Just keep adding the zeroes… (Zeroes are worthless anyway)

1.76 paise: Worth something after Independence, worthless now.

17.6 paise: The price of a solitary sweet in a pack of sweets?

Rs 1.76: About the price of a bubble gum.

Rs 17.6: Enough potato chips to satisfy momentary hunger.

Rs 176: About the price of a ticket in a non-multiplex cinema hall.

Rs 1760: The cost of watching a movie in a multiplex with family.

Rs 17,600: A cheap workable sofa set is possible.

Rs 1,76,000: Enough money to buy a Nano with AC etc.

Rs 17.6 lakhs: That’ll get you a big luxury car in India.

Rs 1.76 crore: An up market flat in a metro.

Rs 17.6 crore: An independent house in a metro.

Rs 176 crore: The annual turnover of a small company.

Rs 1,760 crores: The price of an Airbus A380 with extra modifications.

Rs 17,600 crores: The annual turnover of one of India’s largest companies.

Rs 1.76 lakh crores: Phew! We finally reach the number of the (maha)Raja of Indian telecom! Laloo was small fry, Telgi is non-existent and Harshad Mehta is turning in his grave.

Rs 17.6 lakh crores: The total worth of all the scams in India put together?

Rs 176 lakh crores: Or is this the total worth of all the scams in the history of India put together?

Bhai sahib, bus zero jodte jao, jodte jao, kee pharak painde???

India invented the Zero, didn’t it?

© Sunil Rajguru

Kaun kambakht kahata hain ki education India ka corruption hatayega?

graduation-309661_1280• This LLB and MA (Political Science) got caught in the biggest animal husbandary scam of the decade.

• This BA LLB spends thousands of crores in building meaningless statues and parks.

• This BSc MBA had to resign as chief minister over the Adarsh scam.

• This PhD and double masters had to quit over his links with a cricket team which brought down the whole IPL bandwagon.

• This ex-Indian Air Force Officer and Fergusson College + NDA alumni presided over the biggest Commonwealth Games scam.

• This multiple gold medalist D.Phil and Oxford alumni survived a very shady trust vote in the past and became the first prime minister to be pulled in such a manner by the supreme court over 2G.

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Ob-li-mey O-ba-ma

(Please sing to the tune of the Beatles’ O-bla-di, O-bla-da)

The Prez comes with a barrow in the Indian market place,
Manmohan is the leader of the land,
The Prez says to Manmohan “man let’s do business”,
And Manmohan shakes him firmly by the hand.

Ob-li-mey O-ba-ma, he’s the man O-ba-ma,
La-la how the paeans go on,
Ob-li-mey O-ba-ma, he’s the man O-ba-ma,
La-la how the paeans go on.

The Prez takes a trolley to the Indian stores,
And announces deals worth billions n billions,
Takes it back to Manmohan waiting at the Indian shores,
And as he gives it all the politicians sing…

Ob-li-mey O-ba-ma, he’s the man O-ba-ma,
La-la how the paeans go on,
Ob-li-mey O-ba-ma, he’s the man O-ba-ma,
La-la how the paeans go on.

In a couple of years they would have hoped to have built,
A home sweet home of business,
With a couple of dozen planes, turbines and N-plants,
And thousands of US jobs.
(Ah ha ha ha ha ha)

Ob-li-mey O-ba-ma, he’s the man O-ba-ma,
La-la how the paeans go on,
Ob-li-mey O-ba-ma, he’s the man O-ba-ma,
La-la how the paeans go on.

And if you want some fun,
Ob-li-mey O-ba-ma, he’s the man O-ba-ma.

This Spoof By Sunil Rajguru

(Original song: O-bla-di, O-bla-da
Group: Beatles
Year: 1968)

TV Channels and the US President

(Please read in the spirit of “Blind men and the Elephant”)

A number of TV news channels came to see a US President. One was the first to click him stepping off the plane. It went running and screaming “Exclusive footage of the President’s feet landing on Indian soil.” Another got a side angle of his dancing wife: Exclusive No. 2. Another found out all about his favourite food while yet another about his views on some trivial issue that concerned no-one. Soon the number of exclusives ran into hundreds.

Meanwhile real issues that concerning the people of the land were all relegated firmly to the background as thousands of hours of TV footage and millions of viewers watched the spectacle of a president’s personal likes, dislikes, tourist visits, dance steps, political clichés and diet and no-one actually seemed to know what the actual political and economic ramifications were of such a visit…

This version by Sunil Rajguru

The Dumbest Electorate in the World?

Sometimes I think India (and I’m very much part of it) is the dumbest electorate in the world. While at the end of every election, the media goes ballistic on how mature the electorate is and how the people cannot be fooled, the truth is far from that.

It all began with Jawaharlal Nehru. What were his policies? Were they good or bad? Should alternatives be looked at? No-one cared. Nehru was such a gigantic personality, that the people voted for the Congress in general election after general election no matter what state the country was in. He would probably have been elected easily even if he had lived till the age of 100.

They say that the common man wants peace and hates war and that in reality war benefits no-one. But the electorate loves all-out wars.

Lal Bahadur Shastri brokered a peace in the Rann of Kutch. He was seen as weak. Then he won the 1965 war and was suddenly seen as strong, even though his policies remained the same. Indira Gandhi built her seventies rule on the Indo-Pak war even though it ruined the economy and led to the Emergency. The Siachen maneuver boosted Rajiv Gandhi’s image while the Kargil War put a spring in AB Vajpayee’s step.

Talking of the above Emergency, it was the Opposition which got the worst out it. What about the common man? He lived in a clean and efficient India where government officers did their work and trains came on time. Of course the common man hated the new efficient India and kicked Indira out at the first given chance.

They say the common man is interested in development: All he wants is roads, water, electricity, education etc. But pro-development Chief Ministers like SM Krishna and Chandrababu Naidu were unceremoniously shown the door. Even J Jayalalitha in her last term concentrated on development and was hence booted out.

Laloo Prasad Yadav had nothing to show for his 5 years rule. So he got re-elected. Then he had nothing to show for his 10 years rule, so he got re-elected again. The electorate loved his non-development so much that they even backed his wife, Rabri Devi, a total novice. When he was finally seen as an efficient Railway Minister, he was booted out both in his Centre and State as punishment for this new clean image!

In fact Mayawati after coming to power in Uttar Pradesh showed she could be as inefficient as Laloo. The electorate rewarded her with 21 Lok Sabha seats. The state that has shown minimum development in the last 30 odd years is West Bengal. So it is no wonder that the Left is the country’s longest lasting government there.

Now we have entered the era of Coalitions. That could also be because we have entered the era of the Confused Electorate, nothing else.

Of course, there are exceptions where the electorate has really made a wise choice. But there are so few of them that we could say that exception proves the rule.

The Indian electorate is always swayed by vague thing like sentiments, sympathy waves and communal/secular “images”. They are never worried about the real issues that concern them.

The Indian electorate is much like the stock market. You don’t know what really drives it and when and why it will suddenly crash.

© Sunil Rajguru