Category Archives: 25 things (or less)

Things I don’t dig about the IPL

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It’s a Mad Ad World
How many ads can a cricket match take? I think this theory has been stretched to the max by IPL. It’s the height of irritation and I am surprised that most of the people are taking it lying down. (But then again, what can we do anyway?) All that is left is for an ad to be shown between a bowler releasing the ball and the batsman hitting it. Then there are those corny sponsored phrases like Citi Moment of Success…

Why is it soooo Loooooong?
In the 1996 ODI WC, there were 12 teams and every team had to play each other. On top of that there were quarter finals. That seemed way to long. In IPL, why does every team play each other twice? (OK, OK, I know: Home and way matches, but still…) But I wonder what will happen next year with nearly a 100 matches. IPL will go on for about 2.5 months. Where will they get the time in the ICC calendar? And will viewer interest continue till the end?

A case of Megalomodimania
Let’s get a few things clear. The English invented T20. The 2007 WC win popularized it in India. The ICL brought T20 club cricket in India. Then the BCCI’s resolve brought about IPL. Lalit Modi has great business acumen, but he happened to be at the right place at the right time. But it looks like Modi invented T20. He’s everywhere on TV and has an opinion on every little thing and looks like a control freak. And why are you telling us so much about the Kochi team on your Twitter account? Didn’t you check properly when you accepted the bid?

Over-the-top commentators
Listening to the commentators, one could be forgiven for thinking that the IPL is actually a World Cup that happens every 20 years. I’ve never seen them so enthusiastic and gush so much at each and every shot. Does the IPL pay far more that other tournaments? Money not only talks, but shouts.

Exorbitant Ticket Prices
Why are the ticket prices so high? Who buys them? And if they are sold out most of the time, then why do we still see empty stands?

© Sunil Rajguru

Sometimes I wonder…

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We all know that all our politicians are worth hundreds of crores.
Yet when they flaunt a few crores, we get rattled.

We all know that all our politicians are corrupt, which is a crime, hence they are all criminals.
But only the chargesheeted ones upset us.

We all frown on nepotism in every walk of life.
Yet one family has been ruling this country for more than half of its Independent existence and we know and accept that another sonrise is due.

If we meet 90% of our work targets, then we feel really bad.
But if politicians even meet 10% of their targets, we get very happy.

© Sunil Rajguru

7 steps to spend Rs 5000 crores…

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…if you are the head the most populous state of a fast growing developing country…

1. Convert national monument into heritage corridor = Rs 175 crores.
2. Build dozens of statues of self all over state = Rs 2000 crores.
3. Annual maintenance of parks to house these statues:
Rs 80 crores per annum X 5 years of power = Rs 400 crores.
4. Price of re-arranging traffic road infrastructure since some of these parks have resulted in the blocking of prominent roundabouts = Rs 370 crores.
5. Price of post retirement bungalow with government funds = Rs 50 crores.
6. Spend Rs 200 crores on a single rally.
Price of ten such rallies including this one = Rs 2000 crores.
7. Total so far: Rs 4995 crores.
Oops! 5 crores left!
What to do?
Just turn them into 1000 Rupee notes and convert them into a garland! Super idea!
All’s well that ends well!

Post Script: Tragedy just occurred, need ex-gratia payments.
Directive: Out of money. Petition Centre.

© Sunil Rajguru

7 reasons why you should stay off Indian pavements…

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street-dog-sleeping-4895362_1280…and walk on the roads instead…

• They are more dangerous. You can see the state of the roads and potholes and all, there is nothing to it. But the pavements are haphazard, risky and you never know when you’ll fall into a hidden hole or trip on something uneven.

• Shops have taken over the pavements for their commercial use and you are morally encroaching upon them when you walk on the pavements. It’s also their personal parking space.

• Dog poop. Dog poop. Dog poop. Wonder why the Indian dogs prefer pavements over roads and trees. Also in some cases, it could be a case of human poop too.

• Most pavements are next to houses and you never know when cleaning water or garbage will fall upon you. That’s another thing: In many places pavements are permanent garbage bins.

• Walking on tar is kinder on your knees than walking on cement.

• During jams, bikers get onto pavements. They will honk furiously and almost knock you down. For some strange reason, you get more respect from them if you walk on roads.

• You are an Indian right? So how can you think of doing anything the right way?

© Sunil Rajguru

Groups that might actually look forward to Global Warming…

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flood-62785_1280• Real Estate Agents Who Don’t Want New Land, But Simply Want Less At Much Higher Prices

• Moral Police Agitators Who Want Immoral Beaches to Just Sink and Vanish

• Freshwater Alarmists Who Will Be Delighted By So Much More Freshwater Formed By The Melting of Glaciers

• Life Forms in Cold Hostile Environments Yearning For a Change

• Fan and AC Companies Plagued With Continuously Shrinking Profits

• Camels And Scorpions Alarmed By Their Dwindling Habitat

• Ocean Travel Agents Who Wouldn’t Mind a Bit More Territory

© Sunil Rajguru

10 things I’d like to see end in 2010…

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The Kasab Saga
Punish him. Release him. Hang him. Extradite him to Pakistan. Let him write his autobiography. Make a Bollywood film on his life. Give him all the kebabs he wants. Whatever! Let’s get it over with and move on…

Andhra Pradesh Imbroglio
In 2009 YSR died in a plane crash. Then there was the Telangana crisis and the Tiwari tapes bang at the end of the year. I think the state deserves some nice peace and quiet this year. Needed is a firm hand from the Centre.

Swine Flu Alarm
Let’s just treat this like any other disease, please!

Commonwealth Games Drama
OK, here’s one that will come true! The Commonwealth Games are ending in October 2010. (Unless it goes to England at the last moment and we host it in 2014. Delhi will collapse under the controversy. Or maybe a new long-drawn controversy will begin after the Games end. Sigh!)

BJP Infighting
Vajpayee went. Advani is gone. Rajnath is gone. OK, can we begin a new chapter and have a sane two-party system in the country again? Let’s see how the Nitin Gadkari-Sushma Swaraj duo fare vis-a-vis their own partymen in 2010.

Obama Hype
He’s a great talker with great ideas. But I don’t want to hear another speech. I’d like to see the world changing because of him. The Hype has ended. People want Action. (I personally think India is worse off and more at danger thanks to the Af-Pak strategy)

Pak-US buddy-buddy statements
Pakistan is our best friend in the fight against terrorism and we are paying them x-billion dollars. Yawn!

The R word
Hope Recession well and truly ends by the end of 2010 and we generally have some good economic news.

Over the top TV News
I think this is too much to ask for. It will probably get worse in 2010.

Sarkozy-Carla-Berlusconi
Isn’t Nicolas Sarkozy the President of France and Carla Bruni the First Lady? Isn’t Silvio Berlusconi the Prime Minister of Italy? They’re political leaders right? Then why do I keep reading more of their personal lives? And why is the Indian media bothered anyway?

© Sunil Rajguru