· I think it should be mandatory for the Chairman of the Press Council of India to have a degree in journalism.
· Sweet Dish: Kaju Katli.
Journo’s favourite sweet dish: Katju Kat-le.
· Media houses have a journalistic license.
Most journalists have a journalism degree/diploma.
Justice Katju, sadly, has neither.
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
· Khurshid to Marines: Tum Italy jaoge to sahi, magar waapis kaise aaoge?
Marines to Italian Government: I think he doesn’t want us to return!
· US: Americans first. Italy: Italians first…
Indian Government: Err… since all the first places have been taken, we guess it’s Indians Last.
· Consequence=Merely an effect.
Doing nothing can be a consequence.
Sleeping can be a consequence.
Manmohan: Consequences if Italian Marines are not sent.
· Dear Manmohan,
“Unacceptable” is something you don’t accept, not something you say after accepting it.
· Not Khurshid’s fault. When Marines left, he told Italian Government…
“Woh jaayein Italy, woh aayein Italy, lekin laut kar bhi aayein Italy se!”
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
· Yet another profession ruined by PowerPoint.
(4 Aussie cricketers sacked for not submitting report)
· Arthur takes the mickey out of the Aussie cricket players.
· CA: We believe each player should list 3 ways in which their individual performance can be improved. What about you?
BCCI: We just believe in just 3 letters!
CA: Eh?
BCCI: I-P-L. They add value to our coffers. (P.S. We still have the WC till 2015)
· Who is coaching Cricket Australia?
A. Mickey Arthur?
B. Mickey Mouse?
C. King Arthur?
· Arthur takes the mickey out of the Aussie cricket players.
· Pattinson: Here mate, take 8 wickets for the first 2 Tests.
Clarke: Thanks mate! Wickets are pure gold here!
Arthur: Hey where’s my report!
Pattinson: But I’m not a reporter!
Arthur: You’re Out!
Clarke: How did he get out?
Pattinson: I’m Stumped!
© Sunil Rajguru
∙ Whenever Progress gets too much, Fate puts obstacles in the way to check it.
The latest ones are Facebook and Twitter.
∙ If March 8 is Women’s Day, then the remaining 364 days are men’s days.
If November 14 is Children’s Day, then the remaining 364 days are adult’s days.
We will be truly civilized when every world citizen feels that every day is hers or his.
∙ Newsmakers yesterday: Will it impact the world?
Then: Will it impact the newspapers and TV channels?
Now: Will it impact the status messages?
∙ The Indian cricket fans’ goodwill is like the stock market, you never know which cricketers stock will crash and which will rise.
∙ You’ve heard of the 80:20 principle?
Well India works on the 99.80:0.20% principle.
99.80% of India has to put up with the bullshit of the remaining 0.20% all the time.
∙ True global democracy has arrived in cyberspace.
Now each and every one of us has friends, connections and even followers…
© Sunil Rajguru
1947: Only Motilal’s son can save the nation.
1966: Only Motilal’s granddaughter can save the nation.
1984: Only Motilal’s great grandson can save the nation.
2014: Only Motilal’s great great grandson can save the nation.
Coming soon: Motilal’s great great great grandchildren have been born, so they will eventually become saviours too.
Elsewhere…
1948: Sheikh Abdullah will save Kashmir.
1984: Sheikh Abdullah’s son will save Kashmir.
2009: Sheikh Abdullah’s grandson will save Kashmir.
But there’s hope…
1967: Congress loses power for the first time in multiple States.
1977: Congress loses power for the first time at the Centre.
1984: Last time the Congress gets a majority on its own at the Centre.
1991: Last time the Congress forms a Government on its own at the Centre.
2004: First time a Nehru-Gandhi dynasty member cannot become PM despite having the numbers.
2014: Let’s hope many more records are created in this year…
© Sunil Rajguru
Rahul Gandhi: If I get married and have children, I will be status-quoist and will like my children to take my place.
Unsaid: The Dynasty is the status quo of India. It flourished before you, it is flourishing through you right now and it will flourish through Priyanka and her family even after you. All your talk is empty like this.
Shashi Tharoor: At school, we learnt to answer the questions. At college, we learnt to question the answers. Some of us went further, and questioned the questions.
Unsaid: And now you’ve gone even further: Your government arrests those asking the questions!
Justice Katju: 90% Indians are stupid.
Unsaid: The more you speak, the more people are convinced that you’re in the 90%.
Rahul Bose: We have to ask ourselves of the five or six of the rapists of the December 16, is there anyone who wants to change, who wants to reform…
Unsaid: A fraction of those raped go to the police. A fraction of those successfully fight it out in courts. A fraction of those secure convictions. Now you want even that microscopic minority to get away through change and reform?
Sheila Dixit: Even my daughter feels unsafe in New Delhi.
Unsaid: Why, has her VVIP security cover been revoked?
Sheila Dixit: If power bills are more, use less power.
Unsaid: If petrol prices are high, walk. If food prices are high, starve…
Rahul Gandhi: Power is poison.
Unsaid: That makes the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty the biggest antidote to poison in the world!
These versions by Sunil Rajguru