Nehru: I’m really
Indira: shocked at the
Rajiv: sorry plight
Sonia: of farmers
Pappu: in India.
Gandhi Devaluation down the ages…
1920: Mahatma.
1966: Indira.
1984: Rajiv.
2004: Sonia.
Future: Pappu.
© Sunil Rajguru
Congress ruins West Bengal.
CPM ruins the ruins.
Trinamool show no matter how bad things get they can still get worse.
The only place where Modi has failed spectacularly is TV studios.
He’s made a pretty OK beginning everywhere else.
(April 28)
Modi’s political career…
2002—Declared dead.
2007—Declared dead.
2009—Declared dead.
2011—Declared dead.
2013—Declared dead.
2019—Declared dead.
(April 20)
Evolution of Pappu…
2004: New wine in new bottle?
2009: Old wine in new bottle?
2014: Old wine in old bottle!
2015: Ancient wine in ancient bottle.
Pak Ruler: Howz our strategy of bleeding India with 1000 cuts going?
Advisor: Actually there are a million cuts.
Ruler: Excellent!
Advisor: Umm… it’s we who have ended up with a million cuts.
Dear Government,
First try to get Sonia/Pappu to give their foreign travel details to tax authorities and then pick on the common man.
(April 18)
65 MPs write a letter to Obama.
Obama replies to 1.25 billion Indians.
#ObamaOnModi #TimeMagazine
Congress to send a spokesperson to counter Modi on his foreign tours.
(Translation: Not just in India, we want to be a global laughing stock too)
(April 17)
Jawaharlal Motilal Nehru.
Ja______ __ti__ Ne___.
JatiNe
jatiNe
Netaji.
(April 16)
The fall…
Nitish + Laloo + Mulayam + Gowda + Chautala = Just the 8th largest party in the Lok Sabha.
#JanataParivar
Poor sweet innocent MMS—Misled by Raja over 2G, Sibal over 66A, Kalmadi over CWG, Antony over Scorpene/Tatra, himself over Coalgate, IB over many things and by Sonia over everything else.
On Twitter, many spoof handles seem far more logical, convincing, witty and effective than the original handles.
Netaji…
Tum mujhe khoon do, main tumhe azaadi doonga.
Nehru-Gandhi dynasty…
Tum mujhe vote do, main tumhe ghulaami doonga.
(April 15)
Pakistan civilian government’s outsourcing…
Decisions: Army.
Security: US.
Finance: Saudis.
Law & order: Terrorists.
Brains: Filaal ghaas charne gayi hai.
(April 14)
If Hillary Clinton becomes President then interns won’t be safe in the White House again.
#BillzSecondComing
The next President of America…
Somebody the First
or
Clinton the Second
or
Bush the Third.
(April 12)
BBC-CNN-Al Jazeera covered India’s Yemeni evacuations in detail.
Indian TV channels matched that kind of coverage over VK Singh’s Tweets.
(April 9)
Emraan Hashmi.
Theme song for one movie…
You can call me X.
Theme song for all movies…
You can call me sex.
(April 7)
Manmohan’s progress …
2013 to himself: Main bekasoor hu!
2014 to voters: Main bekasoor hu!
2015 to CBI: Main bekasoor hu!
2016 to courts: Main bekasoor hu!
2017 to historians: Main bekasoor hu!
(April 1)
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Pappu is like an old Windows computer which keeps hanging.
After every restart he is falsely presented as the latest OS.
Pappu lives in Lalaland and sometimes visits…
1. India.
2. Lok Sabha.
3. Amethi.
4. Some random hut.
5. Some railway bogie.
1848 Idea of Marx
= 1947 Idea of Nehru
= 2004 Idea of Sonia
= 2015 Idea of Pappu
= 20__ Idea of next dynast.
(P.S. Kejri—Mera bhi idea!)
Pappu questions Make in India.
India questions Make (all our Congressi dreams) in Pappu.
Insanity—Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Congress—Doing the same Pappu relaunch over and over again and expecting different results.
Pappu: A proletarian revolution will happen and the farmers will overthrow the bourgeoisie.
Farmer: But sir, you are the bourgeoisie!
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Ekta Kapoor type K soaps…
Kapil cries.
Kambli cries.
Khurshid says Sonia was crying.
Kejriwal was crying says Ashu who then cries himself.
National School of Drama.
Liars Institute of Technology.
Marx School for Vigilante Raids.
TV Institute of Looking Good.
Diggy Raja School of Spin.
#QualificationsToJoinAAP
Kejri: Delhi banjar zameen hai. Voters fasal hai. Bas ab paani ki zaroorat hai.
Ashu: Uska main abhi intazaam karta hu.
#AshuCries
Haste hue aate hai sab,
Rota hua jo jaayega,
Woh muqaddar ka bandar jaaneman kaha laayega.
#AshuCries
Sonia is unhappy.
Kejri is sorry.
Ashu is crying.
Aur development gaya tel lene.
Koi rota (Ashutosh).
Koi sota (on roads at night).
Koi bhaagta (Kejri again).
Koi jaata (too many).
Koi natak. Koi ghatak.
Koi khaas. Koi superkhaas.
Figure it out…
AAP holds rally.
AAP continues rally despite death.
AAP volunteers accused of obstruction.
Victim’s family blames AAP.
AAP apologizes, cries, still blames other parties.
AAP first to Tweet and cry conspiracy.
English news TV channels—All parties are playing shameful politics!
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
With Rs 5 lakh you can buy a small car or a foreign holiday or a minute of Dhoni’s time or CSK—lock stock and barrel!
#PoorSrinivasan #IPL
Vijay Mallya…
Mere paas UB hain, UB City hai, Kingfisher hai, F1 hai, Gayle hai, De Villiers hain, Kohli hai, Starc hai… tere paas kya hai?
N Srinivasan…
Mere paas Maa(hi) hai!
(Waise ICC aur BCCI aur even IPL management bhi hai!)
Wednesday: Kahan hai Gaylestorm?
Thursday: Le le hailstorm!
Hot potato…
Two Test triple centuries.
Dropped from Test team.
Most IPL centuries (4) and MoM awards (16).
Dropped from CSK game.
#Gayle #IPL
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Nehru was suited-booted.
Rajiv was suited-booted.
Vadra is suited-booted.
Pappu is suited-booted.
Pappu attack—Modi=Suit-boot ki sarkar.
Abe bootni ke, ye kya ho raha hai?
Pappu’s political career…
2004—Launched.
2009—Peaked.
2014—Burnout complete.
2015—Relaunch, peak and burnout at the same time.
Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them by TV news channels.
Modi: Suit-boot.
Kejri: Shoot and scoot.
Pappu: Shoot and scoot in a suit-boot.
Suit-boot ka Saudagar.
Suit-boot ki kheti.
Mass suit-boot maker of Godhra.
Suit-boot fekne waalah.
Acche suit-boot din aa gaye.
Abki baar suit-boot ki sarkar.
The very fact that MMS survived as PM is an achievement.
The very fact that Pappu speaks is an achievement.
The very fact that Sonia exists is an achievement.
Ancient philosopher…
The soul is eternal. It keeps relaunching itself into a new body.
Congress leader…
Pappu is eternal. He keeps relaunching himself into a new image.
Escape velocity of Jupiter
+ Once in a blue moon entry
+ Foreign holiday in Thailand
= Kisaano ka Raja Pappu.
Pappu was launched with the escape velocity of Jupiter and still didn’t take off.
Congress meanwhile wants women empowerment. (Pappini to take charge)
2004: Pappu 1.0.
2008: Pappu 2.0.
2009: Pappu 2.1.
2011: Pappu 3.0.
2013: Pappu 4.0.
2014: Pappu 4.1.
2014: Pappu 4.2.
2014: Pappu 4.3.
2015: Pappu 5.0.
…
These versions by Sunil Rajguru