The tragedy that is Lalu…

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#JungleRaj returned to Bihar on November 8, 2015.
The media merely brought this to notice in a big way on May 6, 2017.
#BiharKaCMShahabuddin

Nitish rules himself out as Prime Minister.
By the time Lalu is done with him, Nitish will rule himself out as Chief Minister too.

Lalu was voted to power in 1990, 1995, 2000 & 2015.
His family may be voted many times in the future.
Gone case. Kucch nahin ho sakta.

Lalu.
Arrested in 1997.
Convicted in 2013.
Still having a jolly good time in 2017.
Still immensely respected by many.

Lalu proved to be India’s worst politician the year he took over in 1990.
Since then he grew worse every year but adored more every year by #AdarshLiberals.

Lalu ke chele chaara khaate hai.
Choohe daaru peete hai.
#AdarshLiberals mewa khaate hai.
Aam janta galat vote ke silsile main gam khaate hai roz.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

The EVM controversy rages on…

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The entire EVM controversy, arguments and proofs can be summed up in six words…
We lost.
EVMs can be hacked.

How do we beat Modi?
Opposition: We can’t, so let’s rake one useless issue after another, pray and hope for the best.
#EVMs

2004—Congress won when BJP was in charge.
2014—BJP won when Congress was in charge.
2015—BJP lost Delhi/Bihar.
2017—Largest party in 2/5 States.
#EVMs

EVMs first used in State elections in 1998.
Almost Bees Saal Baad suddenly saare parties jaag gaye.

Modi: Make in India.
Pappu: Make (holiday) outside India.
Modi: Go digital.
Pappu: Go paper.
#EC #EVMs

If you go by circumstantial evidence…
AAP getting 67/70 seats in Delhi is the fishiest thing that has ever happened in Indian polls.
#EVMs

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Prohibition musings…

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crate-895939_640Prohibition is not the banning of alcohol.
It is merely the switching of superior legal alcohol with inferior illegal alcohol.

Hat-trick!
Morarji brought prohibition to Gujarat.
Nitish brought prohibition to Bihar.
Supreme Court brought prohibition to highways.

You can still drink and come to the highway.
Carry drinks in your vehicle.
Take a 500+ meter detour and get drinks.
Bootlegging?

A new generation of bars and restaurants 550 metres away from the highways with easy access lanes might start mushrooming in India soon.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

April 2017 Status Updates

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facebook-715811_640Since we are Hindus, RIP means…
Reincarnate In Peace.

(April 28)

Among politicians there was a time when no-one wanted to even touch the BJP.
Today everyone wants to join it.

Road Romeo was taken from Romeo & Juliet.
Eve-teaser was taken from Adam & Eve.
Road Romeo and Eve-teaser are virtually synonyms.
There’s no Adam & Juliet.

(April 3)

If aliens attack us on April 1, then there will be no counter-attack as nobody would believe it in the first place.

Fortune favours the brave.
Fortune favours fools.
But fortune doesn’t favour fools who get too bold by half.
#Pappu

1947-64: Daughter of Prime Minister.
1964-66: Cabinet Minister.
1966-77: Prime Minister.
1977-80: Leader of Opposition.
1980-84: Prime Minister.
Indira Gandhi. 37 years of pure power.

(April 1)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

To rule India, the chances are greater if you don’t have a spouse…

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For a whopping 56/70 years, or 80% of the time, the direct or de facto ruler of India has been spouseless…

Rulers without a spouse…

Jawaharlal Nehru, widower: 1947-64.

Indira Gandhi, widow: 1966-77, 80-84.

PV Narasimha Rao, widower: 1991-96.

AB Vajpayee, bachelor: 1998-2004.

Sonia Gandhi, widow: 2004-14.

Narendra Modi, single: 2014-__.

(So Pappu has a good chance of getting elected in 2024 or 2029 if he doesn’t get married by then.)

Other high profile single politicians post-2000…

Late President APJ Abdul Kalam.

Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Yogi Adityanath.

West Bengal Chief Minister Mamata Banerjee.

Orissa Chief Minister Naveen Patnaik.

Late Tamil Nadu Chief Minister Jayalalitha.

Haryana Chief Minister Manohar Lal Khattar.

Uttarakhand Chief Minister Trivendra Singh Rawat.

Assam Chief Minister Sarbananda Sonowal.

Ex Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Mayawati.

Water Minister Ex Madhya Pradesh Chief Minister Uma Bharati.

Goa Chief Minister and ex-Defence Minister Manohar Parrikar is a widower.

Bihar Chief Minister Nitish Kumar is a widower.

Rajasthan Chief Minister Vasundhara Raje is a divorcee.

And they can’t stop the Modi juggernaut…

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Red is dead.
Saffron is on.

Before 2014, nationwide Congress always had more MLAs than BJP.
Now Congress has close to 800 and BJP 1400 odd.

100 days before a poll: Modi haarega haarega!
50 days: haarega!
10 days: haarega!
1 day: haarega!
D-Day: Arre jeet gaya! Chalo next time…

Big 3 of World Tennis.
Fed. Rafa. Djoko.
Big 3 of Indian politics.
Nehru. Indira. Modi.

Bihar had the Mahagatbandhan.
Retrospectively the UP Pappu + Akhilesh alliance can be called the Mahagadbad.

Anna is threatening another agitation, against Modi.
Means he’s opening another political training course for Kejri ka sequel.

2011. All politicians are corrupt—Kejri.
2017. Kejri is corrupt—All politicians.

Does anyone remember that 6 years back the nation came to a standstill, an old man fasted, a new party was born over Lokpal?
Where’s the Lokpal?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru