∙ If Mahesh Bhatt makes a romantic autobiographical film, will he call it Mohabhatt?
∙ Katrina Kaif is starring in the Indian version of Mission: Impossible.
Her Mission? To Act!
∙ Emraan Hashmi should just change his name to Emraan Kissme.
(And is his theme song… Don’t talk just kiss… ?)
∙ If Vidya means education, then does Vidya Balan now mean sex education?
© Sunil Rajguru
So much time is passing between Sachin’s 99th and 100th international century, that we can now officially call it the “99To100 Era”.
Let’s take a look at the earth-shattering events have already taken place in this Era so far…
India wins ODI World Cup after 28 years… Osama finally captured and killed… Gaddafi toppled and killed after 42 years… Left rule ends in West Bengal after 34 years… Anna Hazare August Kranti… Lokpal Bill fails in Rajya Sabha… Djokovic becomes No. 1 to end Federer-Nadal Era … F1 comes to India… Amitabh becomes grandfather… Will-Kat wedding… Indian bowler (Ashwin) takes fiver and scores century in Test after 40 years… Ponting gets Test century after 2 years… Iraq war finally ends… Mars mission launched…
The following people passed away…
Sathya Sai Baba, Steve Jobs, MAK Pataudi, Jagjit Singh, Bhupen Hazarika, Shammi Kapoor, Joe Frazier, MF Hussain, Elizabeth Taylor, Amy Winehouse, Suresh Tendulkar, Kim Jong-il, Dev Anand, Socrates, Václav Havel, Christopher Hitchens, Mario Miranda, Sultan Khan, Gary Speed…
(And to think he was on 85 after surviving about half a dozen dropped catches and a UDRS reversal in the same month as his 99th century and there would have been no era.)
© Sunil Rajguru
Overheard…
Beware of the Indian cricket fan… like a fan he has blades which can cut you to pieces…
∙ Theme song at Perth… WACA WACA ei o… this time for India…
∙ Sachin please score your Mahashatak fast so that we can declare this wretched series and go home…
∙ The whole team looks really tired… they are probably tired of waiting for the Mahashatak…
© Sunil Rajguru
∙ Nowadays there are a lot of quota-ble quotes in the election speeches.
∙ In politics first there were wheels within wheels.
Nowadays there are quotas within quotas.
Overheard…
Q: What’s the first thing you’ll do if you come to power in UP?
A: Make sure that the covers never come off Maya’s statues!
∙ PM: Actually I’m more worried about malnutrition in FDI.
© Sunil Rajguru
Bowling coach (Before match): Remember, no matter what happens, don’t get injured!
Bowling coach (After match): But you had to take wickets too!
Indian fan to God: If Sachin doesn’t get his Mahashatak, then I don’t care what happens in the series!
Indian fan (Later): Err… that’s not what I meant!
Umpire: Here’s my finger!
Indian cricketer: Here’s mine too!
Indian fan: Go jump in the lake!
Indian management: Go jump in the kart!
First Indian fan: Imagine what Test cricket will be like once the Big 3 retires.
Second Indian fan: What’s there to imagine when we can see it so clearly!
Indian fan: I don’t care for cricket anymore!
Indian cricketer: Neither do I!
© Sunil Rajguru
Early to bed and early to rise…
…will make you go totally out of sync with your family, friends and the new millennium lifestyle.
Drinking loads and loads of water…
…will only ensure that you go to the bathroom regularly.
Saying no to junk, alcohol, eating out and snacking regularly…
…will make sure you lead a life where you’ll die early of total boredom.
Gymming regularly…
…is a sure way of wasting time and totally stressing yourself out without even having fun!
An apple a day…
…will make sure you die of starvation. You need other foodstuffs too, right?
Avoiding long and regular tea and coffee breaks on health grounds…
…will isolate you, make you miss out on office gossip, leading to depression, which will have to be treated anyway.
Wanting to sleep early and not watch late night television…
…will force you to lie for hours in the dark listening to other people’s TVs on high volume.
© Sunil Rajguru