Category Archives: Short Takes

Yet more Mera Pappu Mahaan musings…

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He will definitely get the top job for the sake of symmetry.
1919: Congress President Motilal Nehru creates Dynasty.
2019: Congress President Rahul Gandhi destroys Dynasty.

Hit Hollywood film…
Last King of Scotland.
Hit Bollywood film on Pappu…
Last King of Congressland.
(Party will shut down after that)

BJP second in taking ‪#‎CongressMuktBharat‬ seriously.
First is Congress itself which keeps insisting on hurtling from one disaster to another.

This august house is full of adarsh people whom we should call ji.
This Agusta house is full of Adarsh people whom we should call 2G.

Nehru went back in time (even when there was no time) before the Big Bang and created the Universe.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Raj karega Kejri baba musings…

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After frothing in the mouth over India’s really bad political parties, Anna Hazare decided to gift us the worst ever.
‪#‎AAP‬

Tum mujhe khoon do, main tumhe azaadi doonga.
—Netaji.
Tum mujhe support do, main tumhe AAP doonga.
—Annaji Hazare.

When it comes to celebrations, beat this…
Spends tonnes of money to advertise nationwide nothing done in a municipality.
‪#‎Kejri‬

AAP did not aspire to be different.
It aspired to be worse than the worst politicians of the land.

Jinke sheeshe ke ghar hote hai—unhe pathar nahin fekne chahiye.
Kejri: Isi liye maine bulletproof glass ka istemaal kiya hai!
‪#‎ShootAndScoot‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Modi Modi Modi musings…

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The issue is not when ‪#‎AccheDin‬ came.
The real issue is that ‪#‎BureDin‬ came for them on May 16, 2014.

No matter how much law and order breaks down in Bihar, UP and WB, they will find a wayto blame Modi.
‪#‎Mathura‬

There was no alternative to Nehru and he ruled till death for 17 years.
If the Opposition doesn’t get its act together, forget 2019, Modi will win 2024 too.

#‎Dadri‬
The crux of the issue is the total break down of law and order under Akhilesh 2012 onwards being blamed on Modi 2014 onwards.
In the long run, Bihar ‪#‎JungleRaj‬ will also be Modi’s fault.

Phase I.
Congress. Second Front.
Phase II.
Congress. BJP. Third Front.
Phase III.
BJP. Second Front.

2010s—The candidate with the most Twitter following usually wins.
‪#‎Obama‬ ‪#‎Modi‬ ‪#‎Cameron‬ ‪#‎Erdogan‬
As of now Trump leads Hillary by 2 million.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Indian filmi musings…

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Very soon we will need an underground film circuit where films can be screened without censor interference.
‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ to ‪#‎NahinUdtaPunjab‬

2016 in a parallel universe for India domestic Box Office…
Hollywood film No. 1 nearing 200 crore ‪#‎JungleBook‬
Film on Gulf War second biggest hit ‪#‎Airlift‬
SRK film couldn’t even do 100 crore ‪#‎Fan‬
Sonam acted well for realistic superhit ‪#‎Neerja‬

Think it over…
A film starring Kareena Kapoor, Diljit Dosanjh, Shahid Kapoor and Alia Bhatt has been banned.
‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ to ‪#‎NahinUdtaPunjab‬

Maybe India’s censor board itself should be permanently censored.
‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ to ‪#‎NahinUdtaPunjab‬

Shouldn’t the hashtag be ‪#‎NahinUdtaPunjab‬ instead of ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

May 2016 Status Updates

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Royal “Challengers” Bangalore.
They will always remain challengers.
A name change is required for IPL10.
But IPL Sunrise for Sunrisers Hyderabad.

(May 29)

When it comes to broadband connections, FML means…
FUP My Life!

(May 25)

The Left worship mass murderers Mao and Stalin and claim without proof that their opponents worship Hitler.

Prohibition merely means replacing…
“White money high quality alcohol market”
with
“Black money low quality alcohol market”
(with bootlegging criminals as a an added bonus.)

Pakistan Cricket Board punishes players for not winning World Cup.
Windies board punishes players for winning World Cup.
BCCI doesn’t care either way.
It’s too busy counting the moolah.

Steve Jobs once came to India on a spiritual tour.
40 years later his successor Tim Cook came to India on a material tour.
‪#‎ChangingIndia‬

(May 21)

Entry thanks to JP politics.
Cabinet Minister thanks to BJP.
Bihar Chief Minister thanks to BJP.
Bihar Chief Minister again thanks to RJD.
On his own he’s nothing.
‪#‎NitishKumar‬

(May 20)

These elections are 12345th ‪#‎Test4Modi‬
If he loses, it’ll be 234567th ‪#‎Blow2Modi‬
and proof that ‪#‎ModiWaveEnded‬ and hence ‪#‎ModiMustResign‬

Hotter? Global Warming!
Colder? Climate Change!
Drier? Man creating drought!
Wetter? Climate Change!
The same? Wait for the future!
‪#‎CantWin‬

(May 16)

When onions touched Rs 100 a kg in late 1990s, farmers were selling at 50 paise a kilo.
Cut to 2016, farmers are still selling at 50 paise a kilo.

This is Akshay Kumar’s father-in-law… this is Saif Ali Khan’s mother… this is Kareena Kapoor’s grandfather… this heroine is the co-owner of Rajasthan Royals/Kolkata Knight Riders…
Me answering my son’s “Who’s that” questions while watching ole Bollywood songs.

(May 13)

The moment the Muggle Prime Minister found Hermione Granger’s name in ‪#‎PanamaPapers‬, he felt safe and emboldened to blast corruption in Nigeria and Afghanistan.

At this rate we’ll have an Indian Rio Olympics’ Goodwill Ambassador’s Playing XI…
‪#‎Salman‬ ‪#‎Sachin‬ ‪#‎Bindra‬ ‪#‎Rahman‬

(May 12)

Saudi Aramco is a Trillionaire.
Saudi Royal Family is a Trillionaire.
Poor Billionaires!
‪#‎AramcoIPO‬

(May 11)

By 2027 we will have an Avengers Versus Justice League movie with 147 superheroes fighting 43 supervillains across 11 parallel universes.

I never thought I’d ever see a film with about a dozen superhero/villains with Spider-Man being the least prominent. Spider-Man was once emperor of Marvel.

(May 7)

White money India is a trillion dollar economy.
Black money India is also a trillion dollar economy.
‪#‎ScamIndia‬

(May 6)

Ramdev and Lalu getting together to launch Patanjali products is a real Mahagatbandhan advertising strategy that will popularize the products in Bihar.

He won’t be taken seriously.
He won’t be able to compete.
He’ll withdraw from the race.
He can’t win the nomination.
He can’t be President.
‪#‎Trump‬

Alfred Nobel was nicknamed The Merchant of Death.
Why so much anguish over The Merchant of Death Peace Prize?

Perfect Establishment = Hillary.
Perfect Anti-Establishment = Trump.

(May 4)

#‎NitishKumar‬
First term: Governance and development.
Second term: Politics and ambition.
Third term: Jungle Raj and disaster.
Fourth term: Dissolution of Bihar?

(May 2)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congress crisis musings…

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If you support Kejri, you are an honest sincere human being.
If you support Pappu you are neutral.
But if you support Modi you are communal, Fascist and irrational.

Congress workers renamed a toilet after Rishi Kapoor under the following scheme…
Rajiv Gandhi Shauchalya Ka Naam Badlo Yojana.

Modi approval ratings 2014-19…
Aam junta: 2/3rds approve.
‪#‎AdarshLiberals‬: 2/300ths approve.

The Congress Priyanka ‪#‎2019Polls‬ dilemma…
Get her in too soon and she gets exposed.
Get her late and voters already decided to give Modi second term.

A severe Congress reshuffle would mean…
Senior President: Sonia.
Senior Vice President: Rahul.
Junior Vice President: Priyanka.
Mascot: Vadra.

In 2009 they told us Sonia best bet for India.
In 2014 they told us Mera Pappu Mahaan.
In 2019 they’ll say Priyanka greatest ever.

Congress then…
How can Amitabh share the stage with a person like Modi!
Now…
How can Modi share the stage with a person like Amitabh!

I am ready to die for Sonia.
I pledge allegiance to Sonia.
Madamji at your feet.
Arundhati isn’t an independent and mobile republic, Sonia is!

Madhavrao Scindia-Rajesh Pilot left us.
Pranabda is Prez.
No really strong Chief Minister.
Let’s face it. Pappu’s still the best bet.

1885-1920: Indian National Congress
1920-48: Congress (Mahatma)
1948-66: Congress (Nehru)
1966-2014: Congress (Indira)
2014-__: Congress (Pappu)

Dare to think beyond Dynasty?
Sonia should retire. Who should take over?
Pappu!
But Pappu has failed.
Priyanka?
Kucch naya socho!
Vadra?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru