Short Takes Jun-Aug 2010

· Once, they thought malaria came from swamps and marshlands. Now thanks to Dr Raj, we know better. Nobel Prize for Medicine anyone?

· Corruption is Common in India. Wealth is black all around. Yet we get alarmed only when the Game is exposed.

· Facebook Privacy = Still pretty bad Publicity

(August 3)

· Social Networking Motto: Virtual Company is better than No Company

(August 1)

· Commonblackwealth Games
(July 31)

· Current Post: Chief Damager of Indian Railways. Future Post: Chief Damager of the State of West Bengal. Advice: Emigrate by 2011. Caution: Fly out, don’t take train…

(July 24)

· Coming Soon: Wanted, Global Cut. Americans Anderson and Headley wanted in India. Lanka’s Devananda wanted. Dozens of Pak alleged terrorists wanted…

·  Difference in perspective: The US and Indian Governments thought that Anderson and Carbide employees were the victims of Bhopal Gas Tragedy.

(June 10)

·  Indian Maths: 0.5 million victims + 15000 deaths + 25 years delay + Endless Trauma = 2 years

· Revelation #23: Actually I have a minority stake in Modi’s company which has a minority stake in Srinivasan’s company… and I gifted my stake to Supriya, so I’m clean and it was a surprise gift, so she doesn’t know yet. Aai shapath!

· B.. B.. Bengal B.. B..Basu, B.. B.. Bhattacharya aur abhi B.. B.. Banerjee ke Beech Bebas hai… Bhagwan Bhadralok ko Bachaye!

(June 7)

· Meetha hai khana aaj pahali tareek hain, meetha hai khana aaj doosri tareek hain… meetha hai khana aaj teeswi tareek hain… roz chocolate khao na yaar, ye pahali tareek ka kya funda hai?

· Tharoor-Modi Finding #45: A Tweet for a Tweet will only make all the Twits lose their jobs.

(June 6)

· Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the dirtiest of them all? The mirror just cracked, IPL is too much for it to handle.

· Mystery solved. Sri Sri: Oh God! Police: Oh Dog!

· Will Twitter ever see inflation and the number of characters go up to 160 or 180?

· Looks like Obama has got indigestion after eating Pak food for so long that he’s dying to eat Indian chapatis.

· In the 1970s, West Bengal had Ray. But no light. Then came Jyoti. And darkness. Followed by Buddha. No enlightenment. On the cards is Mamata. But I don’t think the Spirit of Love is exactly going to pervade the State for the next 5-6 years.

(June 5)

· Ignorance Premier League: The Wheelers and Dealers themselves don’t know that they are involved with the IPL!

· Cross my heart. My name is not Supriya Sule. I don’t know Sharad Pawar. And… err… what is cricket?

(June 4)

· West Bengal. Congress-Dark Ages. Left-Super Dark Ages. Mamata-Super Duper Dark Ages. I really admire the resilience of the state.

(June 1)

© Sunil Rajguru

The truth about Pak terrorism…

Pak: I know.

US: I know.

Pak: I know that you know.

US: I know that you know.

Pak: I know that you know that I know.

US: I know that you know that I know.

India: I know. Everyone knows. I know that you all know. Everyone knows that you all know. We also know that we can do absolutely nothing about it.

Rest of the World: The cup of knowledge is full. We don’t want to know anymore.

Post Script: Looks like WikiLeaks just joined the “I Know Club”. More leaks around the corner…

P.P.S.: Ignorance is bliss. Knowledge is Useless.

This Version By Sunil Rajguru

Spotted on a Facebook Deewar

Mere paas gadi hai, bangla hai, bank balance hai… tumhare paas kya hai?
Mere paas Facebook account hai.

Followed by…

Bhai tum login karoge ya nahi?
Haan, main login karoonga, lekin main akela login nahi karoonga… main sabse pehle login nahi karoonga…. jao pehle us aadmi se login karao, jisne mere baap ko Facebook addict banaya tha; pehle us aadmi se login karao jisne meri maa ko Orkut par anshan comments likhe the aur har ek social networking site se nikal diya tha; pehle us aadmi ka login karao jisne mere haath pe ye ye (“Mera baap Facebook addict hai”) likh diya tha. Uske baad… uske baad, mere bhai, tu jitne baar Facebook pe login karne ko bolega, main karunga…

(This Version: Sunil Rajguru)

Random Thoughts 20

• How does a thing become eco-friendly if you paint it green? Don’t green paint and green ink also degrade the environment? Plus the sky is blue, snow is white, the oceans are blue, the sand is yellow…
The logo for Nature should be a rainbow, not green, which has lost all meaning anyway.

• In India a baby is born every second and a Breaking News item born every two seconds.

• Offline doesn’t mean Deadline.
24/7 online usually means that you are dead from the real world.

• Virtual Unreality: What the computer world actually is…
(Virtual is the opposite of real. Unreal is also the opposite of real… Two double negatives = ?)

• Old dilemma: Does he chuck or not?
New dilemma: Should he be called a chucker or not?

© Sunil Rajguru

The Facebook Champi Song

(Please sing to the tune of Pyaasa’s Sar Jo Tera Chakraaye, made immortal by the sublime Johnny Walker)

Sar jo tera chakraye,
Ya dil dooba jaaye,
Aaja pyaare paas hamare,
Kaahe ghabraye,
Kaahe ghabraye.

Site mera hai masti,
Duniya ka No. 3 basti,
Jis ke dil main jadu phira doon,
Hardam timewaste ho uski.

Sun sun sun, arre beta sun,
Is Facebook main bade bade gun,
Sun sun sun, arre beta sun,
Is Facebook main bade bade gun,

Lakh comments ka ek tareeka hai,
Kyu na aazmaye, kaahe ghabraye.

Life jo tera chakraye,
Ya career dooba jaaye,
Aaja pyaare login karle, kaahe ghabraye.

Pyar ka hove jhagda,
Ya office ka non-stop ragda,
Sab lafdon ko public kare jab,
Limelight milega tagda.

Sun sun sun, arre beta sun,
Is Facebook main bade bade gun,
Sun sun sun, arre beta sun,
Is Facebook main bade bade gun.

Lakh comments ka ek tareeka hai,
Kyu na aazmaye, kaahe ghabraye.

Naukar ho ya malik,
Leader ho ya public,
Apne aage sabhi jhuke hain,
Ab raj karega Facebook.

Sun sun sun, arre beta sun,
Is Facebook main bade bade gun,
Sun sun sun, arre beta sun,
Is Facebook main bade bade gun.

Lakh comments ka ek tareeka hai,
Kyu na aazmaye, kaahe ghabraye.

This Spoof By Sunil Rajguru

(Original Song: Sar Jo Tera Chakraaye
Film: Pyaasa
Year: 1957)