Congress: Dare to think beyond the Dynasty?
BJP: Dare to think beyond Modi?
Diggy Raja: Dare to think beyond RSS?
BCCI: Dare to think beyond Dhoni?
Tata: Dare to think beyond a Tata?
Bansal: Dare to think beyond Raebareli?
BSP/SP: Dare to think beyond your Votebank?
For a dose of his own medicine…
Dare to think beyond Section 66A?
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
If you kill 1 person, you’ll be branded a murderer and hanged.
If you kill 10-100 people, then you’ll become a celebrated serial killer, get loads of media coverage and may even have a film made about your life.
If you kill thousands of people, you’re probably a soldier and you’ll be decorated with many many medals.
If you kill millions of people, then you’re probably someone like Hitler, Stalin or Mao. You’ll enter history’s celebrity list and every child will know your name for hundreds of years to come.
If you kill billions of living things every year, some of them for no rhyme or reason, then you’re probably the precious civilized human race. As a reward, you get to inherit the Earth, which is yours to totally screw up.
© Sunil Rajguru
Political news… Politicians feel women are painted and demented and are usually asking for it and should probably get married at the age of 16 and stay in the house all their lives.
Rural news… Khaps don’t want women to use mobiles and chowmein are more responsible for crimes against women than men.
Crime news… Police ask women not to go out at night and not to wear revealing clothes to keep safe.
International news… Taliban still don’t want girls to go to school and show no remorse over the shooting of Malala.
Entertainment news… Girls simply can’t rock in Kashmir.
Sports news… BCCI kicks out World Cup women’s games from Wankhede to accommodate Ranji boys.
Religious news… Hardliners from all religions continue rubbishing women.
© Sunil Rajguru
∙ The world ended yesterday.
Today you are in the Matrix, an exact copy of our original world.
Now you are merely energy for computers.
Wait for Morpheus to contact you.
∙ The Mayan Long Count Calendar ended yesterday.
The next Long Count Calendar will end in 4772.
So you now suddenly have 2760 more years to make your life more meaningful!
∙ Your perfect world ended on a date much before Dec 21, 2012.
That’s when you came to Earth.
∙ There’s little chance that this world will come to an end any time soon.
Humanity may, though not the Earth.
If that happened, then the universe wouldn’t even notice.
∙ The world did end yesterday… for about 150,000 people… that many people die every day…
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
∙ There’s some vague principle that says the universe exists because we’re there to observe it.
So if the world ends today and we’re the only life forms in the universe, then the universe will simply cease to exist because we’re not around to observe it any more.
∙ If the world is really coming to an end, then most people will pray for just enough time to update their last status message.
∙ If the world ends today, then Sachin would never have retired, the Congress would have never lost power, the global warming dudes were shouting for nothing and hell will burst at the seams.
∙ For many Indians, the world will end in 2014 if Modi becomes PM.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Q: How many Congressmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. Sonia to give the order. Manmohan to stand around to watch and do nothing. Finally Shinde to tell them that it doesn’t make a damned difference as there’s a blackout.
Q: How many Rajnikanths does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. At his very mention, the old bulb repairs itself and starts working.
Q: How many UPA government men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Dozens. First they’ll set up a committee to look into the matter. Then that’ll become a standing committee and be sent to Parliament. Then a probe will be set up to look into the delay. Finally, the light bulb will not be changed due to pressure from allies.
Q: How many Congressmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one if it happens to be Diggy Raja. He’ll declare the light bulb changed and expect you to believe it. If you point out to him that the bulb hasn’t changed, then he’ll call it a RSS conspiracy. If it happens to be Kapil Sibal, then he’ll declare the fused bulb a Zero Energy Loss bulb and simply move on.
Q: How many BJP men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 5. 10. 15. Take your pick. They are too busy pulling each other down ensuring that nobody will end up changing the bulb.
Q: How many Team Anna men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It actually depends on how many media men are present to cover the bulb changing event.
Q: How many Indian Leftists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: First it will have to be ascertained whether the bulb was manufactured as a result of any FDI. Second it will have to be checked whether the bulb was powered by nuclear power. Finally it has to be ascertained whether people are on strike that day.
Q: How many BCCI men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If there’s money involved then plenty, otherwise none.
Q: How many secularists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The only change they all want is a change in chief ministership in Gujarat to solve all the problems of India.
Q: How many Indian radical activists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They’ll just smash the old light bulb and get TV channels to cover it.
Q: How many Nirmal Baba supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Agar Nirmal Baba ki kripa hai to apne aap ho jaayega, aur nahin hain to hazaron bhi light bulb change nahin kar payenge.
Q: How many journalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As long as the old fused light bulb gives plenty of stories, they will ensure that the bulb doesn’t get changed.
Q: How many Bollywood writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Plenty. They have to study the way a light bulb is changed in Hollywood and many other parts of the world and then they’ll adopt that to Indian conditions.
Q: How many Indian citizens does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They are all used to darkness.
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They’ll just turn that into an election promise that is never kept.
Q: How many Obama supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Well that really depends if a change of light bulb is a change that you believe in.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru