![pakistan-895319_640](http://www.sunilrajguru.com/"wp-content/uploads"/2012/01/pakistan-895319_640.jpg)
…based on the people who are calling the shots in the country…
P – Politicians
A – Army
K – Kashmiri Militants
I – ISI
S – Supreme Court
T – Taliban
A – America
N – Nuclear Scientists
This version by Sunil Rajguru
Prime Minister: Army chief problems… Supreme Courts raps… Corruption charges… Maybe a new President this year… Say it one more time: I am an honest and independent head of state… Nobody can remote control me… Running a coalition government is tough…
Errr… who’s speaking: Manmohan Singh or Yousaf Raza Gilani?
∙ One Indian player to another: OK, now Indian Test cricket is in serious trouble.
Our ad endorsement rates are falling!
∙ Umpire: This is your last warning if you don’t go faster, then you could face a one-match ban.
Captain (to himself): Good idea to get out of this dratted losing streak. As it is the board will never give me rest.
(To his bowlers): OK guys, forget the over rate, wickets are important!
∙ Indian Board official: Right, we are here to discuss Indian Test cricket’s biggest crisis in decades. Matches are getting over in just 3-4 days! We are losing so much revenue in terms of telecast days!
© Sunil Rajguru
UPA1: Left left.
UPA2: Mamatata?
The Perfect Sibal Society
The NDA found a lot of things offensive.
The UPA finds even more things offensive.
Diggy Raja finds the very existence of RSS & Anna offensive.
The minorities may find this offensive and the majority may find that offensive.
I find you offensive and you find me offensive.
Let’s go ahead and remove everything that anyone finds remotely offensive and very soon Cyberspace will become Emptyspace (or let’s call it Sibalspace or is it actually Emptyspace between his ears?)
What a fighter!
You are fighting the CPM?
Yes, we are fighting Left…
You are fighting the BJP & RSS too?
Yes, we are fighting Left, Right…
And you are fighting your own cabinet, bureaucrats, Army chief and even your own allies?
Yes, we are fighting Left, Right and Centre.
© Sunil Rajguru
∙ When are you submitting your paper/essay/article/column/backrounder?
Please give me a 24-hour extension, Wikipedia is off today!
∙ If the Government bans Google…
…will industries like the media and academia come crashing down?
∙ If the Government bans Facebook…
…will a few million people in India feel empty, lifeless and go into depression?
Without social networking, will we become more anti-social?
∙ If the access to the Internet is cut off…
…will we feel badly stuck in the sticky web of the offline world?
© Sunil Rajguru
India are down 0-7 for Tests on foreign soil.
Please sing to the tune of Anhoni ko honi kar de from the Bollywood film Amar Akbar Anthony…
Anhoni ko Dhoni kar de Dhoni ko anhoni,
Anhoni ko Dhoni kar de Dhoni ko anhoni,
Ek jagah jab jama ho teeno… Tendlya, Laxman aur Dravid,
Anhoni ko Dhoni kar de Dhoni ko anhoni…
Ek wicket se bhale do, do wickets se bhale teen,
Technique-himmat saath nahi, records hai victories nahi,
Arre kuch darne ki baat nahi,
Ye Tests ki raina hai koi gam ki ODI raat nahi,
Yaaro hanso bana rakhi hai kyo ye surat roni…
Ek jagah jab jama ho saare…
Ek wicket se bhale do wicket, do se bhale teen (Count till 10),
India ke openers ko, is team ke bowlers ko,
Koi hope nahin hai… no… no… no…
Kaise baat matlab ki samajhaau deewaano ko,
Sapan salone le ke aayi hai ye raat saloni,
Ek jagah jab jama ho saare gyaarah members Indian team ke…
(Original song: Anhoni ko honi kar de.
Film: Amar Akbar Anthony.
Year: 1977)
This Spoof by Sunil Rajguru
Overheard…
∙ Laxman to Dravid-Tendulkar: Remember when we all played in Australia together for the first time in 1999! We lost 0-3. It seems like it happened just now.
Dravid to Laxman: Abbe it has happened just now! We have gone down 0-3! Wake up!
∙ Daadi 1: Suna hai Indian cricket team boori tarah se haari hai?
Daadi 2: Ab itna subah uthke keholge to yahi hoga na!
∙ Player: You know we used to have that problem against the second new ball?
Coach: Yes.
Player: Well we’ve sorted it out.
Coach: How?
Player: The innings doesn’t even last till the second new ball any more!
∙ Captain: Make it large!
Players: 0-4! Large enough for you?
Captain: 0-8 possible?
Players: Yes boss!
Headline headline on the wall…
Down Under Down Under… Torn Asunder Down Under… Blunder Down Under… Murder Down Under… Plunder Down Under… Surrender Down Under… Dumbfounder Down Under… Pretender Down Under… Tender Down Under… Hellbender Down Under… Sust Kalandar Down Under… Oh Brother! Down Under… Undertaker Down Under… Choker Down Under… Loose Character Down Under…
I have a dream… that one day…
…India will actually draw a match on foreign soil…
…Sachin will finally get his 100th international 100…
…Sehwag’s batting will actually make sense…
…an Indian quick will terrorize the opposition…
…England-Australia-South Africa-India will walk as equals…
…free at last… free at last… free at last… from all this nonsense…
These versions by Sunil Rajguru