Daily Archives: April 1, 2015

Freedom quotes from India’s Second Independence movement…

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If 1947 gave us a Congress government, 2011 gave us an AAP government…
Some befitting modified slogans…

Tum mujhe vote do, main tumhe nautanki doonga.

Long years ago, we made a tryst with nautanki and now the time comes when we shall redeem our pledge… At the stroke of the midnight hour, when India develops, Delhi will awake to nautanki and absurdity.

Nautanki is your birth right and you shall have it!

First they (TV news channels) hype you, then they (pretend to) fight you, then they (make everyone) vote for you, then the TRP ratings win.

Nautanki Zindabad.

Quit Governance.

Nautanki karo ya maro.

Kaam haram hai.

A nautanki for a nautanki will only end up making the world fully entertained.

Be the nautanki that you want to see in the world.

Nautanki Jayate.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

#AAP history repeats itself first as a tragedy and then as a farce…

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2013-14…
Media—Behold! Kejriwal is the Messiah!
AAP does well in Delhi polls.
Kejriwal becomes Chief Minister.
Kejriwal implodes, media blasts Kejriwal.

2015…
Media—Behold! Kejriwal is still the Messiah!
AAP does exceedingly well in Delhi polls.
Kejriwal becomes Chief Minister.
Kejriwal-AAP everything totally implodes, media blasts Kejriwal.

2020…
Media—Behold! Forget the past and know that Kejriwal is still the Messiah!
AAP…

© Sunil Rajguru

Hell will freeze over, but not the nautanki…

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Annaji ke teen bandar…
Kejri: Do only nautanki.
YoYa: See only nautanki.
PrBh: Hear only nautanki.
Latest: YoYa & PrBh tired of just seeing and hearing.

A nautanki a day keeps Doctor Governance away.
—The CM in charge of Patient Delhi.

Kejri evolution…
AK-28.
AK-49.
AK-67.
AK-Zero.

Kejri thinking, “I can’t believe it! Things have been going to plan for 4 years running. I knew people were dumb, but not this dumb!”

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Pakistan cricket crisis musings…

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Pak Chief Selector—I don’t care, I want a second Misbah!
Selection committee searches records and finds Azhar Ali (65%) has a lower ODI career strike rate than Misbah (74%) and makes him captain.

Misbah-ul-Haq is the greatest Test batsman in the history of ODI cricket.
AB de Villiers is the greatest T20 batsman in the history of ODI cricket.
Virender Sehwag is the greatest ODI batsman in the history of Test cricket.

How Afridi was selected for 5 World Cups despite flopping miserably…
1999—Baccha hai, seekha jaayega!
2003—Baccha hai, seekha jaayega!
2007—Baccha hai, seekha jaayega!
2011—Baccha hai, seekha jaayega!
2015—Baccha hai, seekha jaayega!
2019—Baccha hai, seekha jaayega!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

March 2015 Status Updates…

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Modi—Swacch Bharat Abhiyan.
Pappu—Swacch Videsh Abhiyan.
Kejri—Swacch AAP Abhiyan.
Aus—Swacch World Cup Abhiyan.

(March 29)

It has taken 61 years.
But the Bharat Ratna is finally in the hands of a politician who was never part of the Congress.
‪#‎ABVajpayee‬

(March 27)

Before, when Netanyahu looked to be losing…
Obama: I will deal with the next Israeli Prime Minister.
Now…
Netanyahu: I will deal with the next US President.

(March 23)

Why aren’t you protesting the Land Acquisition Act all over India?
Pappu: I am busy working on the Congress Acquisition Act to become President and take charge.

(March 22)

Number of regions Pakistan can’t control no matter how hard it tries…
Kashmir.
Afghanistan.
Balochistan.
Punjab.
Sindh.
Khyber Pakhtunkhwa.
Gilgit–Baltistan.
FATA.

(March 21)

The Holy Trinity of Cricketing Jokes…
Jadeja, Ishant and Rohit.

What if newspapers carried only edits, columns and opinion pieces on the front page and most pages?
Well that’s exactly the average Indian TV news channel for you.

(March 19)

Ireland: 3 wins.
England: 2 wins.
Zimbabwe: 1 win.
Guess which team has been kicked out of World Cup 2019 after that performance.

(March 15)

The truth is that despite everything, Pappu and Kejri will still be sold as great Prime Ministerial candidates in 2019.

(March 13)

What after iWatch?
In 50 years…
iClothes iShoes iGlasses iFridge iTV iSofa iCar iHome iPlane iMoney iSpaceship iGovernment iPlanet…

1991: Singh is Reform King.
2004: Singh is Wild Card King.
2009: Singh is King.
2015: Singh is Coalgate King.

All in all it’s just another “300 brick” in the 2015 World Cup wall.
‪#‎ScoVsSL‬ ‪#‎CWC2015‬ ‪#‎300pe300‬

(March 11)

Rohit gets out on 64.
Thinks: Waise bhi aaj koi double century ka chance nahin tha!
‪#‎IndVsIre‬ ‪#‎CWC2015‬

Common man: Lakhpati.
Middle class: Crorepati.
Businessman: Arabpati.
Industrialist: Kharabpati.
Scamster: Neelpati.

(March 10)

India + Pakistan + Sri Lanka + Bangladesh + Afghanistan.
England + Ireland + Scotland.
That’s 8 teams forming the British Empire versus the Indian sub-continent.

Don’t mock England—it wins one World Cup in every sport once in its life…
1966: FIFA World Cup.
2003: Rugby World Cup.
2010: T20 World Cup.
Next: Hockey?

(March 9)

Dear minnows,
You have been ruled out of World Cup 2019, not 2015!
Start playing please!
‪#‎AusVsAfg‬ ‪#‎PakVsUAE‬ ‪#‎IreVsSA‬ ‪#‎Cricket‬

After giving a great fight in the first half of the World Cup, minnows back to…
How much do you want us to improve your run rate?
‪#‎PakVsUAE‬ ‪#‎IreVsSA‬

Today’s World Cup match…
Team 1: We are Sharjah.
Team 2: We just don’t want to be Harjah!
‪#‎PakVsUAE‬ ‪#‎Cricket‬

(March 4)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru