Category Archives: Short Takes

Aussie Mohali 3-0 musings…

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· Dhawan: I replaced Sehwag.
Vijay: I displaced Gambhir.
Pujara: I’m the New Wall.
Kohli: I filled Dada’s void.
Dhoni: I’m in Laxman’s position.
Rahane (Looking at Sachin): Sigh! Mera number kab aayega?

· Mickey Arthur: What’s my homework?
Cricket Australia: Go home and get some other work. We need a new coach.

· Sound of Music: I am 16, going on 17…
Sound of Cricketing Music: We are 3-0, going on 4-0…

· And in other news, the ODI World Champions win their (almost) T20 match at Mohali.

· The Last Minute should be renamed as The Dhoni Minute.

· At this rate, all the Aussie bowlers will now refuse to do their homework in the hope of getting out of the Fourth Test.

· 1984: Mooche ho toh Nathulal jaisi ho warna naa ho.
2013: Mooche ho toh Shikhar Dhawan jaisi ho warna naa ho.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When the Italian Marines fled India…

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· Khurshid to Marines: Tum Italy jaoge to sahi, magar waapis kaise aaoge?
Marines to Italian Government: I think he doesn’t want us to return!

· US: Americans first. Italy: Italians first…
Indian Government: Err… since all the first places have been taken, we guess it’s Indians Last.

· Consequence=Merely an effect.
Doing nothing can be a consequence.
Sleeping can be a consequence.
Manmohan: Consequences if Italian Marines are not sent.

· Dear Manmohan,
“Unacceptable” is something you don’t accept, not something you say after accepting it.

· Not Khurshid’s fault. When Marines left, he told Italian Government…
“Woh jaayein Italy, woh aayein Italy, lekin laut kar bhi aayein Italy se!”

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

We sack cricketers for not doing their homework…

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· Yet another profession ruined by PowerPoint.
(4 Aussie cricketers sacked for not submitting report)

· Arthur takes the mickey out of the Aussie cricket players.

· CA: We believe each player should list 3 ways in which their individual performance can be improved. What about you?
BCCI: We just believe in just 3 letters!
CA: Eh?
BCCI: I-P-L. They add value to our coffers. (P.S. We still have the WC till 2015)

· Who is coaching Cricket Australia?
A. Mickey Arthur?
B. Mickey Mouse?
C. King Arthur?

· Arthur takes the mickey out of the Aussie cricket players.

· Pattinson: Here mate, take 8 wickets for the first 2 Tests.
Clarke: Thanks mate! Wickets are pure gold here!
Arthur: Hey where’s my report!
Pattinson: But I’m not a reporter!
Arthur: You’re Out!
Clarke: How did he get out?
Pattinson: I’m Stumped!

© Sunil Rajguru

Random Thoughts 29…

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∙ Whenever Progress gets too much, Fate puts obstacles in the way to check it.
The latest ones are Facebook and Twitter.

∙ If March 8 is Women’s Day, then the remaining 364 days are men’s days.
If November 14 is Children’s Day, then the remaining 364 days are adult’s days.
We will be truly civilized when every world citizen feels that every day is hers or his.

∙ Newsmakers yesterday: Will it impact the world?
Then: Will it impact the newspapers and TV channels?
Now: Will it impact the status messages?

∙ The Indian cricket fans’ goodwill is like the stock market, you never know which cricketers stock will crash and which will rise.

∙ You’ve heard of the 80:20 principle?
Well India works on the 99.80:0.20% principle.
99.80% of India has to put up with the bullshit of the remaining 0.20% all the time.

∙ True global democracy has arrived in cyberspace.
Now each and every one of us has friends, connections and even followers…

© Sunil Rajguru

Rahul musings…

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· I really admire Rahul Gandhi.
Among the class of people with absolutely no achievements, he is by far the humblest.

· Rahul: I’ll not marry.
Had Motilal taken this decision, the history of Independent India would have been unrecognizable from what it’s now.

· Rahul: I’ll not marry. I’ll not be PM.
Analysis: I’ve done nothing in the past. I am doing nothing in the present. I’ll continue doing nothing in the future.

· Sonia: Kyunki Bahu Bhi Kabhi Saas Nahin Banegi.

· What Rahul looks like saying: The Nehru-Gandhi dynasty ends with me.
What he is actually saying: The Nehru-Gandhi-Vadra dynasty continues.

· Subject: Rahul not to marry.
Movie claimed: Qurbani.
Actual movie: Bhai Ho To Aisa!

· If MMS is a night watchman, then Rahul is the over-hyped tail-ender who’s yet to come.

· Rajiv aur PM ki gaddi… pahale inkaar, phir pyaar… ab Rahul ki baari.

· Shaadi is political barbaadi, so stay single…
Vajpayee, Kalam, Rahul, Modi, Naveen, Mamata, Mayawati, Jaya, Uma…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Wharton and Modi musings…

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· Modi on Wharton’s WIEF mindshare… I came, I didn’t speak, I still conquered.

· Mr Wharton went to Mr Modi and cried and said, Keynote Speaking is poison.

· In this country, you can’t criticize Sachin, praise Modi or investigate Sonia.

· With the Wharton cancellation, Modi denied even a virtual visa to the US.

· Congress: The Family has sacrificed so much for The Country.
Modi: The Country has sacrificed so much for The Family.

· Floated Question: Will the taint of Godhra ever leave Modi?
Real Question: Will the bogey of Godhra ever leave Modi baiters?

· In truth it’s the anti-Modi mafia which is Fascist, dictatorial and intolerant in nature while condoning all communal riots in all non-BJP states.

· BJP fights till kingdom come to declare PM candidate.
Congress is much more efficient.
Announce future PM candidate the moment a dynasty member is born!

· In WIEF, IE suddenly turned into T for a lot of Indians.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru