Category Archives: Indian Politics

Pappu-Modi musings…

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How to become PM
Modi: Lifelong struggle up. Develop State. Win 3 mandates. Give rousing speeches. Fight media. Fight 24X7.
Pappu: Get born!

I am a Hindu Nationalist: Modi.
TV news analysis…
I am a: Huge ego.
Hindu: Communal.
Nationalist: Anti-national.
Modi: Hitler.

Modi: Mere paas teen teen mandate hai, development hai, social media hai, brilliant speeches hai, passionate supporters hai… tere paas kya hai?
Pappu: Why do you have so much anger? It must be brought down!

Q: Have you heard the nonsense of Pappu in textbooks?
A: Pappu himself is a textbook case of nonsense.

Sibal rubbishes Gujarat Model.
Simple.
The way he declared “Zero Loss” in 2G scam, all he has to do is declare “Zero Gain” in the Gujarat Model.
Elementary, my dear Sibal!

Think it over…
65 MPs refuse to accept the validity of a thrice elected Indian CM.
But 65 MPs accept the validity of a US President taking action against him.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Ek rupaya main khaana…

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Can have full meal in Re 1: Farooq Abdullah.
The real question is whether Farooq has ever seen a one Rupee coin in his entire life.

Price of a meal…
Rs 12: Babbar. (In Mumbai)
Rs 5: Masood. (In Delhi)
Re 1: Farooq. (In Kashmir)
Free: Pappu. (In Dalit home)
Next leader is what? Whenever I eat, please pay me.

When I was in school in the 1980s, a Rs 10 note got me a rice plate, a balcony ticket, one samosa and a return bus ticket.
Then the Congress had LS 416 seats.
Today they have half of that but double the arrogance.

Ek chutki sindoor ki keemat tum kya jano: (Om) Shanti (Om).
Ek rupaye ki keemat tum kya jano gareeb naagrik: (Oh God) Farooq (Oh God).

Sounds like if politicians stopped eating in five-star hotels, then the savings would feed the rest of India and the Food Bill wouldn’t be required.

Real debate…
Politician 1: This scam can be done in 1 lakh crores.
Politician 2: I can do it in 5 lakh crores.
Politician 3: I’ll do it in 12 lakh crores!
(Utne main bhi nahin pet bharega actually!)

All these politicians are bent on feeding us cheap food.
We should get them to eat a large slice of humble pie in the 2014 polls.

Some time back, Pappu offered a Grand Prize for the most idiotic statement.
The poor souls are still waiting for him to end the competition and declare the winner.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Thoda paisa, thoda khaana…

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· The Congress couldn’t score enough poverty reduction schemes by 2014, so it introduced the Duckworth-Lewis method to meet its target.

· Very soon the Congress will declare that it is possible to survive on air alone and declare poverty 100% eradicated.

· Politician to self: Rs 1.76 lakh crore? Not enough. Want more.
Politician to citizen: Rs 33? More than enough!

· Once Raj Babbar was seen as the next Angry Young Man.
If he follows his own theories, he will be nothing but a Hungry Old Man.
‪#‎Rs12‬

· UPA sarkaar ke 12 baj gaye.
‪#‎RajBabbar‬

· The 2014 strategy…
Poor man: I am voting against the Congress.
Congress: But we have officially made you “not poor”, so vote for us now!

· Planner: How do we remove poverty?
Politician: Poverty hatana hamare haath main nahin hain, par poverty line to hai na? Hata do apne jagah se!
Planner: Gareebi hat gayi!
Politician: New slogan!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Unending Congressi musings

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· Pappu shows Congress workers a social networking tool called Khidki even as voters are readying to show them the Darwaza.

· The Congress copyrighted Secularism and Socialism in 1947.
That’s why we all can’t criticize it despite its many communal riots, minority appeasements and destruction of the economy…

· I think the Congress is confident because at the very last moment they are getting Dhoni for election campaigning.

· Congress is confident.
2004: UPA1 won for no reason.
2009: UPA2 won for no reason.
2014: So why can’t UPA3 also win for no reason?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Unending Modi musings…

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· The sum of India’s foreign policy…
Pakistan terrorist can come to India.
Chinese soldier can come to India.
Bangladeshi citizen can live in India.
Indian Rupee can go to Switzerland.
Modi can’t go to America.

· Gameplan…
Obama ko likho, Advani ko chadao, Ishrat ko martyr banao, Pappu ko PM banao, agencies ko ladao, secularism 24X7 japo… bas Modi ko roko!

· Visa Request bahut suna hai.
But Visa Rejection Request?
It happens only in India.

· MPs to Nehru, 1948: Sir, don’t internationalize the Kashmir issue.
MPs to Manmohan, 2013: Sir, we are internationalizing the Modi issue.

· BJP Lok Sabha seats in 2014…
140: RIP BJP.
160: NDA2 without Modi.
180: Modi PM.
200: ‪#‎BhaagoNaMoAaya‬

· I personally think it’s quite tough for Modi to make PM in 2014.
But he sure has shaken up things and got everyone running for cover!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

How they shift the goalposts when it comes to Modi…

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Activists: Take action during riots! Take action during riots!
Modi enters…
Activists: Action not enough. Own moral responsibility and resign! Get hanged if possible!

Commentators: Save Hindi and other Indian languages. English is spoiling it all.
Modi enters…
Commentators: Ye kya India chalayega? Ye to English bhi nahin jaanta!

Civil society: We need a firm strong iron hand to solve the problems of this country.
Modi enters…
Civil society: Dictator! Fascist! Hitler!

NGOs: There is only one thing that matters. Development. Development. Development.
Modi enters…
NGOs: Shame! His development is not inclusive.

Politicians: Caste equations… blah blah blah… minority votebank… blah blah blah…
Modi enters…
Politicians: Communal! Communal! Communal!

Media: Merchant of death! Fascist! Hitler! Dictator! Communal! Murderer!
Modi gives a speech…
Media: What strong language! He is not fit to rule India!

Political planner: So then let’s spend Rs 100 crore on social media. Great plan!
Modi enters…
Political planner: Fraud! Fake accounts! You can’t win elections via social media!

© Sunil Rajguru