Category Archives: What if…

When the AAP comes to power…

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Do you want to ban homosexuality in Delhi?
SMS Yes or No to…

Do you want a reduction of power tariff?
Email your response to…

Should the following minister resign on those allegations?
Protest at Jantar Mantar to make your views known…

Is the Delhi GPO doing a good job?
Post your letters to…

Do you want me to step down?
All the above mentioned options are open.

The government is short of funds.
Send in your donations to…

Slogan…
Kar lo governance aam aadmi ki mutthi main.

(But is it AAP democracy or Participative Democracy or Mobocracy?)

© Sunil Rajguru

How to un-bifurcate a State…

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Advisor: We are getting wiped out in Andhra Pradesh.

Congressman: Divide and rule. AP has three divisions: Telangana, Rayalseema and Coastal Andhra. Give Telangana statehood and we’ll at least secure that.

Advisor: Done, but the trouble continues.

Congressman: OK add Rayalseema too to make it Rayal-Telangana.

Advisor: OK, but the trouble still continues.

Congressman: OK add Coastal Andhra too to make it Andhra-Rayal-Telangana!

P.S. And in all these while, governance gaya tel lene.

© Sunil Rajguru

Terms and conditions for the Bharat Ratna…

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Congratulations! You are the proud recipient of a Bharat Ratna.

Here are the following terms and conditions that come along with it…

1. You cannot endorse Narendra Modi for Prime Minister in absolutely any way. That will severely devalue the Ratna. We may then consider withdrawing it.

2. You now rank seventh in order of precedence: Above CMs and Governors outside their respective States. That means outside Gujarat, you rank above Modi and hence he is beneath you and hence there is no need for you to endorse him in the first place! Plus if you visit Gujarat, then you will become below Modi, so under any circumstances, do not visit Gujarat!

3. You will sever all links (if any) with the Shiv Sena, the MNS, the RSS and any right-wing Fascist forces.

4. You will always be a paragon of secularism and shun anything to do with any form of communalism whatsoever.

5. This decision may be used for political mileage and we may invoke you in our election campaign.

6. We may be voted out in the next general elections and the next government may try to impose new terms and conditions on your Ratna. We hope then you will fondly remember who gave it to you in the first place!

Happy gloating!

Warm regards,

The Grand Old Party of India

This version by Sunil Rajguru

10 things that could happen if Narendra Modi became Prime Minister of India…

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1. Every price rise, inflationary trend, national tragedy… would be prefixed with “In a blow to Modi…”

2. Every Government scheme would be prefixed with “Sonia unhappy as…” or “Advani disappointed as…” or Rahul angry as…”.

3. Some would be tempted to call him “Alleged Prime Minister”.

4. The media would announce that they are no longer government stooges but “proudly anti-establishment”.

5. The Ministry of External Affairs would hold Passport/Visa Help camps all over the country to help all those people who threatened to quit the country if Modi became PM.

6. The Modi Industry would seek FDI to keep afloat.

7. MPs would petition the Nobel Committee to revoke Barack Obama’s Peace Prize if he invited Modi to the US.

8. Critics would start counting the years in terms of AG (After Godhra).
For example…
Modi became PM of India in 12 AG.

9. His supporters would start calling him Mahatma Modi.
(Jab critics bina wajah ke use gira sakte ho, to fans bina wajah usko chadayenge kyun nahin?)

10. Alternatively, such scenarios could be also become common…
Anchor: And in a blow to Modi…
(Aide whispers into anchor’s ear: Sir no more Bharat Nirman ads. All Congress funding has dried up.
Anchor: Do you think BJP will do the same and oblige us?
Aide: Why not try it out?)
Anchor: And in a blow to Sonia…

© Sunil Rajguru

Pappu will probably boast next…

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My great great grandfather founded Congress.

My great grandfather founded India.

My grandmother founded Bangladesh.

My uncle founded the Indian automobile industry.

My father founded the Computer Age.

My mother founded a poverty free India.

I will found Paradise.

The next Nehru-Gandhi generation will found Heaven itself.

© Sunil Rajguru

If they were books…

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Manmohan Singh: Written by Sonia and edited by Pappu.

Sonia Gandhi: A top secret book locked away permanently in a secret bank locker.

Pappu: Written by no-one (as it’s blank) and marketed by Diggy Raja.

AK Antony: A book ghost written by someone in disguise.

Diggy Raja: The greatest conspiracy book of all time.

Narendra Modi: A self-marketed autobiography.

LK Advani: An out of print out of circulation antique.

Kapil Sibal: Priced Rs 0, but would still result in Zero Loss for the Publisher.

Manish Tewari: Completely written in all caps and bold font.

Baba Ramdev: Made of plastic. Twist it in any way you like, it will always come back to shape.

Arvind Kejriwal: From a low-cost publishing house challenging the market leaders.

Shashi Tharoor: Released one sentence at a time through Twitter.

Raj Babbar: Priced at Rs 12, will promise to fully nourish the soul.

Nitish Kumar: Coloured book with every colour except saffron.

Sharad Pawar: The ultimate money-earner.

© Sunil Rajguru