Excess rain woes: Pray.
Poverty: All you need is Rs 33.
Hunger: Eat in Re 1.
Terrorism: IM doesn’t exist.
Offline protestors: Maoists.
Online protestors: Trolls.
Spokespersons: Angels.
Bad economy: Statistics prove otherwise.
China-Pakistan: Who cares?
India’s problems: Only the Opposition.
What’s really wrong: Nothing.
© Sunil Rajguru
· Pappu shows Congress workers a social networking tool called Khidki even as voters are readying to show them the Darwaza.
· The Congress copyrighted Secularism and Socialism in 1947.
That’s why we all can’t criticize it despite its many communal riots, minority appeasements and destruction of the economy…
· I think the Congress is confident because at the very last moment they are getting Dhoni for election campaigning.
· Congress is confident.
2004: UPA1 won for no reason.
2009: UPA2 won for no reason.
2014: So why can’t UPA3 also win for no reason?
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
· Pappu to Congressmen: Behave yourselves! We are the most arrogant party in India!
Result: #AditiRestaurant
· Pappu lives in a magical world and still thinks that India is beautiful…
His theme song…
Udhar tum haseen ho, idhar dil jawaan hai…
· Nirman=Under construction.
The actual slogan is…
Ho Raha Hai Pappu Nirman!
These versions by Sunil Rajguru
Questionnaire: Fill in the blanks.
Topic: Congress.
Q1: It is secular because __________ (Maximum communal riots have taken place under its rule)
Q2: It is tough on terror because __________ (It blames the Opposition for terror instead of enemies and terror groups)
Q3: It has a great foreign policy because __________ (It doesn’t stand up to Pakistan, China or Pakistan or anyone else for that matter)
Q4: It is democratic because __________ (It is a very strong believer of dynasty and is the only party to have imposed Emergency. Plus all party presidents behave like dictators)
Q5: It strongly believes in merit because __________ (It is a very strong believer of all dynasties)
Q6: It strongly believes in India’s federal structure because __________ (Believes strongly in Article 356, uses the CBI to settle scores, Ref: Mulayam)
Q7: It strongly believes in all of India’s institutions because __________ (Its PM refused to accept an HC verdict, it diluted the office of the CEC, it rubbished the CAG…)
© Sunil Rajguru
· India’s terror equation…
Left-inspired Naxalism
+ Indira Gandhi backed Bhindranwale
+ Khurshid lawyer for SIMI
+ Laloo parades Osama look-alike for polls
= BJP supports terrorism.
· Congress: We are fixing our biggest problems!
Q: Corruption? Terrorism? Inflation? Economy?
Congress: No! No! Modi. BJP. RSS. Baaki sab bhaad main jaaye!
· Manmohan: Are these Chinese excursions serious?
Official: No sir, it’s just a case of “Aaya cheen gaya cheen”.
· Official: Chinese excursions!
MMS: Stop playing cricket with them!
Official: But we don’t play with them!
MMS: Wow! So action already taken!
· Reality…
2009: Congress probably led BJP 20-0.
Since then the BJP has done nothing and Congress has been busy scoring own-goals.
That’s why the BJP is “close” now.
· Manmohan Singh is still in mute mode.
All he has done is thrown incomprehensible numbers at us.
The words are still invisible.
· Peter Principle…
Every one rises to his level of incompetence and stays there.
#ManmohanSingh #PrimeMinister #NineYears
· What MMS really said on economy…
Basic fundamentals are sound (the alarm bugle!) and stable (for scams).
· Somewhere down the line Manmohan has forgotten even the spellings of both Economy and Politics.
This version by Sunil Rajguru
· How the Government runs the Economy Marathon…
First 4.5 years: 20 kms race walk, albeit leisurely.
Last 0.5 years: 100 metres dash.
· Last telegram discovered.
It was lying in the dustbin.
Because it was blank.
Then they realized that MMS had sent it.
· Some say that the Bofors probe died on July 13, 2013.
But the question is: Was it ever really born?
#Quattrocchi
· Sonia: Who is our best speaker?
A: Tharoor.
Sonia: Who is the most sincere sounding?
A: Maken.
Sonia: OK, Modify both of them!
· Pappu re-interpretation No. 23…
If power is poison, then are all politicians snakes?
· Congress High Command orders…
Bharat gaya tel lene, Gujarat par aakraman karo!
· Even if Diggy Raja called Modi a Martian, he’d still be mobbed by serious looking reporters for details and TV anchors would hold panel discussions over it.
· Effectively…
Sir, Ishrat is a burning issue, shouldn’t you come clean?
Shinde: Nahin yaar, maine Amreeka ke saath God promise kiya tha!
· There was a time I used to love listening to Shashi Tharoor and Ajay Maken, but both of them have lost it with this latest Rambogiri, sorry, spokesmangiri.
· Tum maino ya na maino, ye desh ka abhi bahut hi boora haal hai…
These versions by Sunil Rajguru