The Indo-Pak peace theme song…

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Please sing to the tune of Hum honge kamyaab…

Honge kaamyaab, honge kaamyaab (Pre-Independence mistrust),
Hum honge kaamyaab ek din (Congress-Muslim League face-off),
Ho ho mann main hai vishwaas (Post-Partition violence),
Poora hai vishwaas (1947-48 Kashmir war),
Hum honge kaamyaab ek din (1965 Rann of Kutch invasion).

Hogi shanti chaaro aur (1965 Indo-Pak war),
Hogi shanti chaaro aur  (1971 Bangladesh war),
Hogi shanti chaaro aur ek din (Pokhran I),
Ho ho mann main hai vishwaas (Pak Kirana cold N-tests),
Poora hai vishwaas (Siachen Conflict),
Hogi shanti chaaro aur ek din (Operation Brasstacks).

Hum chalenge saath saath (1990s Kashmir militancy),
Daale haathon main haath (Pokharan II),
Hum chalenge saath saath ek din (Pak Chagai N-blasts),
Ho ho ho mann main hai vishwas (Kargil War),
Poora hai vishwaas (LeT JeM wagaira wagaira),
Hum chalenge saath saath ek din  (26/11).

Nahi darr kisi ka aaj (China-Pak bhai bhai),
Nahi bhaya kisi ka aaj (US-Pak mama bhatija),
Nahi darr kisi ka aaj ke din (Dozens of failed talks),
Ho ho mann main hai vishwaas (Hundreds of ceasefire violations),
Poora hai vishwaas (Thousands of dead lives),
Nahi darr kisi ka aaj ke din (A totally bankrupt leadership).

This Satire of the Original by Sunil Rajguru

Manmohan Singh and state of the nation musings…

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Files go missing.
Goods go missing.
Grains go missing.
Money goes missing.
Rs 1.76L crore goes missing.
Prime Minister MSingh as good as missing.

Dear Prime Minister,
Tumhaare hazaron scams ke jawabon se damning hai ek scam ki files ki khaamoshi.
#MissingCoalgateFiles

Sign in restaurant…
Please settle all your bills before you leave.
Sign in Indian Parliament…
Please settle all your Bills before you leave.

Mega film Coalgate =
Golmaal + Gayab + Kala Patthar + Koyla + Kaalia + Hera Pheri + How Green Was My Valley + Gunday.

Pluto downgraded. (Planet to Dwarf Planet)
Onion upgraded. (Food Crop to Cash Crop)

Agar koi Snowden-Assange type character Indian politics ke dealings expose kare to poora Encyclopaedia India-na bhar jaayega.

Food Security Bill = Economy Insecurity Bill.

Will the Kasab Biryani Fund now sponsor Abdul Tunda or will we have a new Tunde Kabab Fund?

The IAS should rename itself to the IPS…
Indian Politicians’ Servants.

The Full Circle Man…
When Manmohan entered politics, economy had crashed, now that he’s going it’s crashing again.
When Manmohan entered PM’s chair, Sensex tanked, now he’s going it’s tanking again.

A cat has 9 lives.
Congress has had 10.
(It has won 10 General Elections).
If they win in 2014, then it’ll be the BJP that’ll be dead.

Sholay 2014…
Loha (Congress) garam hai (reeling from scams/economy), maar do hathoda (Modi).

Manmohan: No going back to 1991.
What he meant: We have already passed it and gone into the 1980s.
Now 1970s beckon. (Garibi Hatao, Emergency, Opposition/People backlash, Anti-Congressism…)

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Bollywood Rs 100 crore club musings…

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Worst SRK movie I’ve seen is Ra.One.
It did Rs 115 crores.
Worst Salman movie I’ve seen is Dabangg 2.
Rs 155 crores.
I am totally out of sync with modern India.

Shitty film?
Don’t worry.
Dher saara publishitty hai na!
‪

My strange news feed…
80% Status Messages praise film: Rs 40 crore at box office.
50-50 verdict: Rs 80 crore.
90% royally trash film: Rs 150 crore!

1 Bollywood Superstar
+ 1 Publicity blitzkrieg
+ 1 Weekend
= Rs 100 crores.
(Story, logic aur quality gaya tel lene)

1st Weekend: Superstar hai. Accha hi hoga. Dekhte hai. Bam! 100 crores.
2nd weekend: 100 crore movie hai. Accha hi hoga. Dekhte hai. Bam! 50 more crores.
TV pe dekhi hi lete hai free main, music sun hi lete hai. Bam! 50 more crores.

#‎SRK‬
2007: Sattar minute main World Cup jeet lo!
2013: Sattar ghante main Rs 100 Crore Club jeet lo!
‪#‎ChennaiExpress‬

Films are getting shittier and shittier and making more and more money.
Are we viewers getting dumber or are producers getting smarter?

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Major Shahrukh Khan versus ACP Pradyuman…

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Pradyuman has been ACP in the TV serial CID since 1998.

But someone else holds the record for being on the same rank for a longer period of time…

SRK became Lieutenant in 1989 (Fauji) and got promoted to Major in Army (1996).

He has retained the same rank since then…

Major, 2004 (Main Hoon Na).

Major equivalent Squadron Leader, 2004 (Veer Zaara).

Major, 2012 (Jab Tak Hai Jaan).

© Sunil Rajguru

Let’s all watch the UPA film…

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2004…
Voter 1: This NDA film seems OK, but I am tired of it. Let’s try something new.
Voter 2: OK!

2009…
Voter 1: Picture kaisi thi?
Voter 2: Pata nahin chal raha hai, shaayad second half accha ho.
Manmohan: Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost!
Voters: Theek Hai! Chal try karte hai!

2014…
Aila! Ye to horror film tha!

These versions by Sunil Rajguru