Category Archives: 25 things (or less)

5 things I miss about student life…

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kids-909715_12801. Irresponsibility: Mannu kee?
In school, there are no real responsibilities to think about. You just go about them like a robot. In college, though you’re on your own, it really doesn’t matter. Going late? No problem! No clean clothes to wear? No problem!
No bills to pay, no promises to keep and no miles to go before I sleep—just sleep!

2. Optimism: Hum honge kaamyaab…
In school, I wanted to be Prime Minister of India. When I pass out of college I’m going to be Bill Gates! Why not! Anything is possible! I can top the class this year. Or maybe next year! I can join IIT and IIM. I can launch a company bigger that Microsoft…
The world is my oyster, even if I’ve never eaten an oyster and haven’t the foggiest idea what an oyster looks like!

3. Equality: Just another brick in the wall
In school, everyone looks and acts just the same. In college, with the right attitude, anyone can be a cool dude. You can escape all class distinctions that appear much later in life when everyone seems to have no choice but to keep up with the Joneses.
School=Total Socialism.
Work=Total Capitalism.

4. Economy: Having not much money to spend in the first place
We could really make our money last. It was in short supply and optimized to the hilt.
I remember in school, the equation was…
One ten rupee note = One rice plate + One balcony ticket + One popcorn + One bus ride back home = One day spent like a king.

5. Total time waste: Kee pharak painde?
You can waste all the time in the world in college and still have enough time to waste some more. In contrast, while working, sometimes a minute wasted seems like a horrible tragedy of hours.
Theory of Ageing Relativity: Time passes slowly in childhood and speeds up when you grow up.

Bonus…
Bunking: So easy in college, but just try doing it regularly at work!
Parents: They have the headaches when you’re small and you inherit all of them with compound interest when you grow up.
Choices: In school, you have only once choice: To go to the next class. After passing out of college the poor unsuspecting soul is bombarded with choices of all shapes, sizes and types which continue throughout his or her life…

© Sunil Rajguru

7 possible theories behind the Osama story…

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7 possible theories behind the Osama story…

1. The Tere bin Laden Theory
Osama died years back anonymously. A US top official saw the Bollywood film Tere bin Laden and decided to stage-manage the death of a look-alike. That’s why the US forces simply stormed in, got time to do DNA test and dump his body in the ocean on the way back all in a matter of hours. Plot could possibly be used for a Hollywood Tere bin Laden.

2. The WillKat Wedding Theory
Obama gave the the Osama kill order on April 29. And yet Osama died only on May 2. What happened in between?
British intelligence got wind of it and Queen Elizabeth personally called Obama to postpone the capture as it would upstage the marriage of her grandson William with Kate.
Britain hasn’t been America’s best friend for nothing.

3. The Change of Leadership Theory
People within Al-Qaeda were fed up and wanted a total change of leadership and infusion of fresh blood and therefore ratted him out.

4. The Osama-Pak Fallout Theory
Pak had been housing Osama for years. A tiff over some minor issue led ISI to anonymously tip the CIA.
They later pretended to know nothing about it.

5. The I am Bored Theory
Tired of being locked indoors for 10 years, Osama cracked up and slipped out for a morning walk at 4am and was noticed by a neighbour who anonymously tipped off the ISI who anonymously tipped off the CIA.

6. The Law of Averages Theory
Osama’s security head kept him hidden for more than 3500 days.
Look what happened when he had a bad day!

7. The Dubious Dubya Theory
George W Bush got top secret info on where Osama was hiding in his second term.
He decided to use it for a rainy day in maybe his third term. Only, he forgot that he was not entitled for a third term and he forgot about the note.
Obama found a note in his drawer that said: “Open on April 14, 2011 before the re-election campaign”. The note had the coordinates for the house which has been housing Osama from 2005.
Lucky Obama!

This version by Sunil Rajguru

5 things required ASAP vis a vis Sachin Tendulkar…

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The following things should be done immediately for World Peace, Fan Peace and Peace on TV channels…

1. Mr Manmohan Singh, please give Sachin the Bharat Ratna.
More Indians want this man to get it than all the supporters of all the Bharat Ratna awardees combined.

2. Mr Ajay Maken, begin your tenure in style.
Institute a “Sachin Tendulkar Maha Global Sportsman Award” and give Donald Bradman the first one posthumously.

3. Mr Shashank Manohar, may a foreign player be allowed to join IPL only after he has signed a statement stating Sachin is the greatest of all.
I doubt whether they read the fine print anyway, they just want the moolah!

4. Someone get hold of Pele, Federer and Woods… anyone and get them to make a statement that Sachin is the greatest sportsperson of all time.

5. There are tonnes of Indian billionaires.
Can’t one of them buy Sports Illustrated Magazine and do a cover story on how Sachin’s the greatest of all time?

© Sunil Rajguru

6 advantages of frequent power cuts…

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candle-2038736_640• With the absence of the TV and computer, you are forced to adopt the reading habit. This and delayed flights may be factors leading to the increased sales of English writing books in India off late.

• Makes you more social: You are forced to interact with your neighbours on a more regular basis…

• While the world hosts Earth Hour annually, we Indians celebrate it about a 1000 times a year. Some places celebrate Earth Day and Earth Week. Some villages even celebrate Earth Decade.

• A welcome check on kids who watch non-stop TV or play computer games without a break.

• India consumes less power and is hence eco-friendlier than other countries.

• Savings on your power bill.

© Sunil Rajguru

5 drastic astronomy upgrades since I was in school…

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It’s a very Moony system, you know
Did you know that both Saturn and Jupiter have more than 60 moons each? More are being discovered all the time. In addition, Saturn has 150 moonlets. Uranus has 27 moons and Neptune more than a dozen (the number Saturn/Jupiter was once supposed to have).
(What has poor ole Earth done to deserve just a solitary moon?)

A billion planets out there and we’re stuck on this one
So far 450+ extrasolar planets have been discovered (outside our solar system). Scientists estimate that there are more than a billion planets in our galaxy alone!
(With so many possible planets, a big Boo! to all those experts who claim that there is no chance of life elsewhere.)

Our sun may have a Nemesis…
The Nemesis Star Hypothesis states that a smaller star/sun (brown/red dwarf) may be circling the sun, making our solar system a binary star system!
(Two Suns, Two Lives, Two Loves, Two Chances, Two Gods…)

From 9th to almost Lakhon main ek
While everyone knows that Pluto has been downgraded, did you know that it is now merely a Kuiper Belt Object (KBO)? One estimate says that there are 70,000 KBOs of more than 100kms diameter! Plus Pluto is not even independent, but part of a binary system with Charon. And its new name is 134340 Pluto.
(Whatever made Pluto think that it could be a planet? It sure fooled us for 75 years!)

A humongous cloud where comets are born
Have you heard of the Oort Cloud? It’s far beyond the Kuiper Belt. That’s where comets are born. Large objects are pushed from this place to become comets with a tail as they come near the sun. How many objects are there which are larger than 1km? Trillions!
90377 Sedna, a potential Dwarf Planet may live here.
(Mujhe nahin maloom tha ki Hailey’s Comet ke itne saare bhai hai.)

Parting Shot: So the true picture of our solar system is four inner planets, followed by the Asteroid Belt with thousands of objects, followed by four outer planets with hundreds of moons and moonlets, followed by the Kuiper Belt with tens of thousands of objects, followed by the Oort Cloud with trillions of objects, followed by maybe another sun.
We are also surrounded by trillions of stars in the universe with billions of planets and millions of Black Holes.
Phew!

© Sunil Rajguru

So very typically Indian…

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• An organizing official comes at the centre of a busy traffic intersection and says, “Great. This is the perfect place to hold the function and set up a pandal.”

• A political party secretary receives a criminal charged with murder, kidnapping and looting and says, “Finally, a serious candidate for the elections.”

• The power company official comes out and smells wet soil and says, “Ah! The smell of incoming rain! It’s time to shut power for this area!”

• An employee who comes exactly on time, leaves exactly on time and spends the weekends with his family is frowned upon: We “unofficially” want slaves who will be camped in office all day and at our beck and call on weekends!

• The Prime Minister is about to hire a minister when he is told that he is computer literate, internet savvy and active on sites like Twitter. “Change of decision, we don’t want troublemakers!”

• A politician is ostracized by his community for not being corrupt: He doesn’t fit into the scheme of things and will throw a spanner in the perfectly functioning works.

• All the movies released are full of songs and focus on romance in some form or the other and yet all of them claim to be different.

• Thinking out of the box will make you out of sync with the people around you and eventually you will be out of the general scheme of things.

© Sunil Rajguru