Category Archives: Indian Politics

General political musings…

Posted on by
Reply

Evolution…
Thousands of years back our ancestors were only interested in survival and nothing else.
Today our politicians are only interested in survival and nothing else.

Action: Kejriwal helped remove Gadkari.
Reaction: Rajnath replaced Gadkari and crowned Modi.
So: In a way, Kejriwal helped Modi?

Great grandfather: When I was small, India had 100s of states (Pre-1947).
Boy: I’m sure the same thing will happen by the time I become old.

If there are 1 lakh Andhra Style Restaurants in India, will about 40,000 of them rename themselves as Telangani Style Restaurants?

Telangana…
Said: Change is inevitable. Change is good. You can’t fight change.
Unsaid: Change=17 Lok Sabha seats.

CBI and BCCI are the ultimate Laundromats.
Kitni bhi gandi chit pakda do, first class dhulai karke clean bana dete hai.

Schrödinger’s Encounter: Any encounter can be both fake and real at the same time.

Laloo: I will give you zero governance!
Voter: Delivered on his promise! Give him 3 terms!
Vajpayee: I will give you great governance.
Voter: It was “good”, but not “great” so let’s boot him out.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pappu musings…

Posted on by
Reply

Tendulkar should have retired in 2011.
Advani should have retired in 2009.
Pappu should have retired in 2004.

What if?
2014: Modi becomes PM and proves effective.
2019: Anti-incumbency renders Pappu PM. Gets 5 years to play with his new toy: India.

Pappu wanted to email a particular spokesperson that he was designated.
He clicked Reply All by mistake and that’s why they are all speaking together.
Pappu stopped using email after that.No ministry of any kind at the State or Centre.

Straight away PM: Nehru, Rajiv and Chandra Shekhar.
Pappu is on the right track.

Dear Pappu,
Indian citizen ko gussa kyun aata hai?
A: Congress.
Gussa bandh karna hai to tu Congress chhod ya party gaddi chhode.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Eerie similarities…

Posted on by
Reply

BJP Campaign: India Shining.
Congress Campaign: Poverty Shining.
Congress Campaign: Ho Raha Bharat Nirman.
BJP Campaign: Ho Raha Modi Nirman.

Nitish: Yaar this Modi is giving me a splitting headache!
Solution: Split from the BJP.
Result—Modi: Yaar mera headache suddenly chala gaya!

Sonia: This Andhra Pradesh Lok Sabha tally is giving me a splitting headache.
Solution: Split Andhra Pradesh.
Result—India: Bhai mera headache suddenly bad gaya!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Telangana musings…

Posted on by
Reply

In school: 22 states, 173 countries, 18 Jupiter satellites, 9 planets.
Now: 29 States, 206 countries, 120 Jupiter satellites, 8 planets.
Bechara ek Pluto hi underachiever nikla.

Q: What about Telangana-AP’s water division?
A: Don’t worry, voter division has been done.

Telangana decision explained…
United we stand (to lose Lok Sabha seats).
Divided we fall (so low and yet pick up the new State’s seats).

Instructions to Congress top brass…
Governance gaya tel lene, jab ghar aana, Telangana hi le ki hi aana, bhale hi saare India ke statehood demands pe bhi tel lagana.

The Congress is putting a huge amount of votes in the Votebank.
But it should note that like banks, even Votebanks can crash.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

States bantate chalo…

Posted on by
Reply

borders-2099205_640Please sing to the tune of Pyar bantate chalo from the movie Hum Sab Ustad Hain…

(Reference: Andhra Pradesh to be bifurcated.)

Ho States bantate chalo, States bantate chalo,
Hey States bantate chalo, States bantate chalo,
Kya South ke, kya North ke, ye sab hain ready for katai,
States bantate chalo, States bantate chalo,
Hey, States bantate chalo, States bantate chalo.

Kaatna hai Centre kee nishanee, yeh buzurgo kaa kehana hai yaaro,
Ek hi saaj ke tar hain sab, par hamko mil jul ke rahna nahin hai yaaro,
Kaatna hai Centre kee nishanee, yeh buzurgo kaa kehana hai yaaro,
Ek hee saaj ke taar hain sab, hamko aur taare jodte rahana hai yaaro,
Hey socho kal kitne kam States the, dekho ab kitne hai,
Sabko le doobegi ye kaantne ki ladai,
States bantate chalo, States bantate chalo,
Hey States bantate chalo, States bantate chalo.

Telangana ye hai to Seemandhra tum ho, ye hai Bihar to Jharkhand tum ho,
Naam kuchh ho magar ye naa bhulo, sab se pahale to political victim tum ho,
Telangana ye hai to Seemandhra tum ho, ye hai Bihar to Jharkhand tum ho,
Naam kuchh ho magar ye naa bhulo, sab se pahale to political victim tum ho,
Hey bache hue States, kal ke liye tayyaar raho,
Tum se aur regional leaders kya kya ummeede hain lagi,
States bantate chalo, States bantate chalo…

This spoof by Sunil Rajguru

(Original song: Pyar bantate chalo.
Film: Hum Sab Ustad Hain.
Year: 1965.)

BJP-Congress musings of the day…

Posted on by
Reply

No matter how much you shift the Poverty Line, the poor will neither notice nor care.

If the BJP comes to power in 2014, it would be of the Congress’ own doing.
Pappu will then pop the question…
BJP kaun laya?

PM stands for Passively Mute.
MMS stands for Multi-Million Scams.

Like watching a B-grade Bollywood movie with Raj Babbar as the villain, Pappu as the comedian, Diggy Raja as the bitchy gossipy Saas and MMS as the well-meaning Uncle who does nothing!

Political roadmap for India…
Turn Right.
Keep straight.
Make sure you make no more Left turns.

Raj Babbar: Rs 12 main aap pet bhar ke khaa sakte hai.
A: Rs 12 main to aapke bete ka film dekhte waqt ek mutthi bhar popcorn bhi nahin milega!

The sad truth…
Janata Dal: With 46 LS seats, I lasted nearly 2 years.
Congress: With 145 seats I lasted the full term.
BJP: With 161 seats I lasted 13 days!

If the BJP gets extinct after losing in 2014, then it will be a tragedy for even BJP-haters as India will enter a more hardline phase of Congress “dictatorship”.

We are friendly: Chidu.
(Section 66A. Water cannons. Protestors are “Maoists”. Inflation. Grim economy. Megascams. Angry allies. Arrogant spokespersons…)
We will be friendlier in 2014: Chidu.
Be afraid. Be very afraid!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru