Globalization of cricket…
When a bunch of Indians fail in England, Australia, South Africa and New Zealand, sack those who are from Zimbabwe and Australia.
#Fletcher #Dawes #Penney
Ravi “Interim” Shastri…
1987/88/91: Interim ODI Captain.
1988: Interim Test Captain.
2007: Interim Manager/Coach.
2014: Interim Director.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
(Ref: Fifth India-England Test.)
In 2011, the English coach showed his cricket team Lagaan.
He is still getting his ROI over that masterstroke to this very day.
2011: 0-4.
Ab tumhe teeguna lagaan dena padega.
2012: 1-2.
Ab tumhe paanch guna lagaan dena padega.
2014: 1-3.
Ab… abbe tumne hame bankrupt kar diya teen-teen din main match khatam kar ke. Kam ticket sales aur ads se barbaad ho gaye hum! Ab dus guna lagaan dene ka bhi koi faayada nahin hai!
The next angry birds game will feature Indian batsmen as the targets and become popular among cricket fans.
Critic: What kind of a game is Test cricket? You don’t get a result in 5 days?
Indian fan: Oh, we are masters. We can get a result in 3 days flat.
The Indian batsmen’s favourite nursery rhyme is…
Ring a Ring o’ Roses.
They especially love the part…
Atishoo, atishoo, we all fall down!
Team India seniors get Rs 5 lakh per Test, or Rs 1 lakh a day.
By losing in 3 days, they’re getting Rs 1.67 lakh a day.
Boora khelo, jyaada paisa kamao!!!
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
How the Indian cricket team celebrated Independence Day…
The 11 batsmen scored the following amount of runs…
18-0-4-6-0-82-5-13-5-1-7.
If you rearrange the above numbers, then you get…
15-08-2014. 68. 1,3,5,7…..
15-08-2014 stands for 15th August 2014, the Independence Day on which they scored these runs.
68 stands for India’s 68th Independence Day.
The progressive sequence 1,3,5,7… stands for the resolve on this day to keep doing better from now on.
Ref: Fifth India-England Test at the Kensington Oval.
#IndVsEng #Oval
© Sunil Rajguru
(Ref: Fifth India-England Test.)
India’s last 3 Test innings, runs scored by…
All batsmen = 117.
All bowlers = 141.
Dhoni = 180.
Team India is the new brand ambassador for Rupa.
With so many rest days after early Test results they’ll say…
Ye aaraam ka maamla hai!
Indian Test batsmen looking at the red cricket ball and singing…
Ye laal rang kab mujhe chhodega…
Dhoni’s autobiography will be…
Last Man Standing.
First in ODIs, now in Tests too.
Tests then…
Aaj Sachin century maarega kya?
Now…
Aaj India century maarega kya?
August 15, 1947: Indians get Independence from the English.
August 15, 2014: Indian batsmen get quick Independence from English bowlers.
Finish the Tests in 3 days, destroy the ECB economy and relax for 2 days.
Smart strategy!
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Ref: Fourth India-England Test at Old Trafford.
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust,
If Andy won’t get you, Broad must,
If Broad’s nose has gone bust,
Then in Moeen you can trust.
What do you think of the collapse?
Pappu: It is just a state of mind.
But what is the solution?
Pappu: The batsmen have to be empowered.
If England played with 10 bowlers we’d still be unable to get them all out.
If India played with 10 bowlers, we’d still make the same amount of runs.
Old…
Tigers at home, lambs abroad.
New…
Tigers at home, ducks abroad.
Fletcher before…
Don’t be a chicken or a cowardly or fearful person.
Indian batsmen: OK!
After…
Arrrgghhh!!!! A duck’s much worse!
On the English menu…
1. Duck soup.
2. Bombay duck.
3. Roast duck.
4. Pressed duck.
5. Peking duck.
6. Duck à l’orange.
What’s your phone number?
England: 40000001
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
England on the Matt at Lord’s. Indians Cooked their goose with a Ballanced all-round performance. Alarm Bells were ringing in the dressing room as they got out to horrendous Stokes. They will have to bring about Broad-based changes and get to the Root of the problem. Same tactics will work no more. Now a grim reAlity stares England in the face. Such a defeat by India would have been discussed even by our parLiament. As for the last ball of the match, one can only quote the Matrix…
You hear that Mr Anderson?… That is the sound of inevitability… It is the sound of your death… Goodbye, Mr Anderson…
(Reference: India-England Second Test, 2014)
© Sunil Rajguru