Unending Congressi musings

· Pappu shows Congress workers a social networking tool called Khidki even as voters are readying to show them the Darwaza.

· The Congress copyrighted Secularism and Socialism in 1947.
That’s why we all can’t criticize it despite its many communal riots, minority appeasements and destruction of the economy…

· I think the Congress is confident because at the very last moment they are getting Dhoni for election campaigning.

· Congress is confident.
2004: UPA1 won for no reason.
2009: UPA2 won for no reason.
2014: So why can’t UPA3 also win for no reason?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Unending Modi musings…

· The sum of India’s foreign policy…
Pakistan terrorist can come to India.
Chinese soldier can come to India.
Bangladeshi citizen can live in India.
Indian Rupee can go to Switzerland.
Modi can’t go to America.

· Gameplan…
Obama ko likho, Advani ko chadao, Ishrat ko martyr banao, Pappu ko PM banao, agencies ko ladao, secularism 24X7 japo… bas Modi ko roko!

· Visa Request bahut suna hai.
But Visa Rejection Request?
It happens only in India.

· MPs to Nehru, 1948: Sir, don’t internationalize the Kashmir issue.
MPs to Manmohan, 2013: Sir, we are internationalizing the Modi issue.

· BJP Lok Sabha seats in 2014…
140: RIP BJP.
160: NDA2 without Modi.
180: Modi PM.
200: ‪#‎BhaagoNaMoAaya‬

· I personally think it’s quite tough for Modi to make PM in 2014.
But he sure has shaken up things and got everyone running for cover!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Twitter-Facebook musings…

· They would like us to believe…
Online anonymous Modi trolls are more dangerous than the alarmingly increasing number offline politicians spewing venom.

· What Facebook says: What’s on your mind?
What Facebook is really saying: So what can you post that will get maximum number likes and comments and engage maximum number of users so that everyone can waste as much time as possible, a scenario that will greatly benefit me?

· If you don’t like their Tweets, unfollow.
If they abuse you, block.
If someone blocks you, good riddance.
Mera Tweet teda hai, par mera hai.

· Wrong analysis: There so much hate on Twitter.
Right analysis: There is so much hate in society and some of it has spilled into Twitter.

· If you follow a 1000 interesting people with Zero followers, you’ll have an extremely rich Twitter feed.
However, some computer algorithm would dismiss you as a fake.

· Cyberspace…
One person’s opinion may be another person’s abuse.
One cause’s crusader may be another cause’s troll.

· If you are fighting any cause noble or ignoble, the trolls will come only from the other side na?
When you pick your side, you pick your trolls too.

· BJP Online: 99% genuine supporters. 1% fake.
Congress online: 1% genuine supporters. 99% fake.
But why 99% focus on BJP’s 1%?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

How they shift the goalposts when it comes to Modi…

Activists: Take action during riots! Take action during riots!
Modi enters…
Activists: Action not enough. Own moral responsibility and resign! Get hanged if possible!

Commentators: Save Hindi and other Indian languages. English is spoiling it all.
Modi enters…
Commentators: Ye kya India chalayega? Ye to English bhi nahin jaanta!

Civil society: We need a firm strong iron hand to solve the problems of this country.
Modi enters…
Civil society: Dictator! Fascist! Hitler!

NGOs: There is only one thing that matters. Development. Development. Development.
Modi enters…
NGOs: Shame! His development is not inclusive.

Politicians: Caste equations… blah blah blah… minority votebank… blah blah blah…
Modi enters…
Politicians: Communal! Communal! Communal!

Media: Merchant of death! Fascist! Hitler! Dictator! Communal! Murderer!
Modi gives a speech…
Media: What strong language! He is not fit to rule India!

Political planner: So then let’s spend Rs 100 crore on social media. Great plan!
Modi enters…
Political planner: Fraud! Fake accounts! You can’t win elections via social media!

© Sunil Rajguru

Modi, tere paas kya hai?

Indian Politician: Mere paas US ka ticket hai, elite institute ka degree hai, fancy English accent hai, exclusive club membership hai, international friend aur contact circle hai, dollars ki dher hai… tere paas kya hai?
Modi: Saala ye US Presidential polls hai ki Lok Sabha elections?

Parliament: Mere paas murder accused hai, rape accused hai, 2G scam hai, Coalgate hai, CWG hai, ungineet scams hai, disruption ka power hai, anek walkouts hai, Swiss bank accounts hai, (in fact Sachin Tendulkar bhi hai)… tere paas kya hai?
Modi: Aila! Aur aap criminal mujhe bolte hai?

Indian leader: Mere paas caste equations hai, minority votebank hai, regional satraps ka backing hai, pseudo-intellectuals ka fraud secular certificate hai… tere paas kya hai?
Modi: Aur mujhe laga ki 1947 ke baad Constitution ne sab ko equal bana diya… no discrimination on the basis of caste, religion, region…

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Can’t visit the US, can’t rest in India…

· America is the new holy land.
If a particular person steps foot on it, it will become communal.

· Lose Lok Sabha election. Become PM.
Be murder accused. Become MP.
Get elected CM thrice. Get hounded like a common criminal.

· Everyone wants to select/veto Modi as PM.
But in the end that call will be taken by 545 old fogies, one-third of them likely to be chargesheeted, solely based on what “deal” they get.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru