MMS, the new Harry Potter of India…

Move over Harry Potter, India has its own hero in the form of Manmohan Singh (MMS) with seven exciting books in the series.

A brief synopsis of each book…

MMS and the Sorcerer’s Wand: Our hero stumbles upon a magic wand that makes him prime minister of his kingdom. But what’s this? It is totally ineffective against inflation, price rise and media scrutiny! How will our hero overcome all of this? Read the Sorcerer’s Wand to find out!

MMS and the Chamber of Dirty Secrets: While exploring the kingdom, our hero stumbles upon the chamber that holds all the dirty secrets related to scams, corruption and other wrongdoings of the land. Being squeaky clean himself, how will he cope with this shock? And can his spotless white kurta escape the stains of all the muck around him? Read to find out…

MMS and the Prisoners of Tihar: One by one, our hero’s ministers start disappearing from his cabinet and magically apparate into Tihar Jail. Is all of this a conspiracy? And the curses and spells seem to be coming near the prime minister’s sacred inner cabinet. Can his top ministers escape? And more importantly, can he counter all the spells that are unleashed directly at him?

MMS and the Trial by Fire: Capturing the throne was the easiest part. Holding on to it is tougher. Every day our hero has to battle confidence motions, forces behind the throne, a belligerent cabinet, media scrutiny, funny fasting old men, a mysterious entity called the RSS along with forces from other evil kingdoms… Will he survive?

MMS and the Order of the Spokespersons: In this episode all the brain-dead empty headed leaders of the kingdom get together and form the highly idiotic and irritating Order of the Spokespersons. They plague the entire kingdom with their non-stop verbal spells that fly through the airwaves and multiply through cyberspace plunging the entire land into gloom. The movie version will be titled: The League of Extraordinarily Irritating (and not so) Gentle Men and Women.

MMS and the Half-blood Prince: Is the half-blood prince, who claims divine unbroken prime ministership from his father’s side, a friend or a foe? Will the prince redeem the kingdom and save it from ruin or will he usurp MMS from his coveted post and consign him to the dustbin of history? Can one live while the other survives?

MMS and the Deathly Fellows: We reach the last stage of the saga of the tragic hero. There is death and destruction all around. Reputations, schemes, plans are all dying with great regularity. No new spells can be created and the magic wand is busy deflecting mundane petty attacking spells all day. Will the lame duck manage to limp across the finishing line and maybe even take his fellowship into another term?

This spoof by Sunil Rajguru

The Diggy Raja Times…

Here is the news today…

∙ Libyan leader Muhammed Gadaffi was finally killed thanks to the close ties he had developed with the RSS in the last days of his life. His views of Kashmir were highly biased since they were influenced by RSSRSS (Really Simple Syndication of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh).

∙ The Bangalore Metro finally took off because BSY, who is extremely high on RSS radiation, is no longer in charge. The relatively low level of RSS contamination faced by Sadanand Gowda greatly helped matters.

∙ The RSS Virus has finally turned Team Anna into a sick patient. I had warned earlier that it was severely affected with the RSS Virus and the symptoms are there for everyone to see now: Infighting, dissent, loss of credibility and corruption.

∙ The RSS Virus has also hit Team England who were fit enough to beat us on their soil, but have fallen sick after coming to India. There is a Patel in the team and all Patels are close to Narendra Modi. That could be the source of infection.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

UPA Government Scorecard…

A Raja___ c. CBI b. CAG.

Suresh Kalmadi___ c. CBI b. Shunglu.

Kanimozhi___ Hit Wicket b. CBI.

Shashi Tharoor___ Seriously injured in practice match.

KC Rao___ Retired Hurt (on moral grounds).

Prakash Karat___ Injured as a result of nuclear radiation.

Mamata Banerji___ Retired Hurt (of feelings).

Sharad Pawar___ Promoted to international league.

Chidambaram___ b. S Swamy, Third Umpire appeal pending.

Digvijay Singh*___ Batting non-stop with a flourish of fours and sixes…

Manmohan Singh* (C)___ Severely bruised and battered, but still batting bravely.

Expert Commentary: Manish Tiwari, Ambika Soni & Renuka Chaudhary.

Non-playing captain: Rahul Gandhi.

Coach: Pranab Mukherjee.

Chairman of Selectors: Sonia Gandhi.

Opposition: Team Anna, Media, CAG, Courts & Common Man.

(Other political parties unable to put together a fighting fit Team XI.)

© Sunil Rajguru

What “Manmohan Singh” really wants to say…

Main azaad nahin hu!

Anna Hazare se mujhe bachao!

Nuclear policy ki waat lag gayi!

Mukherjeeda, main tujhe pradhan mantra nahin ban-ne doonga!

Oil prices, inflation, high taxation ka magic wand kahan hai!

Hisar chhootha, ab hisaab hi chhuthha ho jaayega!

Andimuthu Raja ye tune kya kiya!

Notes se votes nahin milte hain, cash-for-votes file bandh karo!

Swiss Bank list ki talwar abhi bhi sar par latak rahi hai!

Information ka Right ko bahaar pheko!

NREGA aur kitna paisa lega? Tijori hi khaali ho rahi ha!

G se bahut dar lagta hai… 2G, CWG, CAG, Soniaji, Rahulji…

Hum phir bhi chup rahenge… hahaha… tum sab chillaate raho!

This version by Sunil Rajguru

Choose your crime. Choose your size.

If you want to thrash a prominent person, then first form a fancy group with a fancy name…

If you want to kill someone, make sure you have a bigger group with a bigger sounding cause…

If you want to kill a few more people, make sure you end up in politics to escape in the end…

If you want some chance of success at any stupid cause, make sure you do enough rail and rasta rokos, disrupting life as much as possible…

If you want to kill a few million people however, make sure you head a respectable government first…

For all other common citizens, even if you steal 10 Rupees or threaten someone, you could end up in jail for a very long time…

© Sunil Rajguru

The Diggy Raja Doublespeak Show of 2011

After reading Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland, Diggy Raja turned to George Orwell’s 1984 and was quite impressed with the whole concept of Doublespeak…

Prashant Bhushan attacks corruption… The BJP is backing him!
Prashant Bhushan gets attacked… The BJP is beating him!

Anna Hazare attacks RSS… He is lying!
RSS backs Anna Hazare… They are telling the truth, hence proved that Anna Hazare was lying as my previous statement showed!

Manmohan Singh as PM… He is the best PM and so should stay.
Rahul Gandhi as PM… He will be even greater and so should become.

On Anna Hazare… Anna is RSS RSS RSS!
On Team Anna… Anna Hazare is an honest and simple man. People are misusing his name.

On Anna Hazare’s fast… We will give him the Baba Ramdev treatment!
On Sanjiv Bhatt’s arrest… This is a burning example of fascist thinking and fascist government.

Chidambaram and Naxalism… He is intellectually arrogant.
Chidambaram and corruption… Sangh has made him a target.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru