

Posted on by
Reply

Cash for votes scam and Nuclear Deal came together.
Instead of nuclear energy being kick started, it was the scams that went critical and became a chain reaction to blow up the economy.

What are the chances?
1991: Manmohan lays the foundation stone for India’s new economy.
2014: Same person lays its tombstone.

Once Oxbridge used to build nations, today they destroy them.
‪#‎MMS‬ ‪#‎Pappu‬ ‪#‎Khurshid‬ ‪#‎Mani‬
Once Harvard alumni used to build the economy, today they destroy it.
‪#‎Bush‬ ‪#‎Chidu‬ ‪#‎ZeroLossSibal‬

Manmohan…
The only man to have given 1300 official speeches and still said nothing.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Indian border/LoC musings…

Posted on by
Reply

Sad ugly truth…
China: Our soldiers don’t require visa to enter India.
Pakistan: Our soldiers don’t need to enter India. We fire from our positions and the Indian government does nothing.

What is common to Batman, Superman and Indo-Pak peace?
A: They are all fictional characters.
Tragedy is our leaders still believe in it as soldiers keep dying non-stop.

Pak leaders’ gifts…
Liaquat: 1948 Kashmir war.
Ayub: 1965 war.
Yahya: 1971 war.
Zia: Siachen conflict.
Benazir: Kashmir militancy.
Sharif: Kargil.
Sharif is back! Arre kamse kam koi usko return gift to de do!

Antony on KBC…
Antony: People in Pak Army uniform did it.
KBC: LoC kiya jaaye?
AKA: Errr… let me change my answer… Pak Army did it.
KBC: Full marks to you! Now we move on to the next question. What are you going to do about it?

We are an army of tigers led by wolves in lambs’ clothing.
(Summing up the soldier-politician relationship)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru