It is actually the defence forces who gave us Independence.
1857—Sepoy Mutiny.
1946—Bombay Mutiny.
Both combined outweigh contribution of all other leaders.

Curious…
1973—Indira abolishes OROP.
1973-2004—No PM cares for it.
2004-14—Sonia promises it, does absolutely nothing.
2014-15—Modi starts working on OROP, yet gets maximum media flak!

Senior Congress leaders have already implemented ‪#‎OROP‬.
(One Raag Only Pappu)

The disconnect…
The defence forces have been asking for ‪#‎OROP‬ for 41 years.
Modi has been working on it for 1 year.

Pappu—‪#‎OROP‬ ka demand kaun laya? Congress!
Q—Kaise?
Pappu—Humne OROP hataya, isiliye to “demand” aaya!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Congress: We staged a walkout from Parliament!
Citizen: Think it’s time you staged a walkout from the country.

1930—Congress fights for Purna Swaraj.
2015— Congress fights Sushma Swaraj.

Political life begins at the age of 68…
Sonia agitates on the streets, shouts in the Lok Sabha and jumps into the well of the House.

Biggest achievement of May 16, 2014…
Sonia-Pappu doing street + fish-market style politics like aam politician.
Dynasty Sphinx crumbles.

2013—Narendra Modi BJP Old Guard Hatao Yojana kick started by Rajnath.
2014—Narendra Modi BJP Congress Hatao Yojana kick started by voters.
2015—Narendra Modi Dynasty Hatao Yojana kick started by Sushma.

Before…
Pappu to Modi—Sushma! Sushma! Sushma!
After…
Pappu to Sonia—Sush Ma! Sush Ma! Sush Ma!

Bunk work.
Abuse boss.
Abandon brains.
Screw logic.
Reduce productivity.
Scream in office.
Allege nonsense.
Eat cheap food.
Can’t be sacked.
‪#‎LokSabha‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

2014: Mummy can I put the final nail in the Congress coffin?
Sonia: OK beta!
2015: Mummy can I now start digging its grave?
Sonia: OK beta!

Sonia can make all the silly allegations she likes but nobody can even breathe serious allegations against her.
‪#‎NationalHerald‬ ‪#‎ChopperGate‬ ‪#‎Bofors‬ ‪#‎SoniaSisters‬ ‪#‎2G‬ ‪#‎Swamy‬

Media headlines before 2019 polls…
Pappu comes of age.
Relaunched Pappu rocks Modi.
BJP afraid of revamped Pappu.
Pappu for PM!
‪#‎TrueStory‬

Give a word usage of infinite…
The Indian mainstream media can relaunch Pappu an infinite number of times.

One Country One Party One Dynasty.
India = Congress = Pappu.

1. Chhotta Bheem at 8pm.
2. Try Silk Bubbly.
3. Finalize Bangkok trip.
4. Finish Noddy book.
5. Call Diggy Uncle.
(Other side of Pappu’s chit)

(Pappu) Gandhiji’s three monkeys…
1. See no logic.
2. Hear no logic.
3. Speak no logic.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Yesterday…
We can snatch draw from the jaws of innings victory.
Today…
We can snatch defeat from the jaws of innings victory.

At every emigration counter…
Official—Do you have anything you want to leave behind?
Indian cricketers—Yes, our Test playing abilities!

If the opposition is 99-9 chasing 300 in Tests, then you still can’t put your money on India.

How did you celebrate independence and freedom today?
Indian batsmen—By playing free and independent shots and getting out!
‪#‎IndependenceDay‬ ‪#‎IndVsSL‬ ‪#‎Galle‬

From 2011-15, India has 2 ICC tournament victories and 2 foreign Test victories.

Foreign Tests…
Sachin-Dravid-VVS failed in 2011.
Dhoni failed in 2013-14.
Kohli failed in 2015.
‪#‎NoHope‬

BCCI logic…
Rohit is 28.
He will score a couple of Test triples one day.
That’s why we have to play him for 10 years till he does that!

BCCI’s top priorities…
1. Cash.
2. IPL.
3. ODIs.
4. T20s.
5. Home Tests.
6. Away Tests.
Don’t expect a change—it is doing spectacularly by its own standards!

If Srini is watching the Galle Test now, he’ll be saying…
Mere Dhoni main kya burai thi?

Rohit Sharma in Tests…
1. Struggles at home.
2. Struggles away.
3. Struggles against spin.
4. Struggles against pace.
5. Struggles while defending.
6. Struggles while attacking.
Talent quotient 10/10, expect a Test triple in 2017.

No matter how many chances you give Rohit Sharma in an innings or in a career, he will still throw them away.

Three spinners in the Playing XI and no Sir Jadeja even in the squad.
The times they are a changing!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pradhan Mantri sir!
Please! Delhi students ko mera naam likhne deejiye.
Dilli students mera theek naam likh rahe hai.
—Kejri Baba.

AAP pareshaan karte rahe,
Hum Kejri ka naam likhte rahe.
—Delhi students on I Day.

Congress doesn’t follow but worship Sonia.
Students form Kejri’s name on India’s I-day.
Key learning: Modi is Fascist.

Expectation…
Main aam aadmi hu!
Reality…
Is zameen se aasman tak, raaston se kaarwah tak, main hi main hu main hi main hu.
‪#‎IDayKejri‬

Students make Kejri’s name on I-Day.
–>Kejri is a megalomaniac!
AAP—But Sheila did it too!
–>OK, one megalomaniac replaced another in Delhi!

At this rate…
2014—67 MLAs.
2019—67 chargesheeted MLAs.

The ABC of 2011’s India Against Corruption…
A—AAP = Arvind Kejriwal, Prashant Bhushan, Yogendra Yadav
B—BJP = Baba Ramdev and Kiran Bedi.
C—Congress = Indirect support, support to AAP government and Shanti Bhushan = Ex-Congress.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru