· What if there is a state-wise anti-incumbency in 2014.
Karnataka votes against BJP, WB against Trinamool, TN against ADMK, UP against SP…
Congress still wins!

· 42,000 white money crorepatis.
420,000 Swiss Bank crorepatis?
4,200,000 black money crorepatis?
(Focus firmly on first 3 digits in each case)

· Chidambaram “rises” to present the budget.
That’s the only thing that will “rise” in the economy from now to the general elections.

· The economy is stagnant.
Will you be able to “budge it” forward Mr Chidambaram?

· “I have cut the scam!” Jointly Po Che! (JPC)

(February 28)

· Do you believe in Free Speech?
Hillary Clinton: No I believe in Expensive Speech.
(5 speeches per million dollars, to be exact!)

(February 27)

· If there was an offline version of Section 66A for politicians, all of them would have been in jail by now.

· What? No Minister of State for IRCTC?

(February 26)

· Cogito Argo Sum (I think I’ll win the Oscar, therefore I will)—Ben Affleck.
(For Best Picture)

(February 25)

· Peter Principle: Everyone rises to his level of incompetence.
Congress Principle: Our leaders rise way above their incompetence levels.

(February 22)

· Terrorism has only one colour.
Red.
The colour of the blood of victims.

· Riots. Hunger. Malnutrition. Female infanticide. State violence. Lawlessness. Inaction. Indifference. Naxalism. Terrorism… What is an Indian life worth?

· The US had one 9/11.
India has hundreds of mini 9/11s.
What else can you expect when the rulers are too busy with scams and votebank politics?

· South Korea: When is 5G coming?
New Zealand: When is 4G coming?
India: When is 3G scam coming?

(February 21)

· If Ajmal Kasab had been given a last wish, it would probably had been to see RGV’s The Attacks of 26/11.

· The BJP will suffer great BSYchological damage in Karnataka this year.

· Airlines Rule of 2: Either the airline stock prices are crashing or their ticket fares are crashing.

· Buddhi bandh. Rozi roti bandh. Economy bandh. Good politics bandh. Work bandh. Education bandh. Logic bandh. Non-violence bandh…

(February 20)

· Crime…
Yesterday: Lock him up!
Today: Block his URL up!

· Manmohan is an Economist who plays politics and a Politician who severely economizes his vision and strategy.

· By 35, cricketers retire; by 40 many people face a mid-life crisis; by 60 most are retired.
But for most Indian politicians, life begins at the age of 60!

· 1989. Bofors! VP Singh: Rajiv tu to gaya!
2014. 2G-Coalgate-CWG-Satyam-Choppergate-Tatra… BJP: Sigh! Too many cooks spoil the broth!

(February 19)

· Boyzone: It’s only words, and words are all I have, to take your heart away.
RahulBoyWonder: It’s only words, and words are all I have, to take your vote away.

· In the West, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
In India, nothing is certain but hangings, tax evasions and scams.

(February 18)

· In your car’s odometer, when you clock 100000 kms, it gets reset to Zero.
India’s scam meter has been reset to Zero.
Get ready for UPA3 to begin the journey again!

· Moore’s Law: The number of transistors on ICs doubles every 2 years.
Congress’ law: The size of the biggest scam on our watch increases 10-fold every 5 years.

· Paap ka ghada bhar ke overflow ho raha hai aur kamra bhi flooded ho gaya aur abhi bhi scams pe scams aaye jaa rahe hai.

· Runner: I’m running a marathon.
President: I’m running a hangathon.

(February 17)

· The ultimate fast track court is Twitter.
A case is taken up, discussed threadbare and dismissed on the very same day.

Will the last Die Hard movie be called…
Finally Dead, And That Too Hard!

· Pranabda, howz life?
Oh, it’s just going from one Hungama to another ‘Hang’ama!

· A long time ago Pranabda decided to book a ticket from IRCTC.
That’s when it hung and it’s been hanging ever since.
Mercy on us!

(February 16)

· Weatherman: It’s really really cold this year.
Subrata Roy: I know! All my accounts have got frozen!

(February 14)

· Most status messages are illegal: Sibal.
Skype video calls are illegal: BSNL.
Lok Sabha to Indian Netizens: I hardly have any criminals as compared to you!

(February 13)

· Q: What did Kim Jong-un say after blasting a Nuke?
A: Whheeeeeeee!
(Just 29: The world’s youngest nuclear blaster.)

· Old: Ulta chor kotwaal ko daatein.
New: India main kotwaal hi chor hota hai.

· Jab prosecutor-accused raazi, tab pakegi 2G ki bhaaji.

· The President of India is probably the busiest man in the world doing absolutely nothing.

(February 12)

· Americans can tell their Government to go to hell.
Their Government can send any country to hell.
Indian citizens have to just shut the hell up.
And their Government is too scared to even tell any country to go to hell.

· Tomorrow they’ll impose Section 144 in the online world and say more than 5 people can’t comment on a single status message.

(February 5)

· A natural calamity cutting off many areas, a Prez winning thanks to votes of all minorities, a power cut during the top sporting event… ye India hai ya US?

· N Korea stands for Nuclear Korea: That’s the only thing that the world worries about, not its dictatorship and poverty.
Similarly it’ll be IraN, where N=Nuclear.

· In 1947, India got Independence from the Angrez.
In 2014, India will get Independence from the Congrez.

· In the IPL, if a batsman scores a few ducks and is dropped for the season, then his Rupees per Runs income will be Infinite.

(February 4)

· Try disappearing from office for 10 days: You’ll be sacked.
From home: Your family will panic like crazy.
But leave Facebook: No-one will notice.

· Rahul made VP: Settles succession issue once and for all.
Dhoni made VP: Settles that there will be no succession after him any time soon.

(February 2)

© Sunil Rajguru