#UdtaPunjab musings…

Shahid Kapoor visited Punjab as a squeaky clean kid in 2007 (Jab We Met) but returned as a hardened drug addict in 2016 (‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬).

Punjab Problem (Udta Punjab)
Kashmir Problem (Haider)
Mumbai Riots, Kargil, 9/11, Godhra (Mausam)
Match-fixing, drugs (Kaminey)
Education problem (Paathshaala)
‪#‎ShahidKapoor‬

#‎UdtaPunjab‬ is a catchy name and a catchier hashtag.
Multiple Twitterstorms were inevitable.

“Adult with Caution” films at red light areas!
What next?
Red Light Mall Multiplexes?
‪#‎CensorBoardRevamp‬

Superheroes, aliens and spaceships are more real, believable and relevant than drugs, sex and nudity—hence we’ll pass the former.
‪#‎CensorBoard‬

Fact is stranger than fiction.
—Anonymous.
Fiction can’t be based on strange facts.
—Censor Board.
‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬

Drug problem is there.
India is corrupt and racist.
Gays are in large numbers.
Sex exists.
So, reality can’t be shown in fiction?

Censor board: Please replace Punjab with a fictitious land.
(The problem is that their image of Punjab itself is fictitious!)

Anurag Kashyap now has the unique record of having a film banned under Vajpayee, MMS and Modi.
Guess which made most noise?
‪#‎Paanch‬ ‪#‎BlackFriday‬ ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬

#‎UdtaPunjabVerdict‬
Shahid Kapoor
+ Kareena Kapoor
+ Alia Bhatt
+ Anurag Kashyap
+ Ekta Kapoor
+ Diljit Dosanjh
thrash Pahlaj Nihalani

The fact.
Every Censor Board since Independence has sucked.
The spin.
It started with Nihalani.
Modi hired Nihalani.
It’s Modi’s fault.

Gokul Shankar banned under Nehru.
Aandhi banned under Indira.
Pati Parmeshwar banned under Rajiv.
Black Friday banned under MMS.
Stop behaving as if it’s something new!

Time is right to make a film on the crazy chain of events in the ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ controversy.

Too many jokers are supporting ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ for all the wrong reasons.

Kejriwal is unhappy.
He doesn’t get a chance to waste an evening and review ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ for his Punjab voters.
Hence the attacks.

Above an “A” certification, just put a “Danger” certification and just go ahead and release the film as it is!

Reminder…
Censor Board was formed under Nehru.
It had a non-filmi ignoramus under Manmohan.
It has always been a problem.
But now it is finally being revamped under Shyam Benegal.

2004: ‪#‎AnuragKashyap‬’s Black Friday ready for release.
2007: Finally released by SC after censor ban.
2016: Delay in ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ makes India North Korea.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Indian filmi musings…

Very soon we will need an underground film circuit where films can be screened without censor interference.
‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ to ‪#‎NahinUdtaPunjab‬

2016 in a parallel universe for India domestic Box Office…
Hollywood film No. 1 nearing 200 crore ‪#‎JungleBook‬
Film on Gulf War second biggest hit ‪#‎Airlift‬
SRK film couldn’t even do 100 crore ‪#‎Fan‬
Sonam acted well for realistic superhit ‪#‎Neerja‬

Think it over…
A film starring Kareena Kapoor, Diljit Dosanjh, Shahid Kapoor and Alia Bhatt has been banned.
‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ to ‪#‎NahinUdtaPunjab‬

Maybe India’s censor board itself should be permanently censored.
‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬ to ‪#‎NahinUdtaPunjab‬

Shouldn’t the hashtag be ‪#‎NahinUdtaPunjab‬ instead of ‪#‎UdtaPunjab‬?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Shah Rukh Khan’s career through trilogies…

The Debut With Senior Citizen trilogy…
Deewana (1992) (Rishi Kapoor).
Chamatkar (1992) (Naseeruddin Shah).
Dil Aashna Hai (1992) (Jeetendra-Mithun).

The Bhootnike trilogy
Chamatkar (1992).
Paheli (2005).
Bhootnath (2008).

The Debuted and Soon Died Playing Villainous Role trilogy…
Baazigar (1993).
Darr (1993).
Anjaam (1994).

The Rakesh Roshan Mixed Bag trilogy…
King Uncle (1993).
Karan Arjun (1995).
Koyla (1997).

The Kajol Young Jodi Trilogy…
Karan Arjun (1995).
Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge (1995).
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (1997).

The Aditya Chopra trilogy…
Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge (1995).
Mohabbatein (2000).
Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi (2008).

What He Acted In Those Films? trilogy…
Zamaana Deewana (1995).
Guddu (1995).
Chaahat (1996).

The Yash Chopra Romantic trilogy…
Dil To Pagal Hai (1997).
Veer-Zaara (2004).
Jab Tak Hai Jaan (2012).

The Karan Johar Fluffy Romance trilogy…
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (1997).
Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham… (2001).
Kal Ho Naa Ho (2003).

The Aziz Mirza trilogy…
Yes Boss (1997).
Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani (2000).
Chalte Chalte (2003).

The Serious Cinema Trilogy…
Aśoka (2001).
Swades (2004).
Chak De! India (2007).

The Kajol Oldie Jodi Trilogy…
Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham… (2001).
My Name Is Khan (2010).
Dilwale (2015).

The Farah Khan Mindless Superhit trilogy…
Main Hoon Na (2004).
Om Shanti Om (2007).
Happy New Year (2014).

The Major trilogy…
Main Hoon Na (2004).
Veer Zaara (2004). (Major equivalent Squadron Leader)
Jab Tak Hai Jaan (2012).

The Deepika Padukone Mindless Blockbuster trilogy…
Om Shanti Om (2007).
Chennai Express (2013).
Happy New Year (2014).

The Playing a Superstar Like Himself trilogy…
Om Shanti Om (2007).
Billu (2009).
Fan (2016).

© Sunil Rajguru

Yet more Bollywood musings…

Rights done.
PR done.
Marketing done.
Signings done.
Bookings done.
Music done.
All done.
What about story?
Time nahin. Shooting start karo.

Kajol-SRK…
Baazigar, Karan Arjun: SRK dominated.
DDLJ: Both dominated.
KKHH, K3G: Kajol dominated.
MNIK: Box office domination decline.
Dilwale: Box office domination zero.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Some filmi musings…

Old Hollywood made films for adults.
New Hollywood makes films for male adolescent teens.
Old Bollywood made films for hopeless romantics.
New Bollywood makes films for morons.

For Bollywood film distributors, Dilwale was Diwaaliya and Bajirao was mast.
‪#‎BoycottDilwale‬

SRK’s box office superhit partner…
1993-2001—Kajol.
Baazigar
Karan Arjun
DDLJ
KKHH
K3G
2007-14—Deepika.
Om Shanti Om
Chennai Express
Happy New Year

#‎AamirCriesIntolerance‬.
‪#‎AppWapsi‬ ‪#‎SayNoToSnapDeal‬ trends.
‪#‎SnapDealLoses‬.
‪#‎SRKCriesIntolerance‬.
‪#‎BoycottDilwale‬ trends.
‪#‎DilwaleBombs‬.
‪#‎NextIsWhat‬?

Kyunki Vulgarity Queen bhi kabhi Saas-Bahu Queen thi.
#KyaaKoolHainHum3

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Latest Bollywood musings…

Bollywood superstar makes crappy film.
Some friendly critics praise it. Others blast it.
Indians see in large numbers, most say, “What bakwaas!”
Film makes 100s of crores.
Repeat.

Dilip Kumar did many great films before Sachin was born.
Sachin got Padma Vibhushan in 2008; Bharat Ratna in 2013.
Dilip sahab is getting the Padma Vibhushan only in 2015!

1964: Noor Ullah Khan born.
2002: Noor Ullah Khan died.
2015: Noor Ullah Khan never existed.
‪#‎SalmanVerdict‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru