Category Archives: Films

Random Bollywood musings…

Posted on by
Reply

Salman Khan should be brand ambassador for Baba Ramdev.
Then we’d get…
Prem Patan(jali) Noodles Khayo.
‪#‎PRDP‬ ‪#‎Bhai‬

Many film critics rate stars’ films between 1 and 5 stars but superstars’ films between 4 and 5 stars.
So for superstars…
Shitty film = 4*.
OK film = 4.5*.
Good/great film = 5*.
(Really shitty film = 3.5*)

I boosted Shahrukh Khan’s career!
—Yash Chopra.
I boosted SRK & Kajol’s career!
—Aditya Chopra.
I boosted Tanishaa’s career!
—Uday Chopra.
I couldn’t even boost Uday’s career!
—Priyanka Chopra.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When the Indian censor board cut almost everything…

Posted on by
Reply

censored-1726364_640One day the censor board may well turn…
Kutte main tera khoon pee jaunga.
…to…
Billi main tera doodh pee jaunga.

Today if you made a 2-hour film on a foul-mothed lesbian who loved beef, then perhaps only 3 minutes of the movie would be left after all the cuts.

If this censor board was in operation at that time, then Vishal Bharadwaj would have directed ******* in 2009.
(Kaminey)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Bengaluru: The city of a thousand multiplex screens?

Posted on by
Reply

seating-2240032_640In India, PVR’s first 11-screen multiplex was in Bengaluru. (Forum)

PVR’s second 11-screen multiplex was in Bengaluru. (Orion)

Now PVR’s third 11-screen multiplex is also coming up in Bengaluru. (Vega)

Bengaluru will also become the first city in India to have two 9-screen multiplexes. (A lot of cities have only one.)

We already have Marketcity even as Xander is coming up.

As if that’s not enough, then they’re also planning another 7-screen multiplex (Elements).

This is not even counting the other multiplexes of other brands.

When I first came to Bengaluru, someone said it was “The city of a 100 cinema halls”.

With the way it’s going it will soon be known as…

“The city of a 1000 multiplex screens”.

My Bollywood Columns

Posted on by
Reply

Why SRK’s Fan and Raees will suffer like Dilwale
January 9, DailyO.in

Neither Big B nor SRK: Can Incredible India think beyond film stars?
January 8, DailyO.in

Shah Rukh Khan’s career is now officially over
January 4, DailyO.in

Sabse Bada Khiladi: Akshay Kumar completes 25 years in Bollywood
December 30, Sify.com

Bollywood’s “phoren” heroines. Where are the “phoren” heroes?
December 28, Sify.com

How SRK and Dilwale got punished for Aamir over intolerance
December 23, DailyO.in

Is Aamir a hypocrite of the highest order?
November 26, Sify.com

Aamir Khan: Greatest superstar of all time?
January 5, 2015, Sify.com

Bollywood: From 1 Crore Club to the 300 Crore Club
January 5, 2015, Sify.com

Why PK presses all the wrong buttons
December 31, 2014, Sify.com

All hail Aamir, the Emperor Khan!
31 January, 2014, Sify.com

11 lessons learned from Dhoom 3
30 December, 2013, Sify.com

Deepika Padukone creates the Rs 1000 crore club!
09 December, 2013, Sify.com

King Khan: A king for debut directors, too!
25 October, 2012

Yash Chopra: The King of Versatility
24 October, 2012

What if Big B had never existed?
09 October, 2012, Sify.com

Amitabh and India: A tale of parallel lives
05 October, 2012, Sify.com

The A to Z of Amitabh Bachchan
05 October, 2012, Sify.com

An Open Letter to Shahrukh Khan
8 November, 2011, Sify.com

Bollywood Rs 100-crore club musings…

Posted on by
Reply

1975: Sholay creates Rs 15-crore club.
Nobody joins for close to 20 years.
2008: Ghajini creates Rs 100 crore club.
2013: Chennai Express 22nd member.

Bollywood movies with brains at the speed of the tortoise always win the final race at the speed of the hare.

Ab SRK Gurgaon Passenger bhi banayega to dedh sau crore pakka.

Spectacular special effects rule Hollywood movies.
Spectacular special defects rule Bollywood movies.

If Rohit Shetty made a documentary on the Khans, it would enter the Bollywood Rs 100 Crore Club.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Bollywood Rs 100 crore club musings…

Posted on by
Reply

Worst SRK movie I’ve seen is Ra.One.
It did Rs 115 crores.
Worst Salman movie I’ve seen is Dabangg 2.
Rs 155 crores.
I am totally out of sync with modern India.

Shitty film?
Don’t worry.
Dher saara publishitty hai na!
‪

My strange news feed…
80% Status Messages praise film: Rs 40 crore at box office.
50-50 verdict: Rs 80 crore.
90% royally trash film: Rs 150 crore!

1 Bollywood Superstar
+ 1 Publicity blitzkrieg
+ 1 Weekend
= Rs 100 crores.
(Story, logic aur quality gaya tel lene)

1st Weekend: Superstar hai. Accha hi hoga. Dekhte hai. Bam! 100 crores.
2nd weekend: 100 crore movie hai. Accha hi hoga. Dekhte hai. Bam! 50 more crores.
TV pe dekhi hi lete hai free main, music sun hi lete hai. Bam! 50 more crores.

#‎SRK‬
2007: Sattar minute main World Cup jeet lo!
2013: Sattar ghante main Rs 100 Crore Club jeet lo!
‪#‎ChennaiExpress‬

Films are getting shittier and shittier and making more and more money.
Are we viewers getting dumber or are producers getting smarter?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru