When Scotland went on a referendum…

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bagpipes-215549_640How does it feel to be the First Minister of Scotland?
Alex Salmond: Sigh! I was hoping it would be: The First Prime Minister of Scotland!

David Cameron walked into a bar and said…
One Scotch (Independence) on the rocks please.

13th Century Scotland: Freedom!!!
England: No!!!
21st Century England: Freedom???
Scotland: No!!!

America 2008: Yes we can.
Scotland 2014: No we can’t.

So is Alex Salmond the Last Rebel of Scotland?

When you break free, it is a Declaration of Independence.
So is the Scottish referendum a Declaration of Dependence?

Most referendums are…
Will you marry me?
The Scotland referendum was…
Will you not divorce me?

Despite the Scotland No vote, the United Kingdom is still not very United and nor is it really a Kingdom.

Rural India saved the Nehru-Gandhi monarchy many a times.
Rural Scotland saves the English monarchy.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

Modi-BJP musings…

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A DD news anchor read XI Jinping as 11 (Eleven) Jinping.
A Chinese anchor should take revenge and read MODI as 1000-0-500-1.

Under Modi paradoxically both Indo-China co-operation and rivalry will increase.

Analysis in advance…
BJP wins: (It was) Communal Polarization.
BJP loses: Communal Polarization (didn’t work).
‪#‎Bypolls‬

Strange…
BJP hires partisan BJP leaders for Governors.
–>Hmm, OK.
BJP hires neutral former Chief Justice for post.
–>All hell breaks loose.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

More on the Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty…

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Films of…
Pappu: The Man Who Would be Prime Minister.
Sonia: The Last Queen of Scamland.
Manmohan: On Her Majesty’s (Not So) Secret Service.

Report: Rs 51 lakh spent for maintenance at Sonia’s house.
Question: Has India spent Rs 51 lakh crore for maintenance of the Dynasty so far?

Like Mr India, Sonia Gandhi is a superhero called Mrs India.
She becomes totally invisible when media discusses scams, policy debacles and UPA2 disasters.

Manmohan: I was not in charge.
+ Sonia: I wasn’t the PM.
= Nobody was responsible for the UPA2 debacle.

Congress to all its detractors…
Kyun (Vinod) Rai ka parvat bana rahe ho?
‪#‎ScamsterMMS‬ ‪#‎UPA2‬ ‪#‎Coalgate‬ ‪#‎2G‬ ‪#‎NotJustAnAccountant‬

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

It’s all about the Nehru-Gandhi Dynasty…

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The mother of all plans…
Plan A: Senior Dynasty member.
Plan B: Junior Dynasty member.
Plan C: Wait for some other Dynasty member to grow up.

When things go right: All credit goes to the Dynasty.
When things go wrong: No blame goes to the Dynasty.

Every day…
Wake up thinking of the Dynasty. Listen to the Dynasty. Praise the Dynasty. Defend the Dynasty. Bow to the Dynasty. Sleep thinking of the Dynasty.

Slogan…
404 seats: Mera Dynasty Mahaan.
44 seats: Phir Bhi Mera Dynasty Mahaan.

Before election…
Rahul Gandhi Congress Bachao Yojana.
After election…
Rahul Hatao Priyanka Lao Yojana.
Roadblock…
Narendra Modi Congress Dubao Yojana.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

More Imran Khan-PTI musings…

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Pakistan is not a State.
It is a loose alliance of generals, politicians, US officials and terrorists.

Indian men watching Pak turmoil on news channels.
Indian women watching serene Pak soap operas on Zindagi.
Now all we need is an Indo-Pak cricket match for the sports channels.

It’s quite simple actually.
In Pakistan, night (dictatorship) always follows the day (democracy).
Also, the day is as dark as the night.

Imran Khan’s jingle for Pakistan is…
Boore din aane waale hai.

Lose elections.
Become irrelevant.
Lay siege to a capital.
Do lots of drama.
Rubbish journalists.
Party infighting.
24X7 TV coverage.
Iconic leader good at everything but politics.
‪#‎AAP‬ ‪#‎PTI‬

Imran Khan is the boy who didn’t even own the bat and got out and continued batting claiming that the bat was his.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru

When Imran Khan tried to take over Pakistan…

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Sometime in 1947…
That this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government of the army, by the army, for the army, shall not perish from Pakistan.

Imran Khan and Arvind Kejriwal are twins.
The only difference is that while the former is backed Generals, the latter was backed by Editors.

Pakistan today…
Mr Sharif: The power behind the PM’s chair.
General Sharif: The power behind the power.
America: The power behind the power behind the power.
Imran: Just behind power.

Nawaz Sharif: Head of democracy.
Raheel Sharif: Head of army.
Imran Khan: Head of anarchy.

Why New Pakistan?
Just rename it Pachaosistan.

Aide: Forget Imran, he’s going cuckoo.
Nawaz: I’m more worried about Pakistan going coup-coup.

Team Imran Khan lost all its wickets in 2013 but is curiously still batting in 2014.

Pakistan main Army kabaab hai aur democracy haddi.

Batsman: Nawaz Sharif.
Bowler: Imran Khan.
Umpire General Raheel Sharif: Koi baat nahin, no ball pe no ball feke jao.

Pakistan’s biggest enemy is not India, but Pakistan.

These versions by Sunil Rajguru